“I am a queen. There has to be something—”
“Sandy.”
“Fine. Be boring. See if I care.”
“When it’s your turn, you can do whatever you want.”
“Damn right I will. It’s going to be the wedding of the century. You’ll see. Darren will look—why do you keep making me do that? I am not thinking about marrying Darren!”
“Still standing right here,” Darren said.
Sandy scowled at everyone in the room. “Whatever. Darren, pull the car around.”
“I’m not your—”
“Say good-bye, Vince.”
“Good-bye, Vince.”
“No, I meant say good-bye to every—you know what, I’ll go with Darren to get the car. Paul and Kori, I will see you at the club tonight. Vince, you have one minute to get in the car before I come back in and shove my foot so far up your ass, you’ll taste my pedicure.”
&n
bsp; And then he stormed out in the way only a drag queen could: in a cloud of glitter, sass, and an air of completely deserved superiority.
“I’m not into foot play, though,” Vince said with a frown. “At least, I don’t think I am. Paul, am I into feet?”
“I honestly have no idea.”
“Huh. Well. Something else to add to the list to try.”
“So gross,” Kori whispered.
Vince kissed me soundly, patted Kori on the head, picked up his wallet and phone, and moved toward the door. “Also, Paul?”
“Yeah?”
“I saw what you were working on. I’m already done with mine. You’re going down, motherfucker. Prepare to drown in an ocean of your tears.”
And then he slammed the door behind him.
Which, of course, caused a two-legged dog with a cart attached to his butt to lose his shit and start yipping wildly as he ran down the hallway from the bedroom, trying to tell me that the door closed, daddy, that fucking door closed and who is here and let me bark at them even though I could be easily picked up and punted like a football.
“Wheels!” I bellowed. “Shut it!”
Wheels did, in fact, shut it, and decided he was better off rolling over to me and snorting at my feet until I picked him up and held him in my lap. Not a hardship by any stretch of the imagination. Two-legged dogs usually weren’t. I detached the cart from his butt, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth as he lay on his back, reveling in the belly scratches I gave him.
“What are you working on?” Kori asked me.
“Hmm?”
“Vince threatened you.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, he does that sometimes.”
“Uh-huh.”
“We have a bet going,” I said, frowning down at the paper before me.