I reached up and pressed the button on his back.
He said, “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”
“This old thing?” I said, fiddling with my hat. “It wasn’t that expensive.” I pressed the button again.
RoboCop said, “Come quietly, or there will be… trouble.”
I sighed happily.
“Is that toy suitable for kids?” Dad asked with a frown. “Who got him that?”
“I did,” Nana said. “And of course it’s suitable. It’s a toy. Toys are made for children. Watch.” She pressed the button.
“Serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law,” RoboCop said.
“See?” Nana said.
“I thought that movie was for adults,” Dad said.
“Dad!” I growled. “This is my wedding day. You’re embarrassing me.”
“Sorry,” he said, running his hands through his perm. “Just nervous. I’ve never been to my son’s wedding before.”
“It’s okay,” I said, patting him on the hip. “Just don’t speak anymore and we won’t have a problem.”
“Bridezilla,” he said.
I glared at him because I was pretty sure that was speaking.
He winked at me.
I melted a little, because no one could wink like my father.
“Dearly beloved,” Nana said. “We are gathered here today to join together two pieces of a whole. A divided soul that will now become one in holy matrimony and love and other stuff. RoboCop, a hardworking robot cop who protects the city of Detroit. And Paul, a hardworking human boy who inexplicably can somehow pull off that hat-and-toga combo.”
I preened.
“If there is anyone here that believes these two should not be joined, please speak now or forever hold your peace.”
No one spoke.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Paul Auster,” Nana said. “Do you take RoboCop as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“And RoboCop, do you take Paul as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Madam, you have suffered an emotional shock,” RoboCop said. “I will notify a rape crisis center.”
Dad started choking. We waited until he finished.
“By the power invested in me,” Nana said, “which is all encompassing and should not be taken lightly, by the state of Arizona, I now pronounce you husband and robot.”
Mom and Dad cheered.
Nana smiled.