“We’re fine,” Paul said roughly, and if I never had to hear what his sex voice sounded like again, I’d be just grand. “We can contain it.”
“Are you sure?” Vince asked. “Because I think we need to go count the highlighters again.”
“I really wish I didn’t know what that meant,” I muttered. “Can we please focus back on me?”
“Sorry,” Paul said. “You’re right. I must resist the call of Vince’s thighs wrapped around my neck.”
“I’m bendy,” Vince said. “Did you know we figured out I can suck my own—”
“Wow,” Sandy said. “That must be hereditary. Darren can do the same—”
“I’m going to hang up, you fuckers,” I growled at them.
“No!” they all said at the same time.
“Don’t,” Sandy said. “We’re glad you called us.”
“Seriously, Corey,” Paul said. “We’re here for you.”
“I give the best advice,” Vince said. “Everyone says so. Now, what seems to be the problem? I don’t remember what we
were talking about.”
“Professor Olsen,” I told them. “He’s here. And now he’s my boss. And he told me not to call him professor because I’m not his student anymore. He told me to call him Jeremy.”
“Oh,” Vince said. “Do you… not like his name or something?”
I groaned.
“He tries so hard,” Paul said. “I love you, Mr. Auster.”
“I love you too, Mr. Auster. Maybe I should show you how much.”
“Vince, please, we have to—”
Then, through the phone, came what sounded like a large family eating bowls of chili all at the same time.
“Well, we lost them,” Sandy said. “I… can’t even begin to describe to you what I’m seeing. I now know what narrators of nature documentaries feel like during mating season. It’s just… it’s just a sight to behold. Looks like it’s just you and me, kiddo.”
“I need new friends,” I muttered.
“Nah. No one will put up with your bullshit like we do.”
I was outraged. “My bullshit? You listen to me, you mayonnaise-covered cracker, I will destroy—”
“Boss, huh?”
I sighed and banged my head against the door. “Yes.”
“That must have been a surprise.”
“You have no idea.”
“Well, what’s the problem?”
I pulled the phone away from my ear to stare at it before putting it back against my head. “I—didn’t you hear what I said?”
“Right,” Sandy said innocently. “But you’ve told us time and time again that there’s nothing between the two of you. Vehemently so, even. And since you wouldn’t lie to us about that, then what’s the big issue? Especially after all the shit you gave me about Darren and Ty about Dom, I wouldn’t imagine you’d put yourself in a position where the same could be done to you.”