“Fuck this noise,” I said, turning back around.
Chapter 19
The Non-Clichéd Part Where I Go After What’s Mine
AND my anger/bravery/awesomeness didn’t even deflate when Vince opened his door after I’d pounded on it, looking less than pleased to see me. I almost felt bad for disrupting his foreplay, but then I realized I didn’t feel bad about that at all.
“Paul,” he said tightly.
I pushed past him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt the love fest. Darren! So nice to see you here. Get your ass outside so I can beat the shit out of you. Now.”
Darren eyes went comically wide. “Excuse me?”
I got right up in his face. “You and me? We’re going to duel.”
He snorted. “What the hell did you smoke?”
“A can of whoop ass,” I told him. Then I thought about what I’d just said. “Wait… that didn’t make sense. Quick, ask me again. I can do this.” I popped my neck and hopped on both feet like I was a boxer. Gettin’ loose. Gettin’ loose.
“What?”
“Ask me again what I smoked.”
“I don’t… what are you talking about?”
“Just do it!”
“Okay? What did you smoke?”
“No, you have to say it like you did before.”
“How did I say it before?”
“You were slightly amused, sarcastic and angry. I think. And you have to say ‘hell’ again too. Makes it sound more hard core when there’s cussing.”
“Saying ‘hell’ is cussing?”
“Yeah. Well, my dad says it is.”
“You are so weird.”
“You and me?” I growled at him. “We’re going to duel.”
He stared at me.
“Say your line!” I hissed at him.
“Er. What the hell did you smoke?”
“Nothing,” I said grandly. “Because I don’t smoke because smoking kills five hundred thousand Americans every year. Dammit! That didn’t make sense either! Why can’t I think of really awesome comeback lines?”
“Oh, is that what we’re doing? Do it to me now. I’ve got a good one. I’ll start.” Darren took a step back and puffed up his chest. “You and me?” he snapped. “We’re going to duel.”
I got a little scared at that. “What the hell did you smoke?” I squeaked.
“Your dad’s pole,” he snarled at me. Then he grinned. “How was that? I’ve got some other ones if you—”
I punched him in the mouth.