Swim Deep - Page 86

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I know I’ve wronged you. I’m sorry for dragging you into this, and that you fou

nd out about the truth from someone other than me. I know you’ll need time and space to sort through all this. But don’t separate us. Please. We’ll go wherever you want. We’ll go to Tiburon. God, I wish I’d listened to you, that day after our wedding, and stayed there with you there. Or we could go to San Francisco if you like… or to Europe… ”

“You would just forget about Noah? About making him pay for what he’s done?”

“If it would help.”

My fingers tightened in his hair. “Help what?”

“For you to begin to forgive me.”

I exhaled shakily, tears stinging my eyes. I’d reached a wall again. I was pressed against it so tight, I couldn’t fill my lungs. I wasn’t sure about anything. Evan. My feelings. My future.

The only thing I knew for certain was my pain. Our pain. Evan and I were co-sufferers in that moment.

I reached for him, my hands under his elbows, urging him to stand. He rose slowly. Our stares locked as he looked down at me.

“Come to bed,” I said through a raw throat. “You’re exhausted, and so am I. We’ll see how we feel in the morning.”

“Anna—”

I shook my head, cutting him off. I pulled on his hand and scooted back on the mattress. I put out my hands for him.

“I can’t believe you did this to me. I’m furious at you, Evan.”

“I know, I wish I could—”

“No more talking. I can’t absorb anymore right now. I can’t decide anything. The only thing I know for certain is that we’re both hurting. Come to bed,” I repeated softly.

He stood there for several seconds, just looking at me. Then he came down on the mattress and took me into his arms.

I let him.

We held each other tight throughout the night, our embrace our only ward against a world of bitterness, uncertainty, and loss. We were alike in that way, Evan and I.

Neither one of us could bear to see our spouse in pain.

That night, I dreamt of a world of water.

And that water was so cold.

Chapter Twenty-One

The next morning when I awoke, I was alone. I experienced none of the terror I had last night when I’d awakened and thought I was alone at Les Jumeaux with only a ghost for company. I lay in bed, surveying the strange room through these new eyes I’d acquired since yesterday. I saw that Evan had brought me a stack of clothing and my toiletry bag, and had set them on the bureau.

Memories from yesterday and last night swam around in my brain, but the one that stood out the most was Evan’s face when he’d said, “God, I hate him, Anna,” and the alarming feeling of his strong body quaking.

I got up, a little amazed at how relatively calm I felt. I’d grown rootless in the past twenty-four hours. My life wasn’t what I’d believed it to be. But rootless or not, I still looked much the same in the mirror. I still went through the mundane activities of daily life, of showering and brushing my teeth and dressing. I discovered that those basic, unquestioned actions grounded me, anchored me to the moment, and kept me from spinning off into oblivion.

In the kitchen, I saw that Evan had made coffee: another commonplace routine. If we heard on the news that a nuclear bomb had exploded nearby, and that all life would end in a day or two, would we still make coffee in the morning? I thought we would.

A gorgeous, sunny Tahoe day reigned outside on the terrace, oblivious to the sordid, ugly little details and heartbreaks that occurred inside Les Jumeaux’s walls.

“Anna?”

I blinked the sunshine out of my eyes and turned at the sound of Evan’s voice. He walked toward me, wearing a pair of fitted gray slacks and a blue button-down shirt. The weariness that had shadowed his face last night had vanished. He’d shaved. He looked tense, but still freshened from his night’s sleep. Crisp. Achingly attractive…

Tags: Beth Kery Romance
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