I didn’t say those things, though. Instead, I said neutrally, “They say we all have one, you know.”
“Have one?”
“A doppelganger,” I told the librarian with a dry smile. I couldn’t believe I sounded so normal. “Someone out there in the world who is our double. Myth has it that when you see your doppelganger, you’re about to die.”
The librarian started slightly. Maybe I hadn’t sounded as normal as I thought I had.
“Are you sure? There’s no way you are related to the Madasters?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“I’m from the Chicago area. My parents are the polar opposite of the Madasters. It’s just some freak of nature.”
A random arrangement of genes. An anomaly that had fallen onto my life like a mile-wide asteroid.
“Do you mind if I take a photo of the portrait?” I asked the librarian.
“Of course not,” she said. She seemed very startled by the sequence of events, but I could feel no empathy toward her in that moment. I was operating on automatic. After I’d taken a couple shots, and read over the plaques and framed articles commemorating Elizabeth’s dogged and dedicated service in getting the library built, I turned to the librarian.
“I think I’ll come back another day, if you don’t mind? To finish the research?”
It was a lie. I doubted I’d ever be to this part of the country again in my life.
“Of course,” she said. She surprised me by reaching out and squeezing my forearm. “I am so sorry. I didn’t handle this very well at all. I made an assumption about why you were interested in the Madasters.”
“It’s all right. I’m glad you showed me.”
The librarian nodded. I turned to leave. I had only my next move in mind, the next one hundred or so steps to the front door. My brain and body
buzzed with uncomfortable energy. Walking to the front door was all I could plan at that moment.
“I mentioned I knew her.”
I spun around at the sound of the librarian’s voice.
“Elizabeth Madaster,” the librarian said. “She was the kind of woman that you could tell had a lot on her mind… the type of person you suspected had been through a lot. But she was always kind to me. She was a real lady. She told me in the beginning we were going to get this library built, and she never wavered in that promise, even when the odds were stacked against us. Elizabeth Madaster could have moved a mountain with the force of her charm and sheer will.”
Of course she was, I thought resignedly. She was a saint, a lady, a mystery, and a whore. All of the things men found irresistible.
Including my husband, apparently.
So here it was, I thought as I sat in the passenger seat of the car and we began the climb back up into the mountains.
The truth at last.
Evan had married me because of my shockingly strong resemblance to his dead first wife.
“It looks like we might get rain tonight,” Valeria observed as she drove. I sensed her glance over at me. “Anna, are you sure everything is okay?”
“Did you know that I look almost exactly like Evan’s first wife, Elizabeth?”
“What?”
My hand went out reflexively to handle on the door when we swerved on the road.
Valeria quickly corrected the car. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw a picture of her, there at the library. We might be twins,” I said. I studied Valeria’s profile as she stared ahead at the road. I thought her incredulity was genuine.