That wasn’t what Kate had envisaged, and she doubted it was what his mother had meant either. ‘Tagging along’ for a pizza they’d already planned was a little different from Ethan deliberately incorporating her into their lives. But maybe that was asking too much of them both right now. It was her choice to be independent of him, just as much as his.
‘Yes, I’d really like that.’
‘I would too. And Sam will love it.’ He sat up suddenly, as if the discussion had taken them as far as he wanted to go. ‘You want to go home, now? I’m intrigued to find out exactly how you’re going to send me to sleep...’
* * *
Pizza night came and went and it changed nothing. They met up in town, ate and then went their separate ways. But it was a start. Something to build on.
Exactly what was going to happen when Ethan’s parents ran out of excuses for Sam to stay the night on Saturdays was anyone’s guess. But the super-hero space station seemed some way away from completion still and Kate had almost convinced herself not to worry too much about it. Maybe George was stringing things out to give her and Ethan some time alone.
And now she was trembling with anticipation at the thought of another night with Ethan. She opened the front door, strolling out in the evening sunshine to greet him as he parked his car outside her house.
‘Hey there, beautiful.’ He put his arms around her shoulders.
‘Hello, handsome.’ She smiled up at him. Ethan always made her feel beautiful.
He turned a little, flipping the remote to lock his car, and then he frowned, looking at her car, which was parked in the driveway. ‘What happened there?’
‘Someone rear-ended me.’
‘What, with you in the car? Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine. He wasn’t going all that fast.’ Suddenly Ethan seemed more interested in the back of her car than he was in her, walking over to inspect the damage.
‘You’re sure? No headaches or anything?’
‘No, I’m fine. It was just a bump; it looks a lot worse than it actually was. Come inside.’ Kate didn’t much want to talk about it.
‘And you didn’t think to call me?’
Yes, she’d thought about calling him. She’d really wanted to call him, but she’d known he’d be busy with Sam, and the thought of her asking and him not being able to come and fetch her was more than she’d been able to bear. It was better that she didn’t venture into that territory at the moment.
‘I was all right, Ethan. Someone called an ambulance for the guy in the car behind me, just in case, and the paramedics checked me over too. I was fine. I am fine.’
‘And you won’t let me be the judge of that?’
‘No, actually.’ Kate tried to brush the comment off. Ethan was just reacting from that part of him that still had the urge to protect. It surfaced from time to time, but he always got over it. ‘I’m the best judge of it.’
He turned away from her, bending down to inspect the damage on her car more closely. ‘You really should think about getting a new one, Kate. This one’s getting more and more unreliable.’
‘Yes, I’m thinking about it. But I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with someone crashing into the back of me when I’m stopped at the lights.’
‘No. I suppose not.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m sorry.’
Kate walked into the house and he followed, shutting the front door behind him. It should all be over and done with, but somehow it wasn’t. There was more that Kate wanted to say, and from the looks of it more that Ethan had to say too. The unspoken words hung between them in the silence.
She made tea, taking it out into the garden. Kate plumped herself down at the table on the patio, frustration still simmering on a low boil.
‘Look, Kate...’ Ethan was making an obvious effort to control his exasperation, standing with his back to her, staring out into the garden. ‘I can’t do this. I care for you and, well, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I can’t help worrying about you.’
The aching feeling, wanting him to be there for her but too afraid to ask, was too much to bear. ‘You have to trust me, Ethan. You can’t be here all the time.’
‘I can’t help that.’ He didn’t look round.
‘I know you can’t. But until you can let me out of that box you have me in, you have to accept that I need to carry on with my life. I don’t want to replace Sam’s mother. I just want to be there for you both, and I’m prepared to wait for that, but until it happens you can’t expect me to rely on you on a part-time basis. That’s not how it works.’
He turned. The look of helplessness in his eyes was a death knell to all of Kate’s hopes. She’d finally said the things she’d written in her diary and it didn’t change anything.