‘Not for a couple of weeks. I thought they’d gone, but this one...it was so real. Much more so than the others.’
‘Sometimes it needs to be real. We need to get things out of our system before we can let go of them.’
‘You think so?’ Maybe she should tell him that she needed him and get that out of her system. But it wouldn’t do any good. It would only make Ethan feel guilty for not being able to leave Sam, and Kate feel as if she was clinging to him when she had no business doing so.
‘You should talk to Usha about this. But it seems to me that it’s a good sign—you’re ready to face what’s happened to you and feel that fear.’
Kate wasn’t so sure she was. ‘Okay. Yes, I’ll do that...’
‘Are you going to be able to get back to sleep tonight?’
‘Yes. I feel better for talking to you.’
‘I wish I could hold you.’
The problem wasn’t a practical one. She could get into her car and drive over to his place. But Ethan couldn’t offer that. Tonight he was a father and he couldn’t mix that with being her lover.
‘We’ll save that for when I see you. On Saturday.’
His quiet sigh told Kate that he was as unhappy about this as she was. She should face facts and make the best of them. There was no magic wand with
which to wave the situation away.
‘Yes. I miss you, Kate.’
That was a start. ‘I miss you too. Let’s talk about something else, eh?’
* * *
Kate hadn’t remembered before now. It was as if she’d been pushed and then found herself at the bottom of the steps with nothing in between. But, in her dream, she’d felt herself falling. Felt the terror and the pain each time she hit the metal-edged steps on the way down.
Ethan had done his best to cheer her up, but only the warm presence of his body next to hers had the power to ward off the chill of her dreams. When she ended the call she felt even more alone than she had when she’d woken up from the nightmare.
She could deal with this. Kate stood up, walking to the mirror over the fireplace, staring at her reflection.
‘You’ve done this before.’ She saw her own face take on a stern look. ‘Now’s no different.’
But it was different. Knowing that Ethan was there, but that they couldn’t be together, made all the difference. Kate turned away from the mirror, not wanting to get into an argument with her own reflection. Maybe writing it all down in the diary Usha had given her would get this feeling under control.
* * *
Ethan became aware that he was tapping his foot when the policeman behind the counter raised his eyebrows and glanced downwards.
‘Sorry.’ He made an effort to keep his feet still and resorted to staring at the ceiling tiles. Then he tried counting them, but fatigue made the rows swim in front of his eyes. It had been a busy week at work and he’d been up early with Sam. But he’d promised Kate that he’d be here.
Finally, after what seemed like an age, she appeared, holding a large brown manila envelope. She smiled at the officer behind the counter as he let her through and his rather forbidding demeanour brightened by several degrees.
She grabbed Ethan’s arm, leading him through the doors and bundling him down the steps.
‘Guess what?’
‘I’ve no idea.’ From the look on her face it was something good. ‘You’ve won the police raffle?’
‘Better than that.’
‘They have some good prizes, you know.’
Kate dug her fingers into his ribs. ‘Behave. The guy is pleading guilty.’