He clinked his glass against hers and took a sip, nodding in approval at her choice of wine. It was another pleasure, watching him here in the candlelight.
‘This...is bliss. I could stay here for the next week.’ Kate s
tretched lazily. It was impossible. She knew that. Ethan had to get back in the morning for Sam. They both had jobs to go to and, even if they hadn’t, this was still new and there was still a lot for them to work through. But it was a nice fantasy.
‘Me too.’ He reached for her foot, propping it on his thigh, and Kate felt his thumb on her instep.
‘That’s nice.’ The pressure grew a little harder, his thumb circling on the sensitive skin. The soles of her feet were about the only part of her body that Ethan hadn’t already caressed and it seemed that he was intent on rectifying that omission now.
‘You like it?’
‘I love it.’ Kate emptied her glass, sliding towards him. Ethan chuckled, taking the glass from her hand and putting it next to his on the bedside table.
‘Oh...sorry.’ Condensation had dribbled down onto the foot of the glass and he moved it, reaching to pick something up from underneath it.
He had her diary in his hand and was brushing the ring of moisture from the cover. Kate sat up suddenly, grabbing it from him. ‘Don’t.’
‘There’s no damage.’ His body was suddenly taut, his eyes questioning. Kate clutched the diary, wishing that she’d just let him brush the water off and put it down again. He wouldn’t have opened it. He would never have known that she’d mistakenly left it out in its usual place by the bedside.
‘Sorry. It wouldn’t matter if there was.’ A ring on the cover of her diary. It would actually be quite appropriate. Something that Ethan had left here tonight, which couldn’t be rubbed away.
But the spell had been broken. Ethan was clearly wondering why she was clutching the book tightly to her chest and no doubt he was about to ask.
‘It’s... Usha said it might help to write things down. It’s my diary.’
‘Was that the homework she gave you when she first saw you?’ Ethan nodded slowly, his voice taking on that ‘everything’s all right’ tone.
‘Not quite. She suggested I make a dream diary, and I’ve done that. But I decided I wanted to write something every day as well.’ Kate ran her finger along the piece of elastic fixed to the back cover and looped around the front, binding the book closed.
He nodded and then smiled suddenly. ‘Put it away now. I want to ask, but if you want to share this with anyone it should be Usha.’
‘I’m not sharing it with Usha. This is just for me. I might tell her about some of the things I’ve written but...not about you.’ It seemed suddenly as if talking to someone else about what they’d shared would be a betrayal.
Ethan shrugged. ‘It’s okay. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not curious, but we both have things to work out. At the moment it’s enough for me to know that you’re doing it, and I hope that’s enough for you too. It’s important that you say whatever you need to say to Usha. That’s how counselling works.’
‘You don’t mind?’
‘I’d mind a lot more if you ever stopped reaching for the healing you need.’ He stretched forward, touching the diary. Kate held on to it tightly, her fingers trembling.
‘Trust me, Kate. Give it to me.’
He wouldn’t look. Kate relinquished the book, watching as he opened the small drawer of the bedside table. His gaze never left her face as he slipped the book inside, closing the drawer.
What would he say if he read the parts about him? The parts where she’d confided her worries about how she’d fit in to Ethan and Sam’s tight family unit. About what place she’d have there, the woman who could never replace Ethan’s wife or Sam’s mother. The parts where she’d said she wasn’t sure she could ever trust any man, not even Ethan.
‘I... I decided to write two things each day. The best thing that’s happened and the worst.’ This was something—an admission that the diary wasn’t wholly out of bounds and that one day the things in it might be told.
‘That sounds like a good idea. Is it working for you?’
‘Yes, it is. I...’ Kate shrugged helplessly. She just wasn’t ready to tell him any more just yet. ‘Thank you, Ethan.’
He nodded, a slow smile working its way across his face. He nodded at the clock that stood by the bed. ‘As it’s only eleven o’clock, I still have time to figure out something that might be the best thing for Saturday.’
‘You’re already the best thing that’s happened to me today.’ In so many ways. It wasn’t just the sex, it was the way that Ethan understood her. The way he pushed her towards better things, but didn’t ask any more of her than she could cope with.
He chuckled quietly. ‘There’s always something better.’
Moving towards her, his hand closed over the top of her foot and his thumb reached around to massage her instep once more, this time a little harder, more demanding of a reaction. Kate sighed and then caught her breath as she felt his lips against the inside of her leg, working up from the knee.