She leaned back in her seat, sipping her tea. Clearly she wasn’t going anywhere for a few precious minutes.
* * *
It didn’t always happen like this. Sometimes an animal was in pain, and sometimes Kate didn’t have the opportunity to wait with an owner while it drifted away. But now wasn’t one of those times, and they could let nature take its course, secure in the knowledge that the drugs in Kate’s bag could be used if they were needed.
Ethan wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, but he was getting there. She could see the small stress lines around his eyes begin to relax as the light grew dimmer. Kate lit one of the fat candles lined up along the low windowsill and they talked quietly in the flickering light. Waiting.
Jeff’s sleep became deeper and his breathing slowed, stopping for long moments and then starting again. Ethan must have known that the time was coming, and he leaned over, his lips just inches away from Jeff’s head.
‘Go to sleep now, boy. Everything’s all right.’
CHAPTER FOUR
THE MOMENT THAT Ethan had dreaded became something peaceful that didn’t feel as if something was tearing chunks out of his heart. Kate had waited a little while and then tucked Jeff’s blanket over him, almost as if he really was just asleep.
This time Ethan made the tea, deciding at the last moment that as he wasn’t driving he could have a glass of wine. Kate refused a half-glass for herself, and they sat on the steps which ran down from the open door of the conservatory onto the dark lawn.
‘To Jeff.’ She clinked her mug against his glass and Ethan smiled.
‘Yeah, to Jeff.’ He took a sip of the wine. ‘Thanks for staying. I... I actually don’t have the words to tell you how much I appreciate it.’
She nodded, staring straight ahead of her. ‘You’re welcome. We’re not always lucky enough to be able to say goodbye to a friend like this but, when we can, it’s something I want to try to make possible.’
‘Well, thank you for making it possible this time. Can I ask you a question?’ He’d tried to let go of the idea, but couldn’t.
‘Yes?’ She turned to him, her eyes bright in the darkness. The thought that, if he reached for her, she might melt against him in the warmth of a summer evening’s embrace almost made Ethan choke.
‘What did Sam say to you?’
‘Ah. I wondered when you’d get around to asking.’
‘Is it a secret?’ Ethan wasn’t sure quite what he’d say if it was. He wouldn’t blame Sam for wanting to share his secrets with Kate, but somehow it would seem like a rejection.
‘No, it’s not a secret. He said that I was to look after you.’
A tear pricked suddenly at the corner of Ethan’s eye, and he rubbed his hand across his face, trying to cover the emotion. But it seemed that Kate wasn’t fooled and she leaned towards him, bumping her shoulder gently against his arm.
‘Growing up fast, is he?’
‘Yeah. Very.’
‘You said he was kind, and he is. That’s a real credit to you.’
Ethan nodded. ‘Yes he is. I’m not sure whether I taught him that, though, he seems to have come up with it all by himself.’
He heard Kate chuckle quietly beside him. ‘I imagine that kindness is one of those things you get by example. You’re worried about him?’
Ethan laughed. ‘I’m always worried about him. That comes with the territory. Since Jenna died, I do the worrying for both of us.’
The words just slipped out. Maybe the darkness, and maybe the way that tonight had stripped away the boundaries. Or perhaps the way that Kate seemed to understand everything so well. Ethan tried to think of something to change the subject, and then he turned into her gaze.
She was wide-eyed and unflinching. When he talked about Jenna most people averted their gaze, but Kate didn’t. ‘I imagine that comes with the territory too. You must miss her very much.’
That wasn’t an easy question to answer. Usually he would say, yes, he did miss Jenna, but tonight the simple response didn’t seem enough.
‘The first anniversary was hard. Sam and I... We’re learning to move forward.’ Ethan shrugged. ‘Actually, he seems to have a momentum all of his own. I’m learning to keep up with him.’
Kate nodded. No questions. But, in the silence, Ethan felt that he could give whatever answer he wanted to.