My worst fear was that she was right.
“Thanks for helping me Saturday night,” I replied.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t entirely unselfish. I told Rob, and he admitted the pills were stronger doses than he first described. Both he and Ben were terrified you’d do or say something.”
“I doubt that, but you’re crazy to play roulette with drugs, Marcy. Eventually, you’ll make a mistake like I did, and a lot of people will suffer. I know that sounds goody-goody, but that’s what reality is, goody-goody.”
She was silent. I glanced back and saw that Troy had gotten into his car and was driving away, probably for one of his frequent solo rides accompanied only by loneliness.
Just before dinner, my father called. I was alone, so I took it in our room.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?”
“Okay,” I said, hoping he wasn’t as perceptive as Mother, who could pick up an irregular note in our voices and pounce with questions.
“Good. So have you given thought to what I told you? We could come up Saturday. It’s the weekend before your Thanksgiving break, and we’ll take you to see Dr. Alexander. She’ll see you on Saturday at her home office, like I said.”
“We??
?
“I’ll bring Dana along to meet you. She’s very excited about it. Before you ask, she knows why I’m coming to get you, so there’ll be no awkward moments.”
“Of course there will. For me,” I said. He was quiet. “But I’ll get over it,” I said.
“Dana’s very bright, sensitive, and compassionate.”
“I don’t know, Daddy. I don’t know if I’m ready for this . . . Haylee coming home.”
“Well, as I told you, that’s part of what Dr. Alexander wants to know. If anything, she doesn’t want to create new problems or set back the progress both you and Haylee are making.”
“Progress,” I said. He was quiet again. I was tempted to tell him how terrible my first date since my abduction had gone and how much it had reinforced my rage, but he would probably tell me that was more reason to want to see Dr. Alexander. Who else could better understand?
Maybe that was true. Maybe I’d only be hurting myself by refusing to go along with the plan.
“I know this is hard,” he said, “but . . .”
“I’ll go,” I said. “What time will you be here?”
“Is ten too early? You, Dana, and I can have a little lunch before you visit with Dr. Alexander.”
“No, that’s fine.”
“Great. We’ll see you then,” he said. I didn’t miss the way he said we. There was a new we in his life. Would there ever be one in mine?
I dove into my homework. Both Marcy and Claudia had remained at school to watch Rob and Ben at basketball practice. They grew bored with it after a while and returned to the dorm. I knew they were not going to give up on finding out what exactly happened between Troy Matzner and me. I began to dream up some possible scenarios that would satisfy them, but everything was so false, and I had this unexplainable need not to denigrate him. I was still quite angry about his spying on me and deceiving me, but he wasn’t wrong about calling us birds of a feather. Something had brought him great emotional pain, so great that, like what happened to me, it had changed his life, changed the way he saw the world, and changed whatever dreams he had for his future.
Maybe it was time not to think first of myself, I thought. Maybe that was the only door out of the darkness.
I wondered if he would come to the cafeteria for dinner or stay on his drive and stop at one of his out-of-the-way discoveries. On our way over, I couldn’t help but be very nervous. I did my best to hide it, expecting that it would only revive Claudia and Marcy’s curiosity about my Saturday night.
When we first entered, Troy wasn’t there. Despite all I had gone through, I was disappointed. We got our food and sat with the other girls, who were still giving reviews of their weekends. I kept anticipating questions about mine, but Marcy or Claudia had probably warned them not to ask anything. I was nearly finished with my meal when Troy came in, got his food, and went to his usual table. He sat, opened a book, and began eating without looking my way. I could feel everyone’s attention on me.
Suddenly, I lost the little appetite I had. My stomach was still sore from the roller-coaster ride I had given it. I stopped eating and sat back.
“You all right?” Kim asked.
“Yes. I shouldn’t have eaten such a big lunch,” I said. Nobody believed it. “I think I’m just nervous about the science test, too.” I looked at Claudia. “See you back in the dorm,” I told her, and stood with my tray. No one spoke.