His attention turned toward the waiting trio. “I will not risk their lives again by sending them into a hostile kingdom. Their only duty is to escort you safely back to your border. After that Dalbreck is done with Morrighan. Your fate will be in your own kingdom’s hands, not mine.”
His horse stamped as if sensing his frustration, and Rafe cast one last look at Kaden. He turned back to me, the anger drained from his face. “You’ve made your choice. It’s for the best, then. We’re each called somewhere else.”
My stomach turned queasy, and a sick salty taste filled my mouth. I felt him letting go. This was it. I forced myself to nod. “For the best.”
“Good-bye, Lia. I wish you well.”
He turned his horse before I could even offer my own last farewell, riding off without so much as a backward glance. I watched him go, his hair blowing in the wind, the shine of his swords glinting in the sun, and a memory flashed in my mind. My dreams rushed back, large and crushing like a wave, the dream I’d had so many times back at the Sanctum—a confirmation of the knowing that I didn’t welcome—Rafe was leaving me. Every detail I had dreamed was now laid out before my eyes, stark and clear: the cold wide sky, Rafe sitting tall on his horse, a fierce warrior dressed in garb I had never seen before—the warrior dress of a Dalbreck soldier with a sword at each side.
But this wasn’t a dream.
I wish you well.
The distant words of an acquaintance, a diplomat, a king.
And then I lost sight of him somewhere near the front of the caravan where a king should ride.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
We rode hard. I focused on the sky, the hills, the rocks, the trees. I scanned the horizon, the shadows, always watching. I planned. I devised. No moment was left without purpose. No moment left for my mind to steep in dangerous thoughts that would consume me. What if …
Doubt was a poison I couldn’t afford to sip.
I rode faster, and the others worked to keep up. The next day, I did the same. I said my remembrances morning and evening without fail, remembering Morrighan’s journey, remembering Gaudrel and Venda, remembering the voices in the valley where I had buried my brother. Every memory was another bead on a necklace strung somewhere inside me. I fingered them, squeezed them, held them, polished them bright and warm. They were the real and true. They had to be.
And when fatigue washed over me, I remembered more. The easy things. The things that could pull another mile, another ten, out of me and my horse.
My brother’s face, desolate and weeping as he told me about Greta.
The shine of Aster’s lifeless eyes.
The traitorous grins of the scholars in the caverns.
The Komizar’s promise that it wasn’t over.
The endless games of courts and kingdoms that traded lives for power.
Each bead of memory that I added helped me move forward.
On the first night, when I had unloaded the pack on my horse, the necklace of carefully polished beads suddenly snapped and spilled to the ground. It was the simplest of things that broke it loose. An e
xtra blanket tucked inside the bedroll. A change of riding clothes. An additional belt and knife. They were only the basics for a long journey, but I saw Rafe’s hand behind it all, the way he folded a blanket, the knots he made to secure it. He had chosen and packed each piece himself.
And then his last words struck me.
Cruel words. Aster is dead.
Words that piled on guilt. I sacrificed everything for you.
Parting words. It’s for the best.
I had clutched my stomach, and Kaden was immediately at my side. Jeb, Orrin, and Tavish stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I claimed it was only a cramp, and I willed the pain twisting in me into a small hard bead and knotted my resolve with it. It wouldn’t undo me again.
Kaden reached out. “Lia—”
I shook him loose. “It’s nothing!” I ran down to the creek and washed my face. Washed my arms. My neck. Washed until my skin shivered with cold. What I left behind would not jeopardize what lay ahead.
Over the next few days, Jeb, Orrin, and Tavish regarded me carefully. I guessed they were not comfortable with their quest. Before, they had been leading me away from danger, and now they were depositing me on its doorstep.