Even though I came only moments ago, I feel the stirrings of an orgasm deep in my core. Except this time, there’s something different about it. It’s almost as if our connection has been strengthened. A powerful emotion that refuses to be denied.
As Brayden thrusts inside me, our bodies fall into a natural rhythm. His fingers find mine before lacing them together. It would be impossible for us to be more attuned with each other. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I’ve never felt this kind of bond with anyone else. It’s as if we are truly one. When my body convulses again, Brayden dives headfirst over the edge with me, holding my gaze the entire time before collapsing. His harsh and labored breath echoes in my ear until it’s the only sound I’m cognizant of. That and the heavy weight pinning me to the mattress are what ground me in the moment. Otherwise, I would float away into the atmosphere.
“Sydney?”
It takes effort to blink back to awareness.
His gaze searches mine before he whispers, “I love you.”
My heart twists painfully beneath my breast. Instead of echoing the sentiment, I keep the words trapped deep inside where they can’t inflict further damage. How can I share what I truly feel when I haven’t been honest with him?
Sorrow and regret churn through me, threating to swallow me whole as I bury my face against his chest and wish for what feels like the hundredth time that everything could be different between us.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Brayden
I scoop up a pair of boxers from the floor and toss them into my bag before glancing around the bedroom to make sure I’ve got everything. Even though it’s still early, we’re packing up and getting ready to head back to Western. The past thirty-six hours sped by way too quickly. It’s like I blinked and it was time to go. I wish we could stay at the cabin for a couple more days, but that’s not possible. We both have school and athletic commitments that can’t be missed.
My gaze flits to Sydney. She’s standing on the other side of the bed, gathering up her belongings. She’s been unusually quiet since we woke up this morning. I’m not sure if it’s because, like me, she wishes it were possible to keep the real world at bay for a bit longer, or if there’s something else going on.
Uncertainty mushrooms up inside me as I draw one side of my lip between my teeth and chew on it. Is she quiet because I blurted out my feelings last night? Did the declaration make her uncomfortable? It’s just that the moment had felt so right. And the words had been circling in the back of my mind, clawing at me, fighting to break free. Maybe I should have beaten back the urge and given it more time.
But that hadn’t been possible. The sex had been different last night. Instead of a means for physical release, it felt deeper and more profound. The funny thing is that I’d thought Sydney had been with me every step of the way and experienced it, too.
Afterward, she’d clung to me before falling asleep wrapped up in my arms. I’d woken up this morning with the urge to make love to her one last time before we hit the road, but the sheets beside me had been empty. Already cool from her absence. I’d found her sitting in the kitchen, staring out the window. Her aloof behavior takes me back to how it was before we decided there was nothing fake about this relationship. Something has shifted, and I’m not sure what it is, but I’m going to damn well find out.
After the closeness we shared last night, this conversation feels awkward. “Is everything all right?” When Sydney glances up, skewering me with her bright green gaze, I tack on, “You seem...off.” That’s a major understatement, but I’m not sure what else to say.
She shifts her weight from one foot to the other before breaking eye contact, dropping it to the bed. If I needed further confirmation that something isn’t right, I have it. What’s strange is that Sydney has always been a straight shooter. It’s one of her personality traits that I admire most. If there’s something going on in her head, she’ll tell you about it. Whether you want to know or not.
So why isn’t she doing that now?
Why is she holding back?
A long silence ensues, and the muscles in my gut twist into a series of complicated knots. Emotion flickers across her face and everything inside me sinks. “Sydney?”
If I hadn’t realized it before, I do now—blurting out my feelings last night had been an epic mistake. She wasn’t ready to hear them. All I’ve done is push her away when I only wanted to hold her close.