“I would never have chosen this set for myself, but it’s nice.” I wriggle my buns in the chair. It squeaks, but it doesn’t entirely protest my weight, which is a good thing. I’ve met solid wood that couldn’t hold me up before.
Luna smiles softly down at her coffee. “I like it.” She doesn’t look up at me. “That’s the thing, Toren. When I lived with you, you made all the decisions. You didn’t want to hear what I liked.”
“I…” My first instinct is to protest, but that’s not me hearing her out and opening myself up. That’s just shutting down. “You’re probably right. I guess it was because I already had my place and all my things when we met.”
“But we never talked about moving past that and getting something else.”
“I thought you were happy when you moved in with me. I thought you liked my condo.”
“I…I did. It was perfect, and I was perfectly happy. Things never mattered to me. I didn’t prefer one table over another. Or a different couch. I didn’t want a bigger house. But I did have dreams, things I wanted to do in my life. I…I feel like you never listened to that either. That when you did, you just…”
“Shut it down.” I close my eyes and inhale deeply, breathing in the spicy, dark scent of black coffee and the citrusy vanilla scent of Luna. “I was an idiot.”
“You weren’t an idiot.”
“That’s too magnanimous. I was selfish. I had my noggin up my ass end, as Granny would like to say.”
“Goodness. I hope she doesn’t teach Milo that saying.”
I give her a dry look, but she’s grinning at me because she knows full well what Granny is capable of teaching Milo, and she doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Even if he comes home cursing, she’ll just patiently explain why he can’t use those words and move on. She won’t blame Granny for being a bad influence or make me talk to her.
“That’s the thing I loved most about you.” I realize what I just said, but I can’t cram the words back into my mouth. Luna’s brow arches, but she doesn’t panic at the L bomb being dropped, even in the past tense. “I…how you…how you just saw people and liked them for who they were. You were so tough. You’d been through a lot too, but you worked hard for everything in your life. Even after all of it, though, you still believed in the good in people. In everyone. You didn’t mind that people weren’t perfect. You never wanted to change them. You never wanted to change me.”
“You’re right,” she whispers. “I never wanted to change you. I knew you weren’t perfect, but I thought you were…that you…well, that you were a good person, Toren. You were. You were working our stuff out, and if you had continued with that, we would have been fine.”
“But I didn’t.”
“No,” Luna whispers.
“I took the easy way out.”
She looks up, and I’m ashamed to see her eyes swimming with tears. I don’t want her to cry. “I don’t think it was the easy way out.” She dabs at her eyes. “Goodness.”
“Don’t cry. Lu, please…”
“It’s okay. Sometimes I just do this for no reason. I’m not sad or mad.”
“Well, I’m sad. And I’m mad. At myself. For being such a meatheaded rumpus. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Luna freezes, and my heart grinds to a stop. I can’t read her as there is so much emotion on her face. Could she want another chance? Could she ever love me again? Will she want to protect and keep herself safe the way I wanted to the first time? Can she ever trust me again? It’s not just words that are needed but actions, and I haven’t been in her life long enough again to prove much of anything to her. When it comes to heart matters, I’m pretty much shit. That’s my track record anyway, and it’s what Luna knows. Can I convince her that she can expect something else?
“I…I got you something.” I guess I can give Luna this. Maybe it will do something to break up the tension and say what I can’t.
I pull a small pouch from my pocket. Luna’s eyes go wide with panic, but when I pass it over, and she realizes it’s not the bracelet—wait, does she know about the bracelet?—she visibly relaxes. As her hands close over the small green velvet bag, I feel myself blushing straight to my forehead and probably even to my ears. I’m grinning too, like a bloody idiot, but it’s okay. I’ve been waiting a long time to give her this. Okay, so it’s only been a few days, but it feels like it’s been forever.
“I thought maybe I should hold on to it for a while longer, but I wanted you to have it. It’s…it’s a gift. It doesn’t come with any expectations.”