Even if it means my body will betray me with dreams of Toren, and I’ll have to either turn myself to stone and steel or give in and let my fingers give me the release that I know won’t make a darn bit of difference since it might be Toren inspired but not Toren induced. If that even makes any sense. I don’t know. I don’t know what does and doesn’t make sense right now because I’m a little bit out to lunch. Hunky lunch. Hunky Toren lunch.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Toren asks softly.
I nod. “Yeah, tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I repeat.
“Bye.”
“Bye for now.”
He lets himself out, and I can’t help it. I breathe in a big sigh of relief and let it out like my lungs are double balloons deflating.
Cursed. Jeepers. Maybe I can blame what happened tonight on the curse. But apparently, the curse is new. Within the last couple of years, if I understood correctly, which leaves me nothing to blame for the lingering feelings I’ve had for Toren the past five years. The way I’ve always ached for him when I thought about him and the way I’ve had to learn how to jam it into little locked-up boxes inside me and not think about it. The thing is, I’ve always felt, even after we were over, that Toren was it for me. If it wasn’t him, it was no one, which is why I’ve never even considered dating again. Everyone thinks it’s because I have a business to run and a son to raise, and yes, those are two excellent reasons, but they aren’t it entirely.
Toren is another big piece of the puzzle.
Maybe it’s not the curse at all that makes me want to admit my heart has always been his.
That it still is.
Or maybe it’s the curse. It would be easier if it were the curse. I know it amounts to the same thing either way, but at least if I blame the curse, then I have something to blame. After the way things ended, I need something to blame. Or do I? I feel like I do. Even if I honestly don’t really feel like I do. I have an obligation to not just give in so easily, don’t I? Or does the curse erase that? Good gravy and biscuits. If I actually knew about this curse, then maybe I’d have an answer to all of that, but as it is, I know nothing about anything.
Except that it felt sublime to be in Toren’s arms again. I guess I do know that. Frick on a stick. What should I do?
CHAPTER 14
Toren
I’ve never known myself to be good at plotting. I’m not a devious person by nature, so I guess I surprised myself. I know we were interrupted by Milo on Tuesday evening, but Luna never said the kiss was a mistake. She didn’t exactly have time when it happened, but she didn’t text me after or pull me aside the rest of the week to tell me it couldn’t happen again. By Friday, I had a plan put together. When I asked Luna whether she minded if Milo spent a few hours on Sunday with my Granny, she readily and very generously agreed.
So, here I am. I just dropped Milo off, and I’m halfway back to Luna’s. She’ll either be happy to see me and pretend she isn’t, or she’ll be happy and won’t pretend. There is also the third option where she’ll want to kick me out when she finds out the real reason Milo is with Granny right now.
To give us some alone time.
Time to figure things out.
Time to not figure things out.
Time to do other things.
I don’t know what I’m hoping for. Maybe all of them. I just know I can’t leave things how they are. What if I never get another chance? What if I never get to wake up to Luna kissing me again? I can’t let it be a one-off. Not if she wants more. If she wants to kick me out, I’ll certainly be disappointed, but I’ll understand.
I rap the skull knocker, hoping she hasn’t gone out on foot anywhere. Her red minivan is parked near the house, and good gravy, I should upgrade her vehicle for her since the thing is probably from the early nineties. It has blistering and faded paint all over, and it resembles a spaceship in its design. That thing can’t be safe for her and Milo. She’d do much better in an SUV. Like an armor-plated, heavily reinforced one. I know she wouldn’t accept that, or even the money to buy herself something newer, but I’m not here to talk about that at the moment, even though the desire is still there.
Maybe, hopefully, sometime in the near future, I can convince her to upgrade, to allow me to get her an upgrade. Or I could just get it and ask for forgiveness later. I want her and Milo to be safe. Surely, she’d understand that and wouldn’t think I was trying to control her life or throw money at her. Would she?