“I could have helped you,” Toren protests, his voice flat and low. It’s obvious he doesn’t want anyone else sniffing at our dirty laundry either. “I could have…I…he’s my son, Lu.”
“Don’t call me Lu. That was a pet name, a term of endearment. You haven’t had a right to that in five years.”
Toren crosses his arms, which makes the table creak because he’s that freaking huge and muscly. Suddenly, my brain does this horrible thing where it wants to go back to the times we had that didn’t involve clothes and start rehashing them vividly, but nope. No way. Not today, brain.
“So this was your plan? Deflect? Throw what I did in my face and bring up all the things I can’t change as an excuse?”
Now I cross my arms. The table doesn’t creak when I do it, and no lobsters stare at me. I feel caught, trapped, and I don’t like it. I have claustrophobia issues, and Toren’s hard stare is pressing all my buttons. So I imagine his face splitting, a crack coming down the middle, a butt hole replacing his mouth, and him talking to me out of his ass. Ha, that does the trick. I relax and blow out a breath. When I inhale, all I taste is the salty brine of seafood I haven’t partaken in yet because no one will freaking serve two people having a very loud and ugly fight in the middle of a public place.
Fuck my lobster life.
“No, I just thought I’d remind you about what you told me you wanted. I don’t have any excuses, and I’m not here to excuse myself. I did nothing wrong, so I have nothing to apologize for. You wanted something different, which you made perfectly clear, so I accommodated your wishes. You knew I was still in New Orleans. If you wanted to, you could have looked me up at any time. You have enough money to hire someone to do it without me knowing, but you didn’t because you’d made up your mind. You wanted to be a coward…I mean single, and you wanted to blame your lack of courage on everyone else. You panicked because you felt something deep and incredible, and you couldn’t deal with it. You also made it clear that we didn’t want the same things. I believe you even said that. Oh right, you did, at least fifteen times in our last conversation. Then you got up, told me you were going to stay at your brother’s place for a few days, instructed me to pack my shit and be gone after the weekend, and threw ten grand in my face.”
Toren’s mouth drops open. He has perfect, kissable lips, by the way. No. No. I’d rather kiss a lobster. “That…that makes me sound like an asshole! It did not go down like that!”
“Oh really?”
He grunts. I grunt. He looks around. I look around. There are a few people shaking their heads now, which makes me want to grin, so I do. I’m done with holding back. And I’d seriously like to get to the part of lunch where I get to eat something. Now that I’ve cleared off some of my thoughts, I think I can indeed stomach something, anything.
“I’m serious. I have nothing to apologize for. Instead, I should thank you for the ten grand since I moved in with my best friend and used the money to purchase better materials, supplies, and a few of my first antique pieces. Instead of crawling into a hole to lick my wounds, I threw myself into learning everything I could about running a small business. I learned how to create a website, watched tutorials on leveraging social media, and read so many freaking books on accounting, budgeting, and marketing. Then, I put a plan together and got myself a loan. I started small but look at where I am now.”
A few voices softly echo around us.
“Bastard.”
“Good for you, sweetheart.”
“You tell him, sister.”
I keep on rolling since I’m going strong, but this isn’t me. I don’t normally get rolling like this because I’m not a teller. I know my resolve is going to falter at any second, so I keep forging ahead, spitting out words that have been trapped inside me like a silent scream for the past five years.
“I imagined myself telling you when I found out. I even knew what you’d look like. You’d look trapped, backed into a corner. You’d feel obligated to be in the baby’s life, confusing him, all while throwing money at him to make up for actual affection. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want my kid to have a dad who abandoned his kid in all the ways that mattered, moved on, and had another life that was more important…is that ringing any bells? That’s what your father did to you, and then you used it as an excuse to back out from our relationship. So why would I damage my child like that?”