And without another word, without letting him say anything to convince her otherwise, she walked out of the room.
She didn’t look back.
Chapter Seventeen
’Tis the season to be jolly
fa la la la la
la la la la
It was so not the season to be jolly. At least, not for Jane. The Christmas carols on constant rotation set her teeth on edge. Her children’s palpable excitement made her head ache and she wanted to drown her frustrations in the homemade fudge her sister had given her.
Not quite the Christmas Eve she’d envisioned.
“Mom, is Captain Nelson coming tonight?” Logan asked, zinging her right in the heart.
“I don’t think so, honey,” Jane admitted, glancing up in time to see the disappointment flare in her son’s eyes.
“Why not?” Lexi asked, a little smirk curling her lips. “Did we scare him away?”
“Was that your plan?” Jane glared at her daughter, anger rising within her. She rarely yelled, had hardly confronted Lexi since she started seeing Chris.
But this was the final straw.
Lexi visibly recoiled. “No. I wouldn’t do that, Mama.”
“You act like you would. Why do you hate him so much?”
“I don’t hate him.” Lexi’s bottom lip trembled. “I don’t hate him at all. I just don’t…don’t want you to spend all your time with him and forget about us.”
“Oh, Lex.” Jane went to her now crying daughter and drew her into her arms, hugging her close. They stayed that way for a while, until Lexi finally composed herself and offered a meek apology. Jane apologized as well and Lexi returned her attention to the television.
Jane rubbed the back of her neck. The holidays were making her tense. The way she’d dealt with Chris didn’t help and for once in her life, she would be ecstatic when Christmas was over.
The end of the year couldn’t come fast enough.
When Logan started chasing Sophia around the Christmas tree and nearly knocked it over, Jane couldn’t take it any longer. She walked out of the room, away from the television blaring yet another cartoon holiday special, away from her children who were now fighting over who would have the biggest wrapped present at Grandma’s house. She went into her bedroom, into the connecting bathroom, and shut and locked the door.
Her children could deal without her for a few minutes. She desperately needed the peace and quiet. Times like this made her steal moments in the bathroom, one of the only spots in the house that had a locking door.
If that door wasn’t locked, her children would be barging through it in less than…
“Mom!” Lexi pounded on the door, her little voice full of frustration. “Let me in! Logan is trying to open the presents!”
“Tell Logan to keep his paws off those gifts or he won’t have anything to open tomorrow.” Jane sighed, hated hearing the anger in her tone. They said the holidays brought out the worst in people, and she was afraid she was turning into one of those people.
It was her fault. She should’ve never done what she did to Christian. Should’ve never said the horrible, wretched things she had to the man she loved. The man she still loved.
At his time of need, she’d walked out on him like some sort of coward. She’d tried to make herself feel better—heck, even Mindy had tried to make her feel better by pointing out how scared she was of hospi
tals. And fire. Oh yes, and tragedy. Anyone in her shoes would’ve reacted the same way, Mindy told her.
Jane didn’t think so. And the condemnation she saw in Mac’s eyes when she came upon him in the hallway after leaving Chris’s hospital room only confirmed it.
She’d hurt Chris, probably beyond measure. And there was nothing she could do about it now. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, the excuses she would make for her behavior. Would she want to listen to herself after doing what she’d done? Any apology would only sound weak, without meaning.
It was best she stay home and sulk. This was supposed to be the Christmas where she made it magical, but instead, she’d ruined it. Ruined it for her and therefore ruined it for her children.