When she caught him watching, she smiled and shrugged. “I want it to be just right.”
“Like Goldilocks?” He tipped his head toward her.
She laughed softly. “I guess. Last year at this time I wasn’t…in the Christmas mood. This year I’m determined to make it special for the kids.”
“I would want to do the same.”
“My children have been through enough. Even though my family rallied around them and helped make the holidays fun, they were still suffering over the loss of their father. It wasn’t fair to them.”
“I’m sure you’ll make it awesome for them this year.” He took a step toward her. “You’re a good mom, Jane.” Grabbing her hand, he laced their fingers together. “So, what exactly are your big holiday plans?”
“Well.” She smiled, the joy clearly reflected in her eyes. “Thanks to your invitation, this is just the start. I also want to take the kids caroling around the neighborhood, maybe go see The Nutcracker in Sacramento. Oh, we might go to that winter wonderland thing they have going on up at the ski lodge.”
“Sounds fun.”
“And corny, right? But yeah, it’ll be fun.” She shrugged, squeezing his hand. “Thank you again for taking us to get the tree. Logan and Sophia have been anxious about it ever since they woke up this morning.”
“Lexi wasn’t interested, though, huh?” Why did he keep picking at this wound? He needed to accept that the little girl didn’t like him.
“Lexi is still unhappy with me.” Jane shook her head. “I went over to my parents’ house yesterday and had a talk with her. Turns out her oldest cousin told her Santa doesn’t exist. She’s now accusing me of being a liar all these years.”
“Ah, man.” He could remember clearly the moment he discovered Santa was no longer real. He figured every kid remembered that life-altering moment. He’d been eight—the same age as Lexi.
“I know. I read Patrick the riot act and he apologized, but really, I can’t blame him. Madison’s almost nine so it’s understandable. I just wish she hadn’t said anything.” Jane paused and her voice lowered. “I think Lexi clung to the notion because she needed to believe, you know? It gave her hope, believing in Santa. She’s had to grow up so quickly in so many ways…”
“Did you try to convince her otherwise?” Logan chose that moment to throw a snowball at the back of Chris’s knees and he groaned playfully when the damp blob hit him. Chris bent to scoop a handful and tossed it back at Logan, missing him on purpose.
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t hear any of it.” Jane sighed, stroking her fingers along yet another tree. “This time of year is supposed to be magical. All about the children, you know? I hate to see her become a non-believer.”
“It’s a shame.” He nodded his head toward the tree she stood next to. “You like that one?”
“I do. It has a nice shape. Good color, too.” She bent her head and sniffed. “Nothing smells better than a Christmas tree.”
He had to disagree. He thought Jane smelled far better than any old tree.
“You want that one, or should we look around some more?”
“I’ll keep it under consideration, but I wouldn’t mind checking out a few more. What if I’m missing the absolute best tree?” She beamed, the sight of it sending his earlier, way too cynical thoughts scattering to the wind. All it took was being around this woman and he turned into a slobbering puppy dog, following her and eating up every word she uttered.
He enjoyed watching her interact with her children, the tender way she spoke to them, listened to them, the way she brightened their moods with a few choice words and sweet kisses. They demanded her attention constantly, and even though she was preoccupied with tree-picking, she still knew how to make them feel good.
She was a good mom, an affectionate mom, and despite what happened to her, she always soldiered on. She’d never mentioned it, but he had a feeling her injuries had a permanent effect on her movement, the way she did things. She favored her right side in general and he noticed she walked with a slight limp this afternoon, as if her knee and thigh bothered her. Again, the hair covered the left side of her face in such a way that he had a hard time making out her scars.
Curiosity consumed him, and though he’d wondered before, now he really wanted to know how badly she’d been burned. Would she ever tell him? Would he ever see?
Did he want to see?
Sophia walked beside him as they followed her mother, Logan as usual running far ahead of everyone else. The wind had picked up, whipping cold and brisk around them, and Jane stopped at another tree, shoving her hands in the front pocket of her sweatshirt as she contemplated it for a moment before she finally shook her head.
They wandered around some more, Chris trying his hardest to ignore the wind and how sick he felt. He wished he were as blissfully ignorant as the kids, running around like it was a warm spring day. Laughing and grabbing at snow with their gloved hands, stomping their booted feet in the increasingly slushy stuff again and again.
“I think I want this one,” Jane finally said, once they’d circled back to the original tree she’d picked out.
“No surprise,” he said with a slight smile.
She looked sheepish. “I should’ve just agreed when you asked. I’m freezing. Where my skin was grafted, it’s really thin. I feel the cold so much more now.”
He appreciated how casually she mentioned that. Was she starting to feel comfortable with him? “You should’ve said something.” He really had no clue just how much she’d endured, how much she still suffered.