She frowns. “Don’t talk in absolutes. Reality can change. I heard you promise JD he could set you up if he found you a good match.”
“I’m still on the fence about that.”
“Well get off it before you get splinters somewhere painful.” She gives me the I mean business eyeball. “Your ex isn’t riding the fence. He’s marrying some famous hussy with unrealistic measurements. It’s all over the news.”
“I wouldn’t call her famous,” I mumble, wincing at how petty I sound.
I might cuddle with a cardboard Quinto at home and rely on my vivid imagination for my baser needs, but it’s only because when I step out in the dating world, this is what happens. I gravitate toward men I can’t or shouldn’t have. If a guy is straight, taken or too complicated to love me back, I’m in.
Fixers and masochists actually have a lot in common.
The More You Know *rainbow gif*.
The compelling Mr. Ransom pops into my head, proving my theory by existing. I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m sexually attracted. Ergo, he is the straightest man in existence and I should stay away.
My last situation was more habit than love. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because I was too busy to notice the difference. Which makes it worse, because why would I put myself through another rejection for something so pathetically shallow?
It’s better than getting your heart broken again?
That’s some shitty reasoning.
Tani knew about both of my lapses in relationship judgment. She held me after my college crush took my virginity, then swore me to secrecy because he had a jealous girlfriend. She warned me this last winner was cut from the same cloth, only he was willing to stick around as long as no one knew and I was paying the tab.
It was shamefully easy to let that happen. To buy him a new car when his broke down. To help him with airfare and a hotel room on his mother’s birthday, even though she wasn’t allowed to know I existed. I could afford it and it made him happy enough to stop by on occasion and pretend we were doing more than scratching an itch, so why not? I even got him an invitation to the movie premiere where he met his future bride.
I paid for their first date.
I won’t lie. That smarts a bit.
“Did the app freeze? Why aren’t you talking?”
“Just thinking.”
Her expression softened. “Don’t think about it too long, Joey. I want to be single for life, but you never have. And after this last year, it’s obvious you need to find some balance. Someone to love you the way you deserve.”
“We’ll see.”
She isn’t happy with my response. “Maybe I don’t have to wait a month for a visit.”
A knock on her door, followed by the thud of heavy footsteps coming closer has her looking away from the camera in horror. “They found me.”
“How could we lose you? You’re always here.”
Her brothers have shown up for movie night, and I can practically smell the popcorn and bickering that’s part of the weekly experience. I try not to pout.
She moves closer to the camera. “If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow, you’ll know who to blame.”
A seventeen-year-old with a handsome face and Tani’s grin appears over her shoulder. “Hey, it’s our favorite babysitter. Why are you still talking to this bossy couch potato? You escaped her evil clutches. Enjoy the freedom enough for us poor suckers who can’t get away.”
Tanisha whacks him on the back of his head and I wince at the sense-memory. “Do I slide into your naughty DMs with your girlfriend? No, I do not. But if you ever want me to tell you who does, you’ll let me say goodbye to my friend without interruption.”
Niraj tugs at his hair, eyes wide and as overdramatic as his sister’s. “Is it Ma? Tanisha, is it Ma?”
I hear her older brother’s baritone in the background. “You aren’t dating him, are you? You aren’t allowed to date without letting us know about it, and you told us he was gay.”
BTW, he’s known me as long as Tani has. He’s just not that observant.
“Definitely gay, Arush,” I call out reassuringly, but I’m laughing so hard I’m not sure he understood me. He’s so screwed.
“I’m not allowed?” Tanisha glares daggers at the brother offscreen. “Joey? I’m hanging up so you don’t have to listen to me make my big, stupid brother cry. We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow.”
“I’m sure we will,” I say dryly. “Enjoy movie night.”
“It’s extra sappy, so I’ll be sure to record their reactions for you and their future wives.”
I hear agonized groans as she hangs up and my chuckle fades in the silence.
I do miss her, but my desire to hasten her move isn’t all about me. For some reason, despite the fact that we’re not even thirty, she’s gotten it into her head that she’s an old maid.