That’s why this has to work, because I’m not sure I can go back to the way life was before I knew him. I don’t want to go back to that. Not when I know it can be so much more.
Not after he wrote that letter. If I hadn’t already been in love with him, what he’d written would have sealed the deal for me.
God, that letter…
Dear Green,
I’m not sure how to start this. I’ve never asked for advice about romance before, unless you count my Gran. I once asked her how she knew she was in love with my grandfather and she told me, “He looked at me and I saw my future.”
At the time, I’ll admit it sounded vague and frankly unhelpful. Something people say when they aren’t sure how to respond. And then one night I looked up and saw a beautiful man looking back at me. And I saw exactly what she’d been talking about. My future.
It surprised me, but I didn’t question my good fortune. I knew he was too young, too smart and a little too stubborn not to be a challenge, but none of that mattered. He was my future, and knowing that, I expected everything else to fall into place.
But it didn’t. Instead he shared some things with me that were personal and precious, and by the next morning, he was gone.
I’ve thought a lot about why, and I have to take responsibility for my part in things. I was going too fast. Pushing too hard. And he’d told me a story, but I didn’t return the favor. If I could go back, that’s what I would change.
I’d tell him about a man who’d served his country for his entire adult life. Proudly and gratefully, with no regrets save one. That he’d done all of it alone. He’d lived each day for his duty, and came home each night to no one.
He wasn’t without camaraderie and friendship, loyalty and occasional intimacy, but there was no one that belonged to him. No one to share his successes and failures with, or tell his secrets to. No one to miss him when he was away.
And he’d gone to too many funerals. After a memorial for yet another life cut short in service, the man went directly to his commanding officer and resigned. He accepted a job from an old recruit and friend, bought a new truck and packed up his life. He left everything he knew behind. Not because life was too short. But because when you lived it alone, it was too damn long.
I suppose the reason I wrote to you for advice was to ask if that story would have made a difference. If the man I fell for would have understood why I was so thankful for running into him that night at the bar. And that even if nothing had happened to throw us together, I would have found a way to bring him home.
Signed, Green’s Marine
I didn’t share it online. I couldn’t, it felt too personal. But I responded to it in my article. I also asked him to give me another chance to share the future he’d seen with me.
The men in North Carolina must be insane. I honestly don’t know how someone so sexy and nurturing, vital and dynamic could have lived such a solitary life.
I guess we’d both lived alone for years. Despite the crowd around us.
But we’d seen each other. That had to mean something. It had to be big enough to overcome my bad decision-making.
It—
I heard the door close an instant before two large hands land on my shoulders. “There you are. What are you overthinking now, grasshopper?”
My knees collapse and I sag against him. “Carter.”
He turns me around with a worried frown. “Jesus, I’m sorry, JD. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. Not here. I wasn’t thinking.”
“You’re here.”
He rubs his bearded jaw self-consciously. “Brady snuck me in the back way. There are a lot of curious people out there, but you were the only one I wanted to see.”
“I didn’t realize they’d… I wanted to do something big so you’d know.”
His espresso eyes are warm as he studies my face. “So I’d know what? I think I got your message, but I needed to be sure you meant it. I needed to be looking at you.”
I lick lips that are suddenly dry. “I’ve never been in love with anyone before, Zeus. You’ll have to be patient with me, because this probably won’t be the last time I screw things up. But even when I do, I promise I won’t run away again.”
There’s no chance to say anything else because he’s kissing me. His hands wrap around my biceps and he pulls me up against him, walking me backwards until my back is against the door.