“I’m good.” I try to shake off my mood and not collapse into a defeated heap on his chest. “It could have been worse. Shit happens, right?”
One big palm slides around to cup the back of my neck and I almost moan at how good it feels. “It shouldn’t happen. Not to someone like you. Someone who was only trying to help a friend.”
I look away to hide the need his words and gentle touches are creating inside me. “I hear good intentions pave a certain road.”
“Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” Leaning into him like a greedy sex fiend?
“Every time you get a compliment, personal or professional, you brush it off. That’s a bad habit you need to break.”
I’m not as good at taking advice as I am at giving it. I know this about myself, but it doesn’t stop me from bristling. “Is this how you made the ginger giant sob? Empathy? Because I was imagining more of a Richard Gere, military montage scenario. A pushups in the rain, face in the mud, nowhere else to go kind of thing.”
Carter scowls, hand tightening reflexively on my neck. “You keep bringing that up. It was my job to help young Marines who’d never faced true violence survive the real thing and come out the other side intact. So yeah, I was hard on them. Pushing people to their emotional and physical limits had a purpose, but I wasn’t doing it for personal enjoyment, because I’m not a damn sadist. I’d like to think it kept a few of them alive. That was the point. To make sure they came home to their families.”
“I’m sorry, Carter,” I offer, guilt lowering my voice and tying my stomach in knots. “I’m being a jerk when all you’ve done is help me.”
His expression softens as he lets me go. “You’re allowed. You’ve been through a lot, Green, and you’ve managed to keep a smile on your face through most of it. And you’re still thinking about your friend, worried about her, even though you have every right to be angry. You’re handling all of this better than most would in your situation.”
I’ve got him fooled then. I don’t feel like I’m handling it. I don’t want to handle anything. In fact, I’d really like to hide from everyone involved for at least a year. Including him. Especially him. “Thanks to you. I won’t forget everything you did to help. And I’m never forgetting your grandmother’s delicious barbecue sauce. Once things settle down here, I’ll meet you back at Finn’s and ply you with the best in beer and peanuts until I can convince you to be my personal Mr. Miyagi and secret sauce supplier. Deal?”
It’s an obvious opening for him to leave. I’m giving him an out so he can go home and stop worrying about me. He’s earned it. There’s no reason for him to stick around and watch me try to sew Mr. Lumpy back together along with my pride.
If Matilda taught me anything, it was the importance of standing on my own two feet. Self-reliance. No man has the right to define me. No man needs to protect me. I’m a strong, independent woma—man. Independent man.
She had a hard time remembering to adapt her female empowerment speech for her horde of foster sons. Which might explain why we all grew up to be slightly confused, if well-educated supporters of womankind. Luckily Rick was around to… No. The history professor and unapologetic feminist was no help in that department either. Good man, though. Always had a smile on his face.
The opposite of Carter’s expression at the moment.
“Why wait? We can talk more about it tonight. Pack enough for a few days,” he orders.
I sit down stubbornly and cross my arms and legs, hoping to hide the tent my pants just made in response to his command. “I think I’ll stay and get the place back in order instead of heading to a hotel. My landlord is going to have a fit when he sees this mess and finds out about Toni’s apartment. I can’t afford to lose my deposit if he kicks me out.”
“I’ve already talked to him. He’s not kicking you out, but he is going to come in here with his maintenance guys tomorrow and fix anything that’s broken.”
“You talked to him?”
There’s not an ounce of guilt in his expression. “In the hallway while the officer was taking your statement.”
I’m thinking a normal person would be insulted instead of aroused. “A little presumptuous of you, Master Sergeant Willis.”
“I’m not denying that. Now do you pack your things, or should I?”
Gorgeous, bossy bastard. “I know where you’re going with this.”
He crosses his arms as well, biceps bulging and ready for the battle. “Where am I going, Green? Enlighten me.”
“You asked for it.” I give him my best side eye. “You feel responsible since you saved me, and guilty that you weren’t there sooner. The idea of leaving a bruised up kid in a trashed apartment is offensive to your sense of honor and decency. I can appreciate that, but allow me to alleviate your concern. I’m great.” I glance quickly around the room and correct my statement. “As soon as I buy a new television, I’ll be great. I’ve never had a problem looking after myself, so the care and feeding of Ken’s favorite columnist is covered. I cooked breakfast for a dozen people every morning for years before I graduated high school. After that, ordering takeout should be a snap.”