He took a deep breath and looked down at his sneakers. "Did you ever want something so very much that you thought you'd die if you didn't get it? Want it so much that you were afraid to even ask for it for fear of being turned down?"
"Yes," she answered, her voice raw. "Yes, I've wanted that much." You, Clay. I want you that much. And I'm so afraid to hope.
"I need you so much. Spring." He shot her a quick glance, looked away, then slowly turned his eyes back to her. "All my life I've wanted to be loved. The kids love me and my friends love me, and for the past few years I've thought that was enough. Until I met you. I almost died after you left, Spring. For four long months I lived in misery, so lonely that I felt like there was a gaping hole inside me. It scared me to realize that you were the only one who could fill that void. And I resented you for a while for making me need like that again, after considering myself satisfied for so long."
"Clay, I-"
"No, wait, sweetheart, let me finish." He laughed, a bit weakly, and shrugged. "I've been practicing this speech for a long time."
She nodded and blinked against a sudden rush of tears as he continued.
"I didn't want to say anything right away because I wanted you to get used to having me around all the time. In California there were always other people with us or around us, but here it's been pretty much just the two of us. I thought you'd know by now whether you wanted to have me around full-time. And I've been checking out Little Rock and the surrounding area because I wasn't sure at first if I'd be happy here, but now I know that it's a great place to live and...and raise a family."
His voice had cracked again, sending the tears in a fresh cascade down Spring's pale cheeks. She had to bite her lower lip to keep from interrupting him before he was finished.
"There are some excellent counseling facilities for adolescents here, most of which I visited last week. And Gil—Dr. Random—has asked if I might be interested in going into partnership with him. He seems to think that the two of us could make a real difference around here, maybe publish some material that could be applied nationwide. I told him I would certainly think about it. I have to admit I'm tempted to take him up on it.
"We wouldn't have to live here, of course. Your apartment is very nice, or there are many beautiful newer homes in west Little Rock, closer to your office than this. I'd be happy anywhere if you were there with me."
He took one more deep breath, then blurted out, "What I'm trying to say. Spring, is...will you marry me? Please say you will, Spring."
"Yes," she whispered, and then said it again, louder, throwing herself against him. "Yes, yes, yes!"
Staggering, he caught her and spun her around in a joyous circle. "You will? Oh, God, Spring, you don't know how happy you've just made me!"
Laughing and crying all at once, she cupped his face between her hands and kissed him. "How could you possibly be so surprised? Didn't you know I would marry you?"
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm not that self-confident. Ever since last weekend you've been acting a bit distracted and I was starting to get scared that you were growing tired of me. That you were ready for me to go back to San Francisco and let you get back to your sane, normal life."
"You idiot," she told him lovingly. "I was distracted because I was scared. I heard you talking to Frank on Saturday about returning home in about a week, and I was afraid that you were planning to leave without me."
He laughed softly and held her close. "God, we're so insecure when it comes to each other. That's exactly the way I reacted four months ago when I thought you were calmly making plans to return to Little Rock without a backward look at me. It's going to take a legal, binding, double-ring ceremony for me to get over my fear of losing you. Spring. When will you marry me?"
"Whenever you want," she answered simply
. "And you don't have to live in Arkansas if you really don't want to. Clay. I decided four months ago that I would move to San Francisco if you wanted me to."
"You'd be willing to give up your friends, the practice that you've worked so hard to build?" he asked, seemingly stunned by her offer.
"Of course. Aren't you offering to do the same thing for me?"
He kissed her thoroughly, then drew back to smile down at her. "Thank you. But I like it here. I'm perfectly happy to move. It'll take me some time to get everything settled, but most of it can be done long-distance. I've already been talking to Frank about setting up a foundation for long-range money management so that Halloran House can be run without my day-to-day help, or interference, as some people might call it. And I can sell my house easily enough."
"Don't sell it yet," Spring urged him suddenly, her fingers gripping his T-shirt. "Lease it for a year."
He frowned, puzzled. "Why?"
"Because I want you to be very sure when you do sever that connection to San Francisco. If, at the end of a year, you're not as happy here as you were in California, I want you to tell me. We'll move—there, or anywhere else you want to go. As long as we're together, I don't care where we live."
"That's not necessary, darling. I know what I'm doing."
"Please, Clay. For me."
"All right, Spring. I'll lease the house. But at the end of one year I'll be selling it. I've found my home here, with you."
"I love you, Clay."
"I love you," he murmured against her lips, and then his mouth took hers in newly confirmed possession, his tongue touching hers in a mating dance that made the upcoming ceremony a mere formality. In their minds and hearts they had already made their lifetime commitment to each other.