“You know,” her older sister answered confidently, “you only have to admit it to yourself, Autumn.”
“I have to go, Spring. Thanks, okay?”
“Anytime. I love you, Sis.”
“I love you, too.” Autumn replaced the receiver, then almost immediately lifted it back to her ear, her fingers moving over the buttons to punch another often-called number.
“Hi, Summer, it’s Autumn. I want to ask you a question, and I want you to answer honestly without asking why I want to know, okay?”
“Okay,” Summer agreed easily. “Shoot.”
“What would your life be like without Derek?”
“Empty. Lonely. Frightening.” Summer answered without even hesitating. “Any other questions?”
“You were happy enough before you met him. You had a great time with your parties and your friends. You didn’t need anyone.”
“Wrong. I needed Derek. I just didn’t know it until I met him. I may have been happy before without him, but I wouldn’t be now.”
“But he’s so strong, so self-contained. Doesn’t it bother you to need someone who doesn’t need you as much?”
“Who says Derek doesn’t need me? He does, Autumn. As much as I need him. He says I bring sunshine into his life, keep him from being a stuffed shirt. He claims that he was never really happy before I came into his life. Personally, I don’t intend to argue with him. I’d rather believe him. Now do you want to tell me what this is all about?”
Autumn smiled tremulously. “I’m in love, Summer, and I’m scared witless about it. I guess I was just hoping that those of you who’ve been there and survived could pass along a few pointers.”
“You want my advice about love? Grab on to it and hang on to it with all your strength. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing in life that’s more valuable. And it’s too rare to pass up once you find it. Does that make sense?”
“Oh, yes, it makes sense.” Autumn pushed her hair out of her face and sent a smile through the telephone lines to her sister on the opposite side of the country. “I love you, Summer.”
“I love you, too,” Summer replied, surprised and pleased with Autumn’s infrequent expression of affection. “Let me know how this comes out, will you?”
“I will. Give Derek a kiss for me. I’ll talk to you again soon.”
She spent the next hour on her couch, deep in thought, barely moving. Babs tried a few times to capture her attention, then gave up and curled up at her feet for a nap. Autumn thought about women she knew who hadn’t been afraid of the risks—or if they had, they’d decided not to let their fear keep them from reaching for their happiness. Autumn’s mother had chosen to give up teaching to raise her three daughters and sometimes help out in the store. Spring had combined a career in optometry with the responsibilities of being a wife and mother. Summer would finish her education soon and begin a new career but still looked forward to starting a family with her beloved, supportive husband. Jeff’s mother seemed to truly enjoy taking care of her husband and her son, when he would allow her to do so. Jeff’s friend, Pam, was a brilliant surgeon whose love for her accountant husband and baby daughter were evident to anyone who spent even a few minutes in her company.
Each of those diverse, intelligent women had deliberately chosen her path in life and had made whatever adjustments necessary to follow that path. No one had tried to tell Autumn that it was always easy, or that there hadn’t been hard times, but all of them seemed content with their choices.
Autumn could marry Jeff and continue her career. He wouldn’t ask her to give up her work or her plans for the future. He’d be right beside her, offering support when she wanted it, giving her freedom when she needed it. She finally allowed herself to acknowledge that it wasn’t fear of losing her career or even her independence that had caused her to send him away. It was, after all, only a job.
So the crux of the problem was this need thing. And still she hadn’t worked it all out. Some tiny detail was niggling at her, haunting her. Holding her back.
So deeply lost in thought was she that the telephone’s strident ring made her jump and swear. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if it was Jeff. Just as she’d dreaded—and hoped—it would be Jeff every time someone had called during the past three weeks. “Hello?”
“Autumn? It’s Pam Cochran.”
Surprised, Autumn blinked and sat up straighter on the couch. “Hi, Pam, what can I do for you?”
“I’m calling about Jeff.”
“Jeff?” Her heart suddenly stopped. “Is anything wrong? He’s okay, isn’t he?”
“No, he’s not okay,” Pam answered gravely, frightening Autumn even more. Her mind filled with all sorts of horrible possibilities as she broke into a cold sweat. And then Pam’s words made her close her eyes in sheer relief. “He’s miserable,” Pam said flatly. “I’ve known him for a long time and I’ve never seen him suffer like this. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Light-headed with gratitude that nothing had happened to Jeff, Autumn chuckled weakly. “That’s what I’ve been asking myself for a long time now, Pam.”
“Look, I know this is none of my business, and he’d strangle me if he knew I was calling you, but I’m crazy about that guy and it’s tearing me apart to see him this way. I’d stay out of it somehow if I hadn’t seen the way you looked at him while y’all were together. I know you love him.”
“Yes, Pam. I love him.”