“You wouldn’t hit me,” he replied casually, wrapping her snugly in the oversized towel. “You love me.”
“That doesn’t mean I won’t be inclined to deck you occasionally,” she retorted unhesitatingly. “In fact, I—” She stopped, staring at him. He knew she had seen the hope that had flared to life in him at her words. “Dammit, Jeff!”
He lifted a hand to her damp, flushed cheek, almost afraid to breathe. “Do you love me, Autumn?”
“You pick the oddest times to get into these discussions. You could at least let me dry off and put some clothes on,” she stalled.
“Do…you…love…me…Au
tumn?” he asked again, spacing the words deliberately.
“Yes!” she all but spat at him, her eyes narrowed furiously. “I love you, all right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get dressed.” And she whirled and almost bolted from the bathroom, avoiding any actions or discussions related to her unwilling confession.
Jeff laughed quietly and ran an unsteady hand through his disheveled hair. He should have known, he thought bemusedly. He should have known Autumn would throw the words at him like a hand grenade, angry with him for forcing them out of her. But she’d said them and she meant them. She loved him.
His amusement faded abruptly. It still wasn’t enough. There was still something she was holding back. He wished to heaven he knew what it was. And why couldn’t he just settle for what she was willing to give?
He knew why. He wanted it all. As Spring had said, he had his work cut out for him.
Though Autumn clearly expected further discussion about the subject of her love for him, and just as clearly dreaded it, Jeff carefully made no reference to the scene in the bathroom. Instead, he cooked dinner and kept the conversation light and amusing as they ate, encouraging her to tell him more about her childhood with her sisters in rural Arkansas. After dinner they watched a television movie, and then he told her he had to go. “Sure you’ll be okay tonight?”
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. He wondered if he was imagining her reluctance to see him leave only because he wanted to see it. “Thanks for everything, Jeff.”
“My pleasure. I’ll always be here when you need me,” he told her softly, dropping a kiss on her forehead.
He didn’t miss her sudden stiffening. “Well, I could have managed just fine alone,” she told him carefully. “But I enjoyed your company. And your cooking,” she added with a weak smile.
“You’re not planning to work tomorrow, are you?” Even to him his voice sounded suddenly strained, but she only looked quickly at him and shook her head.
“No, Webb told me to take off until Monday. Even then he probably won’t let me do anything except serve as general gofer until my stitches are out.”
“Good. I’ll call you tomorrow, then.”
“All right. Good night, Jeff.”
“Good night, Autumn.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her lingeringly. “I love you,” he whispered when he released her, and then he left hurriedly, while he could still make himself go.
So now he knew, he thought a long time later, staring into his pool as he sat beside it, unable to sleep. Now he knew what was missing. Autumn loved him, but she still refused to admit that she needed him. And until she did, they could never have the relationship he wanted them to have. There would always be a part of herself that she held back from him. She didn’t trust him enough to allow herself to need him.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. Because he needed her so desperately, and he was terribly afraid that he would never really have her.
OUTWARDLY THEIR RELATIONSHIP changed little during the next two weeks. They spent their free time together, sometimes alone, sometimes with Jeff’s friends or Autumn’s. They attended the Jeremy Kane performance and were both caught up in the magic the skilled entertainer wove with his audience. Afterward they went to Jeff’s house and made love, and their magic was even more powerful than Kane’s.
But Jeff was still painfully conscious of the restraints between them. He couldn’t stop himself from telling Autumn how much he loved her. He murmured the words when he kissed her good-night, spoke them into the telephone when he couldn’t see her, gasped them in the throes of passion. At first she’d been hesitant to respond in kind, but as the days passed, it seemed to become easier for her. She could tell him she loved him. She would not tell him that she needed him.
It was the middle of March before Jeff finally convinced Autumn to go with him to Sarasota for a weekend with his family. It was his parent’s thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, and their friends were giving them a small reception on Saturday evening. “How will you introduce me?” Autumn asked him warily.
“I’ll tell everyone that you’re the electrician I’ve been sleeping with,” he returned without a beat.
“Jeff!”
He laughed. “Well, really, Autumn, how do you think I’m going to introduce you? I thought I’d tell everyone that your name is Autumn Reed. Does that meet with your approval?”
“I just don’t want you to give your parents the wrong idea about us,” she answered carefully. “It’s…it’s not like we’re engaged or anything.”
“Honey, just because I’m taking you to meet my parents doesn’t mean they’ll think we’re engaged,” he argued, though she fancied there was a bit of wistfulness behind his words.
“Then you’ve taken other women home to meet them?” She spoke lightly, trying to hide that she hated the very idea.