“I want you, Jeff,” she answered without hesitation.
He groaned and kissed her again, his hand seeking the clasp of her bra. It was enough, he told himself thickly. It was enough—for now. It had to be.
And then he groaned again when a high-pitched beeping penetrated the thick fog of desire inside his head. Cursing beneath his breath, he forced himself to roll away from her, his hand going to the small plastic box clipped to his belt. “I’m sorry.”
Her breathing as ragged as his, Autumn struggled upright, pushing her hair out of her face with an unsteady hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”
Checking the telephone number displayed on the tiny screen of the pager, Jeff nodded toward the extension phone on her bedside table. “May I?”
“Of course.” Autumn reached self-consciously for her blouse. So this is what it’s like to date a doctor, she thought with an attempt at humor that she didn’t at all feel.
She couldn’t help hearing Jeff’s end of the conversation as she buttoned her blouse. “What’s up, Julian?” he asked, his voice still husky with passion. “She is? Tonight? Damn. I was hoping she’d make it through Christmas. No, I’m glad you called. I want to be with her mother when it happens. Hang around, will you? I’ll be there soon. Thanks, Julian.”
Running his hands through his tousled hair, Jeff turned to Autumn when he’d replaced the receiver, and there was sadness in his eyes. “I’ve got to go,” he told her. “I’m losing a patient tonight, a little girl with cystic fibrosis. I want to be there for her mother.”
“I understand. I’m sorry.” She wanted to reach out to him, to ease the pain she read in him, but she didn’t know how.
“I’m sorry, too. For everything.” His awkward gesture at the rumpled bed said as much as his words.
Autumn shrugged, feeling her face grow hot. “I know.”
Jeff started to turn toward the bedroom door, then he stopped suddenly, as if on impulse, and turned back to her. “Maybe it’s best that this happened tonight. Before we made love.”
Puzzled, she tilted her head to one side and looked up at him. “Why?”
Again he ran his hand through his hair, an a typically nervous gesture from him. “Because I’m not sure I could ever walk away from you if we make love,” he blurted out at length. “Because once we’ve taken that step, I couldn’t bear the thought of another man being with you, touching you. Hell, I can’t bear that thought now. It’s already too late for me. But you’ve been given a reprieve, Autumn. Another chance.”
“Another chance for what?” she asked warily, moistening suddenly dry lips.
Moving abruptly, he cradled her face in both his hands, gently forcing her to look up at him. “Another chance to back away from the relationship developing between us before we lose control of it. I’m not talking about sex, Autumn. I won’t deny that I want you, that I want to make love to you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman, but that’s only a part of what I feel for you. I want a future, a commitment. And making love with you will only strengthen those feelings.”
Her heart pounded in her chest, her hands trembled, and she recognized the symptoms of pure fear. This was what she’d tried to avoid from the beginning. Somehow she’d known that Jeff wouldn’t meekly participate in the no-strings-attached affair she’d tried to convince herself she wanted with him. “Then maybe we’d better end it, Jeff. Because I’m not looking for a commitment right now. Believe me, it wouldn’t work. I’m not the right woman for you. For an affair, maybe, some good times. But not for anything more lasting.”
“You’re wrong,” he told her, his eyes blazing. “You’re exactly the right woman for me. I’ve known from the moment I saw you. And don’t try to convince me that you make a habit of indulging in a string of affairs. I won’t believe you.”
She lifted her chin in an instinctively defensive gesture at his too-close accusation. “You don’t know that. You couldn’t know.”
“I know,” he answered simply.
She jerked away from him, stepping back to put space between them. “Hadn’t you better go to the hospital?”
“Yes. I wish I could stay so we could talk about this some more, but I can’t. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“No,” she said quickly. “Don’t.”
“Autumn…”
“Please, Jeff. I need time. I’m not ready for this now.”
He sighed and nodded. “All right. I shouldn’t have brought up my feelings like this, knowing I didn’t have time to stay and talk it out. But I didn’t want to leave you thinking that all I want from you is an affair.”
He closed the distance between them again and dropped a brief kiss on her still-swollen lips. “Think about us, Autumn. Think about the feelings that have been there between us from the beginning. More than passion, more than desire. Don’t be afraid of those feelings, honey.”
Honey. She’d always disliked that endearment, considered it demeaning. So why did the word make her knees go weak when spoken so softly by Jeff? “I…” She what? Wordlessly she stared at him.
“It’s your move again, Autumn. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to make it. Good night.” He turned and moved away from her, his long strides quickly crossing the living room to the front door.
Some impulse made her run after him. “Jeff!”