Pie takes her cup and sips. “Mm. It’s good. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it’s a little sweet.”
I sniff it and the scent conjures up barely-there memories of long-ago days when sipping wine for breakfast was just how it was done.
“You’re smiling,” Pie says.
“Mm. This wine is familiar. All of this is kind of familiar.”
“So you’ve been here?”
“No. And it’s not my era. Maybe a hundred years off, but it’s close enough.”
Pie picks up a red grape and studies it, then pops it into her mouth. “I think I get it. It would be like me being thrust into a far future where nothing is like it is now. I mean, holy shit. The wheel was a newfangled thing back in your day.”
I laugh loudly. “That’s so not accurate. We were engineers. We built the greatest cities this planet has ever seen. We had running water, and bathrooms, and the gods, of course. They were here, back then.”
She points at me with her cup. “You were one of them.”
“No,” I admit. “A wood spirit, and not much more. But like I said, I had my own small cult. So men would pray to me on the hunt.”
“And would you give them a deer, or whatever?”
I shrug. “Sometimes. But there was a deer spirit too, and he wasn’t inclined to make deals with me unless he got something in return.”
“What did the deer spirit want?”
“Girls.”
Pie laughs out loud. “OK. I should’ve seen that coming.”
“And wood nymphs”—I shake my head—“they are not stupid. The deer spirit, he wasn’t well liked. So I had to charm them… and it was just a lot of work to deliver on a hunt prayer. So. Whatever. I was usually just drunk. And the girls were amicable if you weren’t trying to sell them into slavery, so they liked me better when I let the hunters go hungry.”
“Ah. Now I understand your fascination with wood nymphs.”
I nod. Can’t stop the grin. “That would be why.”
“Well, I’ve been told that I’m not a wood nymph.”
“Not even close,” I mutter. “That’s not a bad thing, by the way. They’re very treacherous to navigate around.”
She huffs. “I feel like you’re not appreciating my bad-girl side. I’m a rebel too.”
“Sure you are.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Not even a little bit.”
She eats another grape, drinks her wine, looks around, chewing and swallowing. “What do you think is on the other side of that door?”
She’s pointing to a regular door belonging to this time, and not a portal door. “This is a palace, so… the usual. Debauchery, decadence, depravity. Just a bunch of wickedness.”
“So are we waiting for the party to come to us? Or what’s the deal? Are we going to the orgy or what? I want to explore. Are you coming?”
She’s kidding. I can tell. Her words are filled with laughter. But hey, if she wants to see a Roman orgy, I’m not turning that down. “I’m in. Let’s go.”
I start heading in the direction of the interior palace door, but she pulls on me. “Wait. Can we get lost if we go exploring? Do we have to backtrack to this room? How does that work?”
I pause and smile at her. “You didn’t think I’d say yes to your orgy plan, did you?”
She straightens. I called her bluff and now she’s nervous. But she’s too proud to admit she’s nervous, so now she’s gotta go with it. “There are no orgies. Just another lie.”
“Ohhh.” I guffaw at that and cross my heart with a fingertip. “I swear. Orgies all day, every day. This is what the emperor does. And depending on who is emperor right now, it could get really sketchy. If this is Caligula’s Rome, there’s no telling what’s going on in this palace.”
She squints her eyes at me. “You’re afraid.”
“That’s it.” I drag her to the door, and before she can object any further, I open it and pull her through with me.
“It’s empty.” She sounds disappointed.
“It’s a hallway, Pie.”
“Hallway?” She looks up and around at the massive room.
“Just a way to get to the other rooms. Pick one.”
She heads for the first one, pulling me with her, and sends me a smirk over her shoulder. “I’m not a good girl. You’ve got me all wrong.”
“You think because I’m wearing the legs of a man, I’m safe, don’t you?”
“On the contrary, Mr. Hornjob. I’m dying to get to the woods and see you in your element. But first, I want to check out the historical shit. This place is like a living museum. I’m not gonna miss out on this educational opportunity.”
“Educational opportunity.” I can only shake my head. “That’s one way to put it. You’re about to see things that will make even me blush.”
She cocks her head. And everything about her expression is crooked. “I don’t know where you got the idea that I’m a good girl, but I’ll have you know that I was called a Babylonian whore by a nun two hours before I met you. Halloween night was…” She frowns. “Well, I don’t remember most of it. But let me tell you—those Catholic boys? Party central.”