Hmm. I whistle again, and it reciprocates.
“Well”—I sigh, looking up at it—“I don’t know what to make of you, little bird. But you’re not my problem.” So I continue up the steps and when I get to the top, I’m fully intending on making my way to the kitchen to fix my own damn meal when I catch the scent of something burning in the apothecary.
“Now what?” I stomp over there, throw the door open, and—“Holy fuck. What the hell is all this?”
I look around for Pie—because clearly this is her doing—and then spot her feet peeking out from behind a stone counter. “Shit.” I rush over, bend down, and cradle her head in my arm. “Pie?” I growl in her ear. “Can you hear me?”
She moans, then she’s slapping at me as she tries to sit up. “Stop it! Get away. Let me go.”
I back off and stand up. “What the hell are you doing on the floor? And what’s that awful smell?”
She breathes deeply and blinks several times before looking up at me. “Pell! Pants! How many times do I have to tell you to put on some fucking pants?”
“Satyr chimera don’t wear pants. I’m never going to wear pants again. Get over it. And you didn’t answer my question. What in the name of the gods are you doing in here?”
“I’m making potions so I can read the books.” She struggles to get to her feet, shielding her eyes from my lower body, and while I have an overwhelming urge to help her, I refrain because clearly she doesn’t want or need it.
Besides, I wouldn’t want to scar her fragile sensibilities with my enormous package. So I turn away and scan the room. “Tomas! Where the hell is Tomas?”
“He hasn’t shown up yet and I don’t know where to find him.”
When I turn back, she’s wiping her hands on her apron. “Why were you on the floor?”
She haphazardly paws at her hair. It’s a mess and kinda hanging in her face. “I think I passed out after I tried the last potion.”
“You what? Wait. You’re trying the potions…” I sigh and let the words trail off. “How stupid are you?”
“Shut up. And go away if you’re just gonna be a dick. I’m busy here.” She picks up a beaker, eyes the level of purple liquid inside, adds a pinch of something, pours it into a test tube, and then starts to put it up to her lips, like she’s going to drink that shit.
I swat at her hand and the test tube goes flying across the room, shattering on the stone wall.
Pie looks at the wall, then the smashed bits of her potion, then directs her glare to me. “What the hell is your problem? Do you have any idea how long it took me to brew that?”
I almost have no words for this girl. “My problem? You’re the dumbass drinking random potions!”
“They’re not random. They came right out of Grant’s book.” She taps his notebook to make her point. “And I’m close. I can read the Greek and Babylonian books. Latin can’t be far behind.”
“Nothing you just said made a bit of sense.”
“I’m cooking up a spell so I can read Latin.”
I look down at the book, read the spell she’s pointing to, and laugh.
“Laugh all you want, monster. I’m practically there. I’m trying to conjure up a spell that will make you happy so when I ask you for permission to get a job in town so I won’t go into debt, you will say yes. But you seem to be dead set on blowing up my world at every turn. I spent all morning coming up with that potion to read the books and you just destroyed most of it! Every time I start to figure something out, you’re there to kill my buzz!”
“First,” I say, holding up a clawed finger, “thank you for thinking of me.”
She inhales though her nose and forces out, “You’re welcome.”
“Second”—I raise another clawed finger—“you will not be getting a job. That’s out of the question.”
“Why not?” She’s working herself up now. “That’s totally not fair! You want me in debt to you so when I finally do leave here, I’ll have lost my youth!”
“Third”—I add to the list—“I’m not blowing up your world, Pie. You’re fighting it. And the harder you fight, the worse it will get. Just… accept it. You’re here. Possibly forever.”
“No. No!” She screams it. “I’m going to break that curse. You’ll see. This magic? It’s not magic. It’s a fucking recipe. All I have to do is follow the recipes and it’s all gonna work out. And it’s not going to take forever. A few weeks, that’s it. And I need to work off my debt so that when I leave here, I’m not some over-the-hill thirty-year old! And the only way to do that is to get a job so I can pay for the stuff we need with real money instead of magic money! And if you were any kind of compassionate human being, you’d understand this and want the best for me because what’s best for me is best for you!”