“What do you want from me? It’s not my fault I’m here. I was tricked.”
“You weren’t tricked. You saw an ad, you answered the ad. That was all you.”
“It was a trick. If I had known that the job came with a curse, I wouldn’t have bothered, obviously.”
“You put the ring on. So now you have to own it, Pie. We’re in this curse together and the sooner you realize that, the better off we’ll both be.”
“I’m not a witch. I can’t break your stupid curse.”
“You say that, but yet… here you are. How does that make sense?”
“I don’t know. But I’m not a witch. I don’t know any spells, I can’t concoct any potions. And the breakfast doesn’t count. Tomas told me how to do it. And it was just reciting words and waving my hand over raw food. I will not be helpful in any other capacity. So what we should do is—”
“Oh, you’ve been thinking about this, have you?”
“It was a quiet drive back, so yes, I had time to think. And I was thinking… we should just find another witch to help you.”
I almost snort. “Should we? Should we do that?”
“Yes. One who does have some actual magic.”
“What about your bird?”
“What about her?”
“She’s not magic?”
“She a psychosis. My personal hallucination. So no. She’s not magic.”
“Then why can I see her?”
“You don’t see her. That’s not my bird up in the ceiling.”
“Just some random bird, huh?”
“Yep. Just another random bird.”
I sigh. She’s just… not very quick, is she? “OK. Fine. She’s not magic, you’re not magic, but you’ve stumbled into a magical person in town?”
“Exactly!” She sits up straight and claps her hands. “Oh, my God. You’re not going to believe this—”
“You’re right, I’m not.”
“—but that sheriff? He’s your guy! Not me!”
I frown. “My guy?”
“Your magical guy. That flyer was meant for him. I’m sure of it. He opened the gate, Pell. The walking gate. Didn’t you see it?”
“Hm.”
“Yeah, hm. And that’s not all. He’s like… an aphrodisiac or something. He got me all hot and bothered while we were together. I mean, I don’t normally kiss on the first date, but after I went shopping, we met for lunch, and the next thing I know, he was dropping me off at the garage to pick up my Jeep, and we made out in the front seat of his cop car. I’m talking, his tongue was like…” She sighs.
“Was what? His tongue was like what?”
“Practically crawling down my throat.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Mmmm.” She hums, like she’s thinking this over. “Nah. It wasn’t. At all. It was fucking hot. Hot. Like totally—”
“I get it. It was hot. I cannot believe you were making out with the fucking sheriff of Granite Springs.”
“See, this is my point.”
“I’m failing to see any points in this conversation.”
“He did that to me. I am not the kind of girl who just makes out with a total stranger on the first date.”
“Date?”
“Lunch was our first date. But not the official first date. We decided that’s tomorrow. We’re going to dinner.”
I pull the Jeep over and yank on the parking brake to make a point. “You are not dating the sheriff.”
“Oh, I absolutely am. Because he’s the magic you need. See? I’m doing it for you.”
“Listen, Pie. Hear me. OK? I need you to hear me. You are not dating the sheriff. He is not taking your place in the curse. And from now on, you need my permission to leave the sanctuary.”
She snorts at me. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No. I’m not agreeing. And you can’t stop me from leaving. What are you gonna do? Chain me up in a dungeon?”
I consider this.
“You wouldn’t dare chain me up in a dungeon.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
“Pell. If I have to be stuck here washing your fucking hooves while I sweet-talk the sheriff into taking my place, then you will let me enjoy myself.”
“Does that mean you’re going to follow the rules?”
“Not if you make me ask you permission to leave.”
I wave my hand in the air, then release the parking brake and pull back on to the road. “Forget about the sheriff for now.”
“I’m going on that date tomorrow night.”
“Whatever. I have other things to explain.”
“Can’t it wait? Oh, hey!” She points to the lake. “I recognize this. That’s the lake behind my cottage.”
“Yep. Here we are.” I pull the Jeep into the gravel parking lot and turn the engine off. “Now listen, about the shopping today.”
“I didn’t know what you like, but I bought a lot of meat. Like, the best steaks ever. Porterhouses, and ribeyes, and T-bones. Mmm. I’m gonna cook them tonight. I’m a decent griller. I don’t need Grant’s kitchen spells to help me do that.”
I let out a long breath. She’s gonna be so pissed.
Tomas’s head appears at the top of the gate. He’s waving and yelling. “Did you tell her the bad news?”