It was empty when we arrived, and with every step I took toward the ruined temple, Atroxia's tearful voice seeped into my mind. Diana had saved her from death, but saving her had also cursed her, much as saving me from Caesar's cave had cursed me with the bulla. And I understood now what the curse had done to Atroxia. It gave a simple vestalis the title of Mistress, and for reasons I doubted Radulf fully knew, he was convinced that she must remain asleep.
If she really was asleep. No sleeping person I'd ever heard could cry like this. Then again, I'd never heard anyone who could cry for such a long time either. If Valerius was right about Atroxia, then she had been buried here shortly after Caesar's death almost three hundred years ago. This had to be a memory of her tears, and nothing more.
Brutus dismounted and walked up to face me. He cocked his head as a reminder that he had won, but I kept my expression blank. I didn't want him to read anything from me.
Brutus had his hand on the bulla still around his neck, but not in the obsessive way I always seemed to hold it. He just wanted me to be aware that it was in his control right now, and that I had to cooperate to get it back. I didn't need to cooperate -- a burst of magic from the Divine Star would get it back for me. But that wouldn't solve anything. I needed to open the door.
"Before I do this, I want to see my mother," I said.
"I had the very same idea." Brutus motioned for a couple of men behind him to do as I had demanded. When his attention returned to me, he asked, "What is it like, to care so intensely about others that you forget yourself? It makes you such an easy target, do you know that? Whatever I want from you, all I have to do is choose from those you love, and I know you will give in."
"And I might ask what it's like to care for nobody but yourself. Is your world cold? Your heart nothing but a crusty rock and your soul a bitter wind? It makes you such an easy target, because the only person I have to go after is you."
He leaned in. "I care nothing for other people, that is true. But I will serve the goddess Diana forever, even into the afterlife."
"Be careful," I warned. "You may get there sooner than you think."
"Nicolas?"
The Praetors were escorting my mother into the field. She had been cleaned up since I saw her last; she looked tired, but still healthy and strong. There were no chains on her wrists, and though her feet were bare, her clothes were nicer than most slave women wore. She looked much improved from when I'd seen her in the caged wagon.
I nodded at her and she smiled back, but with an audience around us now, I couldn't think of any words to say. There was so much to tell her. It felt like a hundred lifetimes since I had spoken privately to her in that cage. How could I describe everything that had happened in only a few words? Years ago, before the mines, I could have communicated every thought in my head from only one look between us. But I had changed since then, and maybe she had too. Though I loved her and remembered how it had once been to have a mother I could depend on, I just didn't know her anymore. And so I didn't know what to say.
"Nicolas," she whisper
ed again. "My son." And that told me enough of the emotions in her heart. Her love for me, her fear, and her worries that I was making a great mistake now.
I started toward her, but Brutus stepped between us. "Open the door first."
I looked back to my mother, who shook her head at me.
"I'm sorry," I said to her. "But I have to do this." Then I reached out my hand for the bulla, and it lifted from his chest in obedience to my call.
Brutus took hold of it. "No tricks, Nicolas. Do not risk your mother's life."
"The risk is yours if you continue to threaten her," I countered. "Now give me that bulla, and let's finish with this."
He handed it to me, and I put it back over my head. I was already anxious enough that when the magic flooded into me, I gasped with the pressure inside.
"Are you all right?" Brutus asked.
"Hush, or you'll get your answer." I walked to the pile of rubble, closed my eyes as I knelt before it, and called the wolf.
There was a reaction when the Praetors saw the wolf of Mars. For many of them, it was probably the first time they'd seen the wolf here, and this one was larger and fiercer than those in the wild. If I had asked him to attack, he would have, and probably could do far more damage than I'd ever done with my magic. But that wasn't my purpose.
The wolf came to sit beside me, and I put a hand on the back of his neck. Above the sound of Atroxia's tears, Mars's voice came into my head.
"You've come again to open this temple."
"I've come to see it again," I silently replied. "But to open it for the first time."
"Very well."
"I can hear the Mistress. Is she awake?"
"No," Mars said. "And if you are wise, you will not disturb her."
That would be a problem. Because if I'd learned anything over the past several days, it was that I lacked wisdom, or any good sense, for that matter.