"Do you have to accept that position?" I asked.
He shrugged. "No, but what else can I do?"
"What would you do?" Livia asked. "If you had the choice."
"First, I would travel the empire, or even beyond." Obviously, Crispus ha
d already put thought into this. "Did you know Egypt has pyramids that are over two thousand years old? How could their slaves have built them with none of the tools or techniques we have today? In the eastern part of the empire is a palace built to resemble a mountain, with gardens that grow from every ledge. And I'm sure if I went beyond the empire's borders, even greater things could be found in the world."
I smiled back at him. Crispus had been so confined by his duty to his father and the expectations for his future, that I'd never even dreamed he had such ideas.
And Crispus wasn't finished. "When I've seen the world from end to end," he said, "then I would return to Rome and build the greatest monument to the empire the world has ever seen. It would put the amphitheater to shame, or the Pantheon, or the emperor's palace."
"You should do that now," Livia said. "Don't become a judge. Not if you don't want that."
His eyes had lit so much in speaking that they became even sadder now. He sat on a rock and shrugged. "I must honor my father's wishes. I'll become a judge and hope to one day be elected senator."
"Does Aurelia know about this?" I asked. "What did she have to say?"
The one thing I knew about Aurelia was that she always had something to say about everything. The emperor himself could not possibly have as many opinions as Aurelia did.
Crispus threw up his hands in frustration. "She was angry, as you might've guessed. She had the same idea as Livia, that I should do what I want with my life."
"Let's go up to your home and see her," I said. Not only would she help me convince Crispus to live a life of his choosing, but I also genuinely wanted to see her again.
When the vestalis had spoken to me in Diana's grove, she had said some things that bothered me, things I very much wanted to discuss with Aurelia. The vestalis said the Mistress would teach me about love, and that I would teach the Mistress as well. I could not think of how I had anything more to learn about such a basic concept. Even if I did, I was no teacher. But Aurelia would know what to do.
Crispus frowned. "Aurelia's not here anymore."
"Where did she go?"
"Whoever knows where she goes?" he said. "We had a fight this morning about this very subject. She said that once you got your mother back, you would take your family and leave Rome, and that she intended to go with you."
My ears perked up. Aurelia had said that?
"She wants me to leave with you as well."
And as quickly as it had risen, my heart fell again. I had constantly searched my friendship with Aurelia for any chance of finding something more between us. But for every weak possibility I found, there were a dozen more reminders that hope was a futile thing. My friendship was important to Aurelia, but so was her friendship with Crispus. It was time to give up hoping for her.
"Are you coming to the race tomorrow?" Livia asked.
Crispus shook his head. "I can't sit with the other senators, and I don't want to sit alone." His eyes drifted to Livia. "Perhaps you'd sit with me and Aurelia, if she comes back."
"Perhaps," Livia said quietly. It was a significant offer -- the circus was one of the rare public places men and women could sit together.
I had another suggestion. "Come with me," I said to Crispus. "Help me get started in the race."
His expression brightened. "Won't your grandfather be with you?"
"He'll be watching the race," I said. "Please come. I really could use somebody on my side at the gates."
Crispus smiled. "I'll be there, then. But it won't only be me, Nic. A caelo usque ad centrum. Have you heard that phrase before?"
From heaven to the center of earth. Yes, I had heard it. But only once before.
When I nodded, he continued, "If spirits are allowed to wander from the heavens, then my father will be watching you race. He would want you to win tomorrow."
I risked a glance over to the temple, which I could still see perfectly well, even if Crispus could not. But I did not risk smiling -- that was too much -- and quickly looked away. At last I understood how to use the key on a temple without a door. Better yet, I knew what the key was, and that what everyone suspected was true: I'd had it all along.