"Anaya had a power that Lord Endrick very much desired: the ability to make her presence unknown to others, to fade into any background. The power came at a high price to her strength, but it kept her alive when all other Endreans were being slaughtered. Eventually, Anaya decided that she could not hide herself forever, so she had only two choices. Wait until her strength failed her and she was found by Lord Endrick, or fight back."
"Anaya used her power to steal the Olden Blade," Simon mumbled.
I nodded. "Yes, though it cost her the last of her magic. Unable to protect herself any longer, the dagger passed to her closest friend, the woman who had hidden her since Lord Endrick took power, and a warrior she believed was capable of victory."
Simon let out a low whistle. "Risha Halderian. You learned all of this from the diary? Why would your mother write about the Infidante?"
This time, I could not force myself to speak. And maybe the silence became its own answer.
"Oh," he finally said. "Lily Dallisor was not your mother."
I closed my eyes, feeling the pain of hearing the words spoken aloud. The blanket I had wanted to find in Lily's room was never there, because she had never expected to be taking in a child. Darrow knew it wouldn't be there. For three years in the Lava Fields, Darrow had let me believe lies about myself.
Pushing down those thoughts, I said, "When Risha and Anaya were brought into the dungeons, despite their crimes against Lord Endrick, Lily saw that my mother was expecting a child, and took pity on her. Gerald was a guard in the dungeons
then and did all he could to protect Lily's secret visits. After I was born, Lord Endrick issued the order for the executions. My mother begged Lily to save my life."
"Her decision with eternal consequences," Simon suggested.
"Yes. Lily brought me before Sir Henry and said that if he harmed me, she would leave Antora the very next day. Whatever else he is or does, Sir Henry loved Lily and agreed to take me in, though he never stopped resenting me for it. You and I have at least one thing in common, Simon. We both escaped those dungeons, only I did it from my birth."
An hour seemed to pass while Simon let that sink in. All I could do was ride onward, keeping my eyes on the western horizon, pretending that my heart was not about to pound its way free of my chest.
Simon's hands had loosened around my waist. But no matter how hard it was for him to contemplate this, he didn't know the worst of it. Finally, his hands tightened again, as if trying to comfort me, to assure me that this revelation would change nothing between us.
How wrong he was.
"This is why you were crying yesterday morning," he said. "If Risha Halderian is your mother, then--"
"I never said that." Dangerous as that would be, at least my life would still make sense. "It's a good thing you're weak as I'm telling you this, because I already know how you'll respond. My mother is not Lily Dallisor. Nor is it Risha Halderian."
As expected, his hands released me entirely, and he sat up straight, pulling away from me so suddenly that I felt as if I had just been separated in half. Yet I could sense his internal battle, not wanting to accept the only possibility that remained, or the consequences of it. At last he said, "Your mother was Anaya. You are Endrean, just like Lord Endrick."
"You said that if Endrick hadn't killed every last Endrean, your orders were to finish the job. You are bound by oath to kill me."
In my life, I'd made three oaths. The first to Garr, that I would carry on my adopted father's legacy, to the best of my ability.
The second to Tenger, that as a Corack, I would fight against the Dominion until Endrick's death.
And the third to the Coracks. That I would not allow anyone with Endrean blood to live.
These weren't passing fancies, or a flirtation with philosophy. These were commitments I had considered for some time, and for which I was willing to die. Never once had I violated those oaths, or ever questioned my belief that history would put me on Antora's side.
Never once.
Until now.
Kestra halted our horse, her entire body suddenly as rigid as a board. Without a word, she slid off the horse from one side and I dismounted from the other, though that was far too elegant a word for my sloppy half-fall to the ground. Open road stretched out in both directions, leaving us completely exposed. Above every other emotion currently twisting inside me, our open position made me nervous.
Kestra remained exactly where she was, forcing me to limp around the horse. She faced me with fisted hands on her hips, ready to run if necessary. As if, in my current state, I had any chance of catching her.
I was still at a distance from her when I stopped, and kept my hand far from my sword. "You lied to us--to me--about who you really are."
She didn't flinch. "You have orders regarding who I really am."
"I would never hurt you, Kes."
"Are you sure? Eventually, Tenger will find out the truth. What happens when he commands you to execute the Endrean girl? Me."