“Kestra, wait!” I glanced back and saw Simon hurrying toward me.
“Go back to your subjects. Go back to her.”
“Kes … stop, please.”
I did, but folded my arms, unwilling to look at him. He stood silently beside me until someone in the crowd behind us called, “Where is the king?” Simon sighed, then put a hand on my back to lead me forward. “Let’s talk in private.”
My heart pounded, and a shiver ran up my spine, but for entirely different reasons than it once had. When Tenger had spoken to me, it had been an easy thing to understand that if Endrick had the necklace, then he knew there were feelings between me and Simon. Maybe Tenger was right; I should put as much distance between us as possible.
But now that I was near him, it was even easier to tell myself that the damage was already done. Whether I stayed or left made no difference to what Endrick would do with the information in the necklace.
When I finally dared to steal a glance at Simon, he immediately met my eyes and I caught my breath in my throat. I’d never seen him like this before, the ferocity of his intent chilling and warming me with every look he sent my way.
We walked in silence for some distance, into a walled-off vegetable garden, one which might have provided much of the evening’s feast. The sun had already been low on the horizon, stars beginning to shine in the deep blue sky. The glow of sunset tinted the air around us, casting golden tones on Simon’s profile.
I froze in the entry, but he grabbed my hand instead and pulled me deeper into the darkening corner.
I didn’t want another fight, but that seemed to be his intention. I yanked my hand away and stepped back, squaring my body to his. Time stopped between us. His breaths were deep and deliberate. I’d barely breathed since the moment I faced him. Finally, I mumbled, “Simon—”
In a single stride, he closed the space between us, cupped my cheek with one hand, and kissed me. The kiss was fierce and hungry and instantly melted every defense I had. He followed it with another, one which created a fire in me that burned for his next kiss, the next beat of his heart against mine. His left hand curled around my waist, pressing us closer, and then slid up the small of my back, leaving me to tremble in his arms, wanting more. Wanting only him.
I longed to live in this imaginary world where only he and I existed. Where our existence together wasn’t questioned or challenged or … torn apart. But that’s all we could ever have now, an imagined life within a temporary dream.
I tilted my face away from him, then slowly backed deeper into the corner, each step away like splitting myself in half. When I found the courage for it, my eyes rose to his and I saw the hurt in his expression. But neither of us spoke. He didn’t seem to know what to say any more than I did.
He finally began, “Since we left Woodcourt, I can’t count the number of times you’ve tried to leave me.”
I shrugged. “You should have let me go.” But even though I said the words, even though I believed them, I still couldn’t make myself walk away.
He rubbed one hand over his mouth and jaw, but dropped it before saying, “Please stay.” As if a simple request could fix everything. Or was it a command? He was a king now, after all.
“You ask me to stay and watch you marry that girl?”
His eyes darted away before returning to me. “Those were only words for the people’s sake.”
“Yes, but after Harlyn bowed to you, the way you looked at her was more than words.” He started to shake his head, but I said, “It makes sense to choose her, Simon, more than it’ll ever make sense to choose me. She will secure your rule. I threaten it. She agrees with everything you say, and I think we only fight. She has no magic—”
He stepped forward. “Your magic, Kes. Is there anything I should know?”
I lowered my eyes. “What do you mean?”
A pause, then, “These powers you have … are they affecting you?”
When I looked up again, his expression had changed. No longer with the soft gaze of his eyes or the intensity of his feelings, but with suspicion, just as it had after I’d healed him in the forest. Like that, we were there again, with his doubt, his mistrust. How were we ever to build a relationship on that foundation?
The answer took me back to where it always did: We couldn’t.
Blinking back the sting in my eyes, I said, “The truth is that we’ve gone as far as we’ll ever go together.”
“Because you have magic? We can figure out—”
“There is nothing to figure out. This is who I am, what I am. Whether you like it or not, we have to face reality.”
“I agree. It is reality that my heart stops every time I see you. The knot in my gut when you turn away is real, because this is real, Kes. This moment. You and I here, right now, this is all that’s real.”
A pressure rose in my chest. “What is this, then? You and I sneaking off for a moment alone, hoping not to be caught because then you’ll be pulled in one direction and I in the other? This is our future?”
“It’s a start.” He crossed to me again, and his hands slid up my arms, coming to rest as they tangled in my hair and wrapped around my shoulders. “I know you’ve got battles ahead, on the ground, and in your heart. Let me fight them with you.”