I followed her gaze to the far end of the water where the source of the light came from deep below, casting the entire pool in a strong blue glow.
Loelle allowed me to observe that for a few minutes, then I asked, “What is that light?”
“That is the source of Endrean magic. It fills these waters. Kestra, it is filling you.”
I knew I was supposed to protest, that the consequences of what was happening to me could be terrible. I remembered how hard Simon had fought to keep me away from here, but as I lay immersed in these waters, my only thought was how wrong he had been. That if he understood how beautiful it was, how beautiful magic was, he would know that this was the right place for me.
“I want magic,” I said to Loelle.
“You were born to this.” Loelle had been dipping her hand into the water and now brushed her wet hand over my hair. “Claim your powers. Claim that which belongs to you.”
“I’m only half Endrean. Will that matter?”
“That’s what we’re here to find out,” she said. “But if your body could not tolerate magic, then you would have died in these waters.”
“I’m more alive than I’ve ever been.” I smiled over at her. “I want to swim.”
She smiled back. “Go, my lady.”
I dove into the water, breathing in the cool water as easily as I’d breathe air. Magic became my air instead, my life. The water flowed through my lungs and veins, transforming me, changing me, making me whole. The closer I swam to the blue light, the warmer I felt, the more complete I became. I passed through the blue glow to the light itself, basking in its presence until I knew upon swimming away that the light would come with me, because I was the light and the light was me.
Until I knew I had magic.
I surfaced near where I’d left Loelle, but emerged from the water perfectly dry. Stronger than ever, perfectly whole.
I raised my hands in front of me to examine them, turning them forward, then back. I ran them down my body, checking for signs of anything physically different about me.
Loelle laughed. “You look as you did before, you’ll think and act as you did before. But you will not be as you always were. You are greater than that now, or you will be, as soon as you come to understand all that you can do.”
“I want to know, I want to understand.” I reached my arms into the air, stretching my body as magic continued to spread through me. I felt it building in me, spreading strength as it traveled. Spreading light and power and knowledge. Things I didn’t even know that I knew.
Suddenly, I stumbled back, pressing a hand to my temple and gasping. Loelle stood. “My lady?”
It took a moment to catch my breath again, but only because I’d been caught completely off guard. I collapsed to my knees, trying to absorb what was happening to me.
Memories were flashing back into my mind, faster than I could sort them or separate them, like a series of pictures being thrust in front of my eyes, one after another after another.
“It’s all right.” Loelle brushed her hand across my back, lovingly, like a mother might do. Maybe like my mother had done for me, long ago.
I closed my eyes tight, but that only made it worse. “I can’t stop what’s happening, Loelle. I can’t see everything all at once.”
Her hand pressed against my back and my breaths became more even again. “They’ll slow down, in time,” she said. “And they’ll begin to come together.”
“Some are wonderful,” I said, noting a memory of my adopted mother, Lily, swinging me around by the hands in the gardens of Woodcourt. “Others are not.” I wished that closing my eyes was enough to keep out the worst of my history. Awful as those brief glimpses into my past were, no sooner had I retreated from the horror than the best of memories took their place. I tried to latch on to one and explore it further, but then it too turned to another and another again.
“Loelle, please help me!” Dizziness overwhelmed me, and my emotions were becoming stirred up. I collapsed to the ground.
Loelle crouched beside me and placed her hands on either side of my face. It didn’t slow the memories, but whatever she was doing calmed my responses to them.
“It takes great courage to relive one’s past,” Loelle said. “But you are the sum of all your memories. To withhold the bad would be to deprive yourself of all that those difficult times taught you. You can do this, Kestra.”
&
nbsp; “I have to.” I grabbed her arm and she helped me stand again. “I’ll tell you what I’m seeing. If you can explain it, I want to know. I want to know who I am.”
My eyes were already open when Trina called for us to rise. I’d barely slept ten minutes together and I had a pounding ache in my head, each pulse seeming to repeat Kestra’s name, a constant reminder that by now, she had claimed her Endrean heritage.
If that had happened, then I should have been happy that at least she was alive, and I was. But I also understood far too well that her fate was sealed now. I might already be too late to stop the events that were now set in motion against her.