Atroxia's terrible decisions had resulted in the death of Julius Caesar. My decisions had resulted in the death of Aurelia's father, and Valerius's death, and had nearly done the same to others I cared so deeply about.
And for as often as Atroxia had begged for my help, I had refused, claiming that she deserved her punishment.
Had I deserved the sentence the emperor delivered upon me? If the vestalis had not saved me, I would've met my end yesterday. I should never have been saved, but I was. And there would be a price for it.
Diana's curse upon Atroxia saved her too, though it also asked her to pay a heavy price. Even if the dragon swore revenge upon Rome, Atroxia had only ever wanted the empire's forgiveness.
Just as I wanted forgiveness.
I wondered again about where Aurelia was, if she was truly at the place where we were going, and if she was still safe. Depending on the answers to those questions, then I also hoped she would forgive me for getting her into this situation in the first place.
She might, considering that she had already forgiven me for other offenses just as awful.
I'd never fully understood how both Aurelia and Crispus could have forgiven me for what had happened to their fathers. I should've been stronger or faster or smart enough to help them before it was too late. Yet not only had they forgiven me, they had continued standing at my side.
Livia had forgiven me for upending our comparatively simple lives in the mine. My mother had forgiven me for refusing to obey her orders. So had Radulf.
Yet I was still carrying the guilt with me, like a constant burden chained to my back. Maybe it was no different from the dragon Atroxia carried everywhere with her. Atroxia's problem wasn't getting forgiveness from the empire -- that's why the vestalis said it was only the first step in removing her curse. Atroxia's problem was that she needed to forgive herself for her crimes.
As I needed to forgive myself. Because very soon I would bring in a terrible storm, igniting a battle that I might not win. I didn't want to go into the next life still chained to my guilt.
That was what I had not understood about love. What the Mistress had to teach me. Forgiveness was real, and with it came love. The vestalis had been right again.
Which was why I knew she was right about the biggest question of all. I had to break Diana's curse. It didn't work for me to try killing the dragon; that would've killed Atroxia too. Only one other choice remained. I stuck my free hand into the pocket of my tunic and brushed my finger across the smooth stone. It was only a small white rock now, but its purpose was to become the most powerful amulet in existence.
If I made it happen.
Because what I was about to do would prove to be the greatest test of my life. The test of how close I could get to the edge of a cliff before I fell into nothingness.
The problem was, the only way to know that the edge is too close is after you've already fallen.
After we crossed over Rome's city gates, we flew northward between the circus and the amphitheater, and fortunately crossed over the forums before the dragon angled downward. At first I thought the Mistress intended to land near the Tiber River, a place I dreaded for the upcoming battle. The storm would cause enough trouble without adding floodwaters to a wide river I probably still couldn't swim.
Except we weren't going as far as the river. Instead, we circled over a building with a square entrance and arched roof, but the temple portion behind it was entirely circular with a rounded roof and a large opening in the top called an oculus. This was the Pantheon, completely unique among other buildings in Rome in both design and its equal dedication to all the gods. Of course Diana would want the storm created here. She had no interest in the equality of the gods.
When we were directly overhead, the dragon suddenly dove toward the earth, sharp enough that for a moment I was sure she intended to drop me, which would've been a problem, even with the use of magic.
We entered the Pantheon through its oculus, though it was only barely wide enough for the dragon when its wings were drawn close to its body. Radulf had brought me here once before, though of course we'd come and gone through the large bronze doors like normal people. On that day, I'd stared up at the oculus for a very long time, trying to understand its purpose. Radulf told me that nobody fully understood why the oculus was created. I had thought it was an eye for the gods, a window for them to look in on their people. Now I wondered if it was something different. Maybe the entire Pantheon had only one purpose, and may
be I was the one meant to fulfill it.
Although every temple was beautiful, no other place I had ever seen was so magnificent on the inside. The Pantheon ceiling had rings of coffers inlaid with bronze sheeting. Its walls were painted in bright frescoes and decorated with red, purple, and yellow gems. A marble altar sat in the center of the room, directly beneath the oculus. It was surrounded by seven alcoves along the circular floor, each with a different statue of a god in it.
When I'd come before, I'd studied Jupiter's statue for a long time, wondering if the Jupiter Stone was real, if a person could truly survive after creating it. If the Mistress had her way, I would have the answer to that question tonight.
Apollo's statue was in another alcove, and next to him Mars and then Mercury, Saturn, and Venus. I had only strolled past Diana's statue before, refusing to pay any respect to it. Now I wished I had, for Diana controlled the moon, which shone brightly into the building. She would be watching this place tonight, knowing that, by the end, she would either have her amulet to defeat the gods or her rebellion would be over.
It likely wasn't a common occurrence for a dragon to make an appearance within the walls of the Pantheon, so as we entered, I'd expected cries from temple worshippers as they scattered from the building.
If not that, then I expected to hear Aurelia's cries. The Mistress had promised to take me to her. She had to be here. Why was it so silent?
The Mistress released me as soon as we landed on the floor of the Pantheon, then flew back into the dome, digging into the cement coffers with her claws to give herself balance.
I immediately rose to my feet and looked around for Aurelia.
"Where is she?" I asked. "You promised --"
"She's here with me." Brutus emerged from behind the statue of Jupiter, holding Aurelia by the arm. She was bound with a rag tied over her mouth, and shook her head when she saw me. It was a message, that much was clear, but I had no idea what she meant by it.