"Someone would see what you're doing and report you, and you'd end up here in chains beside me." I barely had the strength to shake my head, so maybe it didn't move at all. "Besides, the Divine Star isn't strong enough to heal me now. I'd need the bulla."
"It's worth trying. If you saw your back, if you knew how bad it looks --"
"I can feel it; I have some idea." I forced out something close to a smile. "I'd rather you just ... stay with me. Please just stay here."
He nodded and sat against the tree trunk near me. I remained on my knees, which were beginning to ache, but the idea of moving to a new position seemed worse, so I stayed as I was. Everywhere the whip had touched stung like lines of fire burned there, but at least the worst was over.
Or maybe it wasn't. Brutus wanted those amulets. He would do whatever it took to force me to use them. I didn't want to think about what was coming for me tomorrow.
So rather than keep my thoughts there, I said to Crispus, "Aurelia wants me to ask about your ... feelings."
He looked up. "My what?"
"Feelings. I don't understand the point of it either, but she thought it was important."
"My feelings about what?"
I would've shrugged, except that simple act would've left me gasping in pain, so instead I sighed and said, "About Aurelia, I suppose. Do you love her? Do you still want to marry her?"
"I never wanted to marry her." He quickly followed that up with "At first I offered because my father suggested I should. Then I offered because someone had to protect her inheritance. Then I offered because it was the only way to protect her from the Mistress." He was silent for a few beats. "I never offered because I loved her."
"Your father is gone," I said. "And so is Aurelia's inheritance. And the Mistress is trapped far beneath Lake Nemi. Will you still marry her?"
"I'm an honorable person. So I will keep my promise, for as long as she asks it, but I will not ask that she keeps her promise." Crispus looked sideways at me. "Not if she wishes to promise herself to someone else." He paused, as if waiting for me to say something, and when I didn't, he added, "Nic, why haven't you told her how you feel?"
I snorted. "Looking at my situation now, is that really such a hard thing to understand?"
"No." Something tugged at the corner of his mouth. In any other situation, it would've been a smile. "I've always understood your reluctance to offer marriage. But I wish you would. Because although I'm not in love with Aurelia, there is a girl I want to talk to you about."
A glimmer sparked in his eyes, one I should've noticed before whenever he was with me and Livia.
Livia.
I thought back to shortly after his father's death. While I had stared dumbly at him, completely unsure of what to do next, Livia had embraced him, attempting to share his pain and, in that way, ease it a bit. She was beautiful and kind and more of the proper sort of girl who would be a fine match for him. She had seemed genuinely interested in hearing more about what he hoped to do with his life, and believed those dreams were possible.
Of course he loved her.
And though in my opinion she was still too young for marriage, there were others who had married at her age. It wasn't impossible to consider giving her permission to do the same.
"Does my sister know how you feel?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I've said nothing to her, and I won't say anything, ever, if necessary. But I must confess that when I offered to take your family to our home in Britannia, I did have a dream of settling there with Livia eventually becoming my wife, and seeing you and Aurelia together as well."
I chuckled lightly. "It's a good dream, Crispus. I wish I'd be alive to see it happen."
"So the question is, how long you will remain alive." He drew in a deep breath. "When I was in the imperial box, Brutus kept arguing for your arrest. Probus didn't see the point of it. He's afraid of your powers and wants you killed as soon as possible."
"Thanks, Crispus." I cocked my head. "That's really good to hear."
"I'm not saying anything you don't already know," he said. "But you do need to know how serious things are."
"That's been made perfectly clear." Tired of this conversation, I said, "Perhaps you can find me some water?"
He got to his feet. "Will you be here when I get back?"
My answer came with a jangle of my chains, gaining a sheepish nod from him. Once he had left, I leaned forward, resting my head against the fig tree.
If Crispus did remove the armband, how long would it take to gather enough magic to heal my wounds? Hours, probably. After that, with only the Divine Star, it would take all night before I was strong enough to defend myself. Radulf had earned much of his magic by taking it from others. I'd never done that, and thus, my Divine Star was weaker. Still, it was a mistake not to have practiced with what I did have.