He shrugged without answering, but he didn't need to. I already knew. If Crispus let me escape in front of these fifty thousand Romans, embarrassing Brutus and the emperor, he would pay a terrible price. I turned my attention again to the sword.
"Disappear," Crispus said again. "If you use that sword, it will prove to this entire crowd that you are a traitor to Rome. The emperor will have no choice but to order your death."
"And what are his orders if I don't use the sword?"
"Maybe there is another way." Crispus addressed the emperor with another bow. "Look carefully," he said, loud enough to be heard in the imperial box. "The amulets you seek are no longer on his wrist or around his neck. Nicolas Calva has no value to the empire."
"This is a great idea," I muttered. "Convince the emperor to kill me. Can I at least use the sword first?"
Brutus hadn't seemed to notice the Malice and bulla were missing. Now he leaned over the emperor's balcony to study me more closely, his face reddening as he realized Crispus had spoken the truth.
"Where are they?" he shouted. "What have you done with them?"
"They're gone," I said. "Out of your reach." Which was only true in the sense that Livia and Aurelia were currently physically out of reach of Brutus's arm length.
"If there is any way to retrieve the amulets, you will find that out only if you allow Nic to live," Crispus said.
"Do not encourage him to find those amulets," I hissed. "Let them remain in hiding."
Crispus looked at me and then his eyes widened as he realized what I must have done with them. "How else can I save you?" He nearly mouthed the words, but I understood his meaning.
"You cannot." I felt the full weight of my words, and the consequences that seemed inevitable now. "Leave this arena, please. I can't shield us both." By now I probably couldn't even shield myself.
Crispus licked his lips, then started to back away. Not as far as I wanted, though, and he wasn't leaving the arena as he should have.
"I'm giving you your life back," I said to Crispus. "Go away!"
"I'm your friend," Crispus said. "I'll stay with you." He had no idea what his mother had asked of me.
Brutus was furious beyond reason. "Kill the slave boy! Send in the lions to rip his flesh, and that of his friend!"
I raised the sword higher, my eyes focused squarely on Brutus. He stared back at me, smug in his belief that I wouldn't do it. But I had good reason now. With Crispus in the arena, I had to protect his life before Brutus released those lions. I would carry no guilt away with me.
The instant the sword struck, I'd try to at least shield Crispus before the arrows flew. It was beyond foolish, but that was my plan. Brutus could duck, run, or try to protect himself. None of it would work. All I needed was a simple rotation of my hands.
Except that someone else caught my eye. Directly behind the emperor's box were the seats reserved for the vestals of Rome. All six women were there now, of varying age, and all of them dressed in the same white robes. But one woman was standing. It was the vestalis who had allowed Aurelia and me to take sanctuary in Caesar's temple, and the one who had helped me find the rock for the Jupiter Stone outside Diana's temple.
She was staring intently at me, her face etched with sadness and concern. The sword was in my control, and I was finally ready to use it. But under the stern gaze of the vestalis, I began to have doubts again. My hands had been raised, but now I lowered them for good, and the sword lowered too. She shook her head at me, a clear warning not to carry out my plans.
My heart pounded, and I was vaguely aware of Crispus moving toward me again, although I didn't hear anything he was saying.
"You're wrong!" I wanted to yell at her. Maybe she didn't know how evil Brutus was and how terrible things would get if I abandoned this plan. I wanted to believe that if I explained everything to her, I would make her understand why I was right, why killing Brutus was necessary.
But I'd never shout at someone like her, in anger or for any other reason. And I'd be a fool to believe I could ever be right and she wrong. But that didn't mean I had to be happy about the consequences of her being right.
The vestalis shook her head again, and I felt the magic fade from within me. The sword dropped back to the
sand, as useless now as a limp reed. I would not kill Brutus. I would not end this war. And I probably would not live long enough to regret either of those decisions.
"Listen carefully," I quietly said to Crispus. "Please get Livia and Aurelia safely to Britannia. They must bring the amulets with them and hide them there, burying them so deep they will never again be found. They cannot remain here in the empire."
"Disappear!" Crispus hissed. "You must leave or they will take you."
I glanced back at the vestalis, who had continued staring intently at me. I sighed, hoping I had not misread her thoughts. "Even if I could, that's not what I'm supposed to do."
Crispus cursed under his breath, then stepped forward again. "Emperor Probus, you have seen for yourself only the smallest part of Nicolas Calva's powers. If he had wanted to bring harm to Rome, he could've done it. But he has only added to the entertainment at these games. Reward him with his freedom."
Brutus leaned over and said something to the emperor that I could not hear. Probus shook his head, then gave a reply that Brutus clearly disliked. Finally, Probus waved his hand, gesturing that his decision was final.