“I’m sorry,” Nellie said, sniffing and moving away. “It’s just that I can see things more clearly than you can because I’ve lived through the same problems. Years ago I was in the same situation with my husband.”
“I don’t understand. Your husband isn’t younger than you are.”
At that Nellie laughed. “No, dear, Jace isn’t younger than I am. But age, in my case and in yours, means nothing, absolutely nothing. You see, you’re afraid of what other people will think. I’ve learned in life that if you give people power over you, they will misuse it.”
She put her hand on Jackie’s. “A true friend is one who wants what is best for you, not for him or for her.”
Nellie took both of Jackie’s hands in her own. “Years ago Jace wanted to marry me, but I said I couldn’t because other people—people I thought loved me—said I shouldn’t marry him. They said their only concern was for me. It took me a long time—almost too long—to realize that they were thinking only of themselves and not of Jace or me. People can be very selfish creatures.”
“I…I hadn’t thought of that.”
“No, you’ve thought only of doing what everyone else does. Most women marry a man about five years older than they are, then live their lives exactly as they’ve been told to. Tell me one thing, Jackie. Do you love William?”
“Yes.” Her heart could be heard in that one word.
“Then what else is there?”
Jackie just looked at her, not having an answer.
“My dear, you don’t seem to realize that all there is in life is love. That’s all there is. Money doesn’t matter, what you own doesn’t matter, how old you are, who your friends are, what you accomplish in life, means nothing. The only thing worth anything is love. Love is what makes our time on earth worth something. And you know something else? Love, true love, is rare. It doesn’t happen very often. Most people spend their lives searching for it and never find it.”
She paused, but her eyes were intense. “Tell me, Jackie, if you looked at the ground here and saw a big diamond sticking out, what would you do?”
“I would pick it up,” Jackie said softly.
“What if the diamond were perfect except that it had a tiny flaw, a crack say, along one edge, would you throw the whole diamond away because of this one flaw?”
There were tears coming to Jackie’s eyes. “No, I’d keep it, flaws and all.”
“My son is perfect, but to your eyes he has a flaw: I gave birth to him ten years after your mother gave birth to you. Are you going to throw away my son because of my error?”
Jackie was crying harder now. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I don’t know what to do.”
After a moment, Nellie stood up and started to walk away, meaning to leave Jackie with her head on her upraised knees, but Nellie turned back. “Are you coming down with me?”
Jackie gave Nellie a crooked smile. “How many of the people of Chandler are down there waiting for me?”
“A few,” Nellie said, smiling.
Which, of course, meant half of Chandler. “Is William there?”
Nellie’s face was serious. “No, he’s not. He said you’d know where he was.”
That statement made Jackie’s heart sink. No doubt William was waiting for her in some place she was supposed to remember. She hadn’t seen it in twenty years, but she was supposed to remember it. “I’ll be down in a moment,” she said. “I want to do something with my face.” And give myself more time to think, she thought.
“Ten minutes,” Nellie said. “But no more. People are worried about you.”
“Yes, of course,” Jackie answered, both of them knowing that she still hadn’t made a decision.
The moment Nellie was out of sight, Jackie went to the plane, climbed onto the wing and looked inside the cockpit for the little metal box she carried inside. She almost always had cosmetics with her in case she unexpectedly flew into the press. And now, if she was going to have to face the citizenry of Chandler, it would be better if her face wasn’t marked with tears.
She found the box and as she was rummaging inside looking for a lipstick buried under three maps and a compass, she saw a large white envelope on the bottom. For a moment her hands as well as her heart seemed to stop beating, for she knew very well what she was seeing.
Slowly she pulled the envelope out and opened it. Inside was the invitation to participate in the Taggie. She had received it the day of Charley’s funeral, and it had changed her life. Three days before, she had awakened not to Charley’s horrendous snores but to an unnatural silence. Charley was not asleep beside her; he was dead. He had died of a massive heart attack quietly and peacefully in his sleep, with what looked to be a half smile on his lips.
For days after his death Jackie hadn’t been able to think, but as people Charley had known, people who had loved him, gathered to say good-bye, everyone
seemed to assume Jackie would continue doing what she had always done. They assumed she’d keep flying higher and longer and faster.