“What was that?” Tubs asked. “Are you hiding someone in there?”
Elliot smiled. “Like who? A beautiful young woman disguised as a hag who’s just waiting to curse you?”
Tubs paused. “Uh, maybe. Now move!”
“You can’t have this stall, Tubs.”
Tubs darted to Elliot and grabbed his arms, lifting Elliot off the ground. “Ever been flushed down a toilet, Penster?”
Elliot never had. And it didn’t sound fun. He kicked and squirmed, but Tubs kept a tight hold on him as he carried Elliot to the other stall.
“What the—” Tubs said.
Elliot looked down. Tubs’s pants had fallen down around his ankles. Tubs set Elliot down and pulled his pants up again. They fell again, almost as if someone yanked them down. His underwear had little red hearts on it. Elliot had to bite his tongue hard to keep from giggling. Tubs pulled his pants up, this time keeping his hands on them to hold them in place.
“Tell you what,” Tubs said. “If you don’t tell anyone about my pants, I won’t tell them you’re hiding someone in here.”
“Deal.” Elliot nearly laughed as Tubs ran out of the bathroom. He opened the stall and smiled down at Mr. Willimaker. “Thanks for that.”
Mr. Willimaker bowed his head. “My pleasure. Now, what shall we do with Agatha?”
Elliot scratched his chin. “Why don’t you come home with me for a few days, Agatha? I’m sure my parents will let you stay, and you can keep my Uncle Rufus company.”
Agatha stood. “Okay, but I still may have to curse you again.”
That didn’t matter to Elliot. The way he figured, ever since he met the Brownies, he’d already been cursed.
Dear Reader: May I suggest that before you become too interested in whether Elliot survives the next Goblin attack, that you close this book now. Remember that chapter 15 is coming up next, and that is the very chapter in which several readers lost valuable body parts. It probably won’t happen to you, but it might, and many readers who went on to read chapter 15 later regretted it.
Take the example of Libby Frackenflower, a very smart and talented fifth grader who was the captain of her baseball team. She didn’t heed this warning. Having decided that if she could outlast the meanest teacher in fourth grade, Mrs. Pinchey, then she could certainly survive a chapter of this book.
Sadly, both of Libby’s arms fell off about three paragraphs before the end of chapter 15. Now, do not worry for Libby Frackenflower. She has become very good at swinging a baseball bat with her teeth and catching the ball with her belly button, but we feel certain that if she could go back and un-read chapter 15, she would.
You may be laughing at Libby, which isn’t polite. But if you can’t help it, then please don’t laugh while drinking hot cocoa, or else you might giggle the marshmallows right out of your nose.
Dear Reader, please stop now. Because the start of chapter 15 is going to be so good that you’ll find you’ve reached the end before you know it. And for some of you, it will be too late.
The good news was that Elliot’s family had warmly welcomed Agatha the hag into their home. (If you want to call her Hagatha, that’s fine. Elliot already thought of it too, even though he didn’t dare say it. Don’t call her Nagatha or Ragatha, though—no matter how grumpy she is or what her clothes look like—because that’s just rude. You can also call her Betsy, but don’t expect her to answer, because that’s not her name.)
Elliot introduced her as honestly as he could. He told his family that she was a lost wo
man he met in town who just needed somewhere to stay for a few days.
“She has nothing,” Elliot told his parents. “I just feel like we need to help her.”
Elliot’s father put his arm around Elliot’s shoulder. “I agree. We have almost nothing, and that’s way better than plain old nothing. So, yes, we have to help her.”
“We always have room for one more,” Elliot’s mother said. “She can stay in Wendy’s room.”
Wendy’s eyes had widened in fear, and a little vein popped out in her forehead, but she wisely said nothing. Elliot hoped her silence would spare her from being cursed. It didn’t.
Cursing was the bad news. Reed had dropped his peanut-butter-and-pickle-relish sandwich when she first entered the kitchen, mumbling something about the walking dead. Agatha pointed a spindly finger at Reed and said, “I am a hag. These looks are for show. I curse you with pain when you stuff a crow.”
“What was that?” Reed asked. “You want me to stuff a crow?”
“I think she means ‘stub a toe,’” Elliot said. “Right, Agatha?”
Reed nodded, a bit confused. “Oh, okay. I didn’t know where I was going to find a crow.” As he walked past Agatha, she suddenly raised a leg up and then stomped on Reed’s foot.