“Yeah,” I whisper. He parks in the driveway behind my mother’s newer Audi that I bought for her a couple years ago. She, of course, argued, but eventually gave in since her car needed to be fixed and I refused to pay for it. Allowing me to purchase her a car was the only way she could get to work and home every day since the bus service stops before her shift at the diner ends—or I guess did end, since the diner is now shut down.
We get out of the car and head up the sidewalk. Not sure of the condition my mother’s in, I stop Jase and say, “Would you mind waiting out here?” I point to the table and chairs. “I just don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable if she’s not dressed,” I add.
Jase nods his understanding. “Sure, I’ll be right here.”
“Thank you.” I give him a chaste kiss, then step up the three small steps and take a deep breath, nervous of what I’ll find in there. The door is unlocked, like always, so I walk right in. Everything is the way it was when I left eleven years ago. From the shit-colored brown couch, to the cheap pressboard cabinets my mother painted an ugly mustard yellow. She purchased this trailer when she found out she was pregnant with me. Snake helped her find the place and even paid for it. It’s why she won’t leave. She’s afraid if she moves, he won’t be able to find her.
“Mom,” I call out to let her know I’m here.
“In my room,” she croaks. I enter her room and find her lying in bed with her sheets pulled up to her chin. The room is pitch black, save for a tiny sliver of light seeping in through the slats of the blinds. I can’t assess her features. It’s too dark. Flipping the switch, a soft yellow glow lights up the room, but my mom doesn’t open her eyes. Her hair is still the same color, but now there’s gray mixed in. Her face is free of all makeup, and tiny crow’s feet have been added to the corners of her eyes and mouth. But, despite all that—and the years she’s spent smoking and drinking—my mom is still beautiful.
“Mom,” I say again, and this time her eyes open.
“Celeste,” she whispers. “You’re here.” She sits up and smiles sadly. I’m not sure what to do or say, until she opens her arms wide, and then I cut across the tiny room and fill them. I hug her tight, ignoring the smell of cigarettes that bleeds from her pores. “Oh, pretty girl,” she murmurs, “I’ve missed you so much.” I’m too choked up to speak, so I just nod my head into her hair in agreement.
We hug for I don’t know how long, and only separate when the sound of my phone ringing breaks through the silence. I pull it out of my purse. It’s Duncan. Not wanting to answer the call in front of my mom, I press the button on the side to silence the call, then drop it back into my purse.
“I’m so sorry I stayed away for so long. I should’ve come home to visit.”
“No, don’t you dare apologize,” she says. “You did it. You became everything I knew you would be.” Tears fill her eyes, and when she blinks, they fall. “Please don’t tell me Victoria called you.”
“She did, and of course I came, Mom. Alcohol poisoning, dehydration.” I don’t bother to mention the fact that she’s spending her days at the diner. It’s pointless. If after almost thirty years she’s still refusing to give up waiting for Snake, she’s not going to now. I need to find out what the PI found out first.
“It’s the anniversary of the day he told me he loved me.” She sniffles. “The day he left.”
“Oh, Mom.” I pull her into my arms again. “I’m so sorry.” I almost tell her I’m going to have answers soon, but stop myself.
There’s a soft knock on the front door, and I remember Jase is waiting outside. “My boyfriend came with me,” I tell my mom. “If you’re not up for company, we can leave. We’re in town for a few days. Maybe we can go to dinner or something.”
My mom smiles. “I would love to meet him. Chad, right?”
I clear my throat. “Actually, Chad and I broke up. His name is Jase.”
“How about tomorrow? We can do lunch,” she suggests. “It will give me time to get myself together.”
“Okay. I’ll call you and let you know the name of the place. Do you need anything? I can run to the store for you.”
“No, pretty girl, I’m okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. “I love you, Celeste.”
“I love you too, Mom.”