There was only emptiness in her voice. I f**king hated it. I preferred her tears. Or even her screaming. But not this. It was like she was shutting down and shutting everyone else out. I wasn’t leaving. She wasn’t pushing me away.
“I wanted to keep you from being hurt by the Falcos. So I had your aunt check the mail daily and send me all the letters you sent them. I have them all if you want them. I did keep the photos, though. I want them, if that’s okay. It was how I watched Micah grow. But the letters, you can take those to Tabby. I have them in the car.”
She’d taken the letters because she was punishing us for my brother’s cheating. How fu**ed up was that? My parents lost their son. Then they found out he had gotten Kimmy pregnant, and she’d had an abortion the day after his funeral. It had spread through town like wildfire. A year later Kimmy moved away with a guy and had never returned to Sea Breeze.
Not having to see her had helped. When I saw her face, all I saw was the girl who’d killed my brother’s kid. I hated her. I couldn’t forgive her. I didn’t even want to. She disgusted me.
“Go. Both of you, go. Leave the letters on the porch. I’m not ready for this. Maybe one day I can find a way to forgive you, Mother, but today is not that day.”
She didn’t look at either of us. Her eyes were still unfocused as she stared off at nothing. “Give me an hour, then please bring Micah home. But I need you to go.”
She was talking to me. She wanted me gone.
Fuck no. She wasn’t pushing me away.
“I’m not leaving you,” I told her.
She sighed, then finally turned to look at me. “Did you know?”
I wanted to lie. I wanted to lie so damn bad.
“Yes.” I admitted the truth because I refused to lie to her.
“Then you need to go. I want you to go.”
“Sienna, I had my reasons. I was protecting you—”
“I don’t care. I want you to go. Leave me. Both of you.”
Then she turned and walked away, locking herself in her bedroom.
I stood there staring at her door, wanting nothing more than to pull it off his damn hinges and make her let me hold her. Explain to her what I was doing. Why I did it.
“She needs time. Don’t do anything stupid. You never were as stupid as your brother. You were the smart one. Don’t let her down, like we did.” Then Nina Roy turned and walked away.
I stood in that living room waiting for sobs, or something to give me an excuse to burst into her room and hold her. There was nothing but silence. She wanted time alone. I would give her that. But this wasn’t over. It was the beginning. She just had to see that.
Six years ago . . .
DEWAYNE
“Slow down, man. You gotta calm the hell down. You can’t kill her. You’ll do life, dude. She’s a kid. A dumbass one, but still, she’s a kid.” Preston’s words were falling on deaf ears. I didn’t give a fuck. If Kimmy Bart had aborted my brother’s baby, I was going to f**king murder her with my own hands.
“Get your ass to the Alpha frat house,” Preston said into the phone. “Dewayne’s going after Kimmy, and word is she’s here. I can’t hold him back.” I knew I had about five minutes before Rock got here. Because if someone was going to stop me, Rock was the only person I knew who had the strength. I had a slut to find.
I’d lost my brother, and Sienna was just f**king gone. Vanished. And now this shit. I had reached my breaking point, and I didn’t give a f**k anymore. Bring on prison. This was all my fault anyway. Fighting with a drunk sixteen-year-old boy had been stupid. He was a kid, and I had threatened him while he was drunk—with the one thing I knew he didn’t want to lose. Sienna.
All of this could have been avoided if I’d just walked out of that house and dealt with him when he was sober. Maybe he had been ready to let Sienna go. If he’d been sober and made that decision, then I’d have let him. If he didn’t know how lucky he was, then he didn’t deserve her. But he didn’t have to die over it. That was all me. Fucking me.
“Kimmy’s slept with most of the basketball team. Hell, I’ve slept with her, I think. That could have been anyone’s kid. We don’t know it was Dustin’s. Just because she was claiming it was his don’t make it his,” Preston said.
I knew this. But I also knew I’d seen my brother f**king her bare. Chances were good that baby had been his. All that was left of my brother, and she’d murdered it. She deserved to die too.
“What if she wasn’t even pregnant? Ever thought of that? She was jealous of Sienna. Dustin wouldn’t break up with her. He loved Sienna. He just wanted to f**k Kimmy. Girls do that shit when they’re desperate. She could have been lying. Don’t do life because of a lying teenage girl.”
I wanted to blame someone, someone other than me, because the pain and regret were too much. If Kimmy had aborted Dustin’s baby, then I could lay all this hate and blame on her. She would deserve it. And I needed to be free of it. I just wanted to take a deep breath again. I wanted to be able to look my parents in the face and not feel like a bastard for being the reason sorrow filled their eyes.
So much pain.
“Where’s Kimmy?” I heard Preston ask some guy who stumbled outside.
“Don’t know,” he slurred.
“Go find her and tell her to hide her sorry ass before Dewayne finds her.”
Preston was determined to stop me any way he could. I’d find her, though. I was running out of time before Rock showed up, but I would find her. If not tonight, another night.
“Shouldn’t have let you drink so much damn whiskey. Always makes you mean,” Preston said, still right beside me. He wasn’t helping. All his yakking.
“Hey, Dewayne, sorry about Dustin, dude,” a guy called out. I didn’t even look at him. His drunken words meant nothing. He didn’t know Dustin. None of them knew the real Dustin. They knew the kid with too much pressure to be the best. The kid trying to find himself. They didn’t know his heart. None of them did.
“Find Kimmy Bart and tell her to f**king run and hide,” Preston called out to him.
Dumbass wasn’t helping.
“I’ll find her. Keep it up. I’ll find her and she’ll pay,” I swore.
“Don’t doubt it. I just hope Rock gets here first,” Preston replied.
I put both hands on the double doors to the frat house and shoved them open, then stalked inside.
Kimmy came walking down the stairs, looking right at me. Her hair was stringy, and her clothes were wrinkled like she’d just pulled them back on quickly. What the f**k had my brother seen in her?
“You looking for me?” she asked, then stumbled a step and giggled before grabbing the rail. She was fu**ed up.
“Save yourself and go hide your stupid ass,” Preston yelled, purposely drawing attention to the situation.
“Not scared of a Falco. You just tame ’em with pussy,” she said, then leered at me. As if I’d even touch that nasty shit.
“Not going anywhere near your nasty snatch,” I said, disgust dripping from my voice.
She snarled at me. “What, not as good as sweet little Sienna Roy? You’re as bad as him. Can’t-do-no-wrong Sienna. Screw that. The bitch sucked at fucking. Dustin hated sex with her. He just did it ’cause she wanted it. But she was awful at it. He came to get the good stuff from me,” Kimmy spat angrily.
“I think I just threw up in my mouth,” Preston said beside me, and several guys laughed.
“Was that baby Dustin’s?” I asked. I didn’t want to hear her talk about Sienna again. She wasn’t worthy of saying Sienna’s name.
She threw up her arms. “He’s the only one I fu**ed bare, and he was the only one I had fu**ed in months. He and I were going to be an item soon. He just had to get rid of Sienna first.”
He was never planning on getting rid of Sienna. He’d killed himself trying to get to her before I could.
“And you killed his baby,” I said, needing to hear her admit it.
She shrugged as if what she had done meant nothing. “I wasn’t gonna have a baby without a man to help me take care of it. I have my life ahead of me.”
That was all I needed to know. I took two steps toward her as the blood roared in my veins. Then arms that could only belong to Rock wrapped around mine and hauled me back against his chest. “Not gonna let you do this,” he said in my ear. “You’re gonna sleep this shit off, and then you’re getting counseling. She’s high as a f**king kite. Do you think she would have stopped that while she was pregnant? I can answer that. No! She wouldn’t have. That baby didn’t stand a chance. It would have been born an addict if it had even been born at all.”
I glared at her. I hated her. I hated everything she stood for. But he was right. She’d have killed the baby one way or another. She was trash. My brother had made mistakes, and a girl willing to meet his every sexual whim had been his downfall.
“Let’s get the f**k outta here,” Preston said.
“You gonna walk out of here, or am I gonna have to haul you out? We can fight right here, but I’m sober and I’m gonna win. I won’t let you throw your life away over revenge. You have your parents to think about. They need you.”
My parents.
I was all they had. Me. The son without the golden halo. The screwup. Me. That was all they had left.
Present Day . . .
SIENNA
Had I always known? I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the wall. Even back then Dustin had been weird when Kimmy was around. And she’d always hated me. I knew she went to the parties he went to. I always thought if they ever did anything, Kimmy would make sure the world knew. But maybe they all knew and no one told me. Because Dustin was their god. They kept his secret.
But why keep it a secret? Why not just break up with me? If he was sleeping with Kimmy and wanted her, then why was he staying with me? Had it always been a friendship between us? Was there ever love between us? Because it certainly wasn’t what I felt for Dewayne.
Dewayne.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the pain started again. He had lied to me. I’d trusted him and he’d lied to me. Did everyone lie? Was that the way life was? I couldn’t trust anyone but myself.
Dewayne had made me happy. He wanted me, but would I be enough for him? I wasn’t enough for his brother. It was possible I wouldn’t be enough for anyone. There had to be something wrong with me.
My parents had walked away from me. They’d betrayed me. Dustin had betrayed me in the worst way. And now Dewayne had kept it from me. I expected it of the others, but what hurt the most was Dewayne not telling me.
I wanted to be more important to him than Dustin was. That was selfish and wrong, but it was true. I wanted to be the most important thing to him, because other than Micah, I had been willing to put Dewayne before everyone else. He hadn’t felt the same. He had protected his brother’s memory. He hadn’t wanted me to know the truth about Dustin.
Not to mention all those letters my mother kept away from the Falcos because of this. She didn’t want me to be another girl Dustin Falco had left knocked up. In a twisted way I understood her logic. But I had made that decision and, unlike Kimmy, I had been Dustin’s girlfriend. Not his secret f**k buddy. It made more sense that I was the one pregnant.
She’d had an abortion. She had aborted Dustin’s baby. Images of Micah as a newborn when they’d placed him in my arms flashed before me, and my heart broke. He’d been so beautiful and perfect. He’d looked just like Dustin. Would Kimmy’s baby have looked like Dustin too?
Did she ever wonder? Did she care? Or was Dustin Falco and every memory of him a part of her past she rarely thought about? I would remember Dustin every day of my life. My son was my reminder. And I was thankful for it. Even if my memories were tainted. Even if I hadn’t been enough for Dustin and he had never really loved me. I had loved him. Maybe not real love, but a pure, young love. And I loved our son. Enough for both of us.
There was a knock on the front door, and I knew Dewayne was here with Micah. I had to pull it together and spend time with Micah until his bedtime. Standing up, I walked to the front door and opened it. Without saying anything, I reached for my son, pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tightly. The feel of his little heart beating was like a balm. He was here. He was my world. I had him. Thanks to Dustin Falco, I had this precious boy.
“I missed you too, Momma,” Micah said as he patted my back with his little hands.
I eased my hold on him and pressed a kiss to his head before standing back up. “Go on inside and clean your room. You left it a mess this morning. We’ll play Monopoly when you’re done,” I told him.