The five-year-old didn’t notice the goofy smile on my face. But I knew it was there. I couldn’t stop thinking about last night and this morning. Dewayne had been everything I’d dreamed about and more. I was ready to give him everything.
“Uncle Dewayne said he would see me in a little bit. Is he coming to play with me today?” Micah asked hopefully. That was a good thing. Micah wanted his uncle around. Dewayne wouldn’t be someone Micah might worry would take me away from him. He fit perfectly into our lives.
“Yes. If he said he’s coming over, then he will be here. You can trust Uncle Dewayne to do what he says he’ll do. He loves you.”
Micah beamed. He liked feeling loved. He’d always had my love, but this extra love was something he soaked up.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Uncle Dewayne before he comes over here,” I told him as we walked into the house.
“About what?”
I led him over to the sofa and pulled him into my lap. “You’re my number one. You know that, right?”
Micah nodded.
“And you love your Uncle Dewayne as much as he loves you.”
Micah nodded again.
“Well, I love your Uncle Dewayne too.” I did? I loved him. I did. Oh wow. I did.
Micah smiled. “Because he’s family.”
Uh-oh. I’d forgotten about that conversation. I had to explain this. “Well, actually, Uncle Dewayne is your dad’s family. Not exactly mine. But he’s yours, so I called him mine too.”
Micah scrunched up his nose. “So we don’t have the same family?”
This is what I get for lying to the kid. I wasn’t ever doing that again. Lesson learned.
“No, we do. . . . It’s just that you’re actually related to Uncle Dewayne. I’m not. He is the brother of your daddy, but he’s not related to me. I wasn’t married to your daddy. We never got a chance to do that. Remember? I explained that to you.”
Micah nodded, but his nose was still scrunched up. “Okay, so can Uncle Dewayne take you on dates, then?”
Sighing in relief, I nodded. “Yes. He can. And he wants to, but we want it to be okay with you.”
Micah grinned and made a whooping sound.
“I take that as a yes.”
He nodded vigorously. “Can he sleep over in my room?”
Oh my.
“Well, he will be here more often. He wants to spend more time with us. But if he sleeps over, your bed isn’t big enough for him. He’s a big guy.”
Micah’s expression got really serious. “We need to get him a big bed so he can sleep over.”
Okay, this was getting way off track. Right now we needed to focus on the topic of Dewayne being around more often. Not having sleepovers.
Micah jumped down, walked over to the door, and looked out. “When is he coming over?”
“As soon as I text him and tell him you’re ready for him.”
Micah turned and ran toward his room. “Text him. I’m getting my football.”
That was way too easy.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly sent Dewayne a text that Micah and his football were waiting on him.
I hadn’t even set my phone down when the front door of the Falcos’ opened up and Dewayne stepped out. He must have been waiting anxiously for that text. He was so big and tough, but the little boy inside him that he never let others see owned me.
“Looks like he’s on his way over,” I called to Micah.
Micah came running around the corner with his football tucked under his arm. “We’re gonna play some ball,” he told me before letting the screen door slam behind him.
I walked over to the door and watched as Micah ran straight for Dewayne and held up the football. The smile on Dewayne’s face as he looked at my son made right everything that had been wrong.
His eyes lifted from Micah and found me, and then he winked before looking back at Micah.
I stood there and watched them toss the ball back and forth. Dewayne showed Micah how to improve his throw, and I watched as Micah worked hard to get it right. I finally let myself accept something I’d been fighting since I was fourteen years old. I had always loved Dewayne. It had always been him. Dustin had been my best friend and I’d been his. But my heart . . . Dewayne had stolen that in front of a locker on my first day of high school.
Six years ago . . .
SIENNA
They hadn’t let me out of my bedroom since my doctor’s visit. I had been throwing up so bad for two mornings in a row that my mother had taken me to the doctor. She’d thought I had a stomach virus.
But we had both been surprised when the doctor informed us that I was pregnant. Not sick. Pregnant.
Mother hadn’t spoken to me the whole way home, and then she’d sent me to my room and ordered me to stay. My dad never once came to see me. Mother showed up with food at my door three times a day. I even had to open the door and ask to go to the bathroom.
I knew they were upset. I was terrified. Dustin was gone, and I had no one I could tell. No one to share this with, and now my parents were shutting me out. That scared me more than anything. The one thing I could be sure of was that this baby was safe. My father was too religious to make me have an abortion. For once I was thankful for his strict beliefs.
But I had questions, and I had no one to ask. My mother refused to speak to me when she brought me my meals. I didn’t have a phone in my room, and no one had stopped by to see me. That wasn’t too surprising. Dustin’s friends had accepted me, but they had never really been my friends.
So I sat here in my window seat and watched the world outside. I watched the people who came and visited the Falcos. People were still bringing them food. It was what we did here in the South. If someone died, you took their family food. I never understood that. I hadn’t been able to eat for days after Dustin’s death. I had cried and slept. That had been all I could manage.
At his funeral, what little strength I had to keep it together was gone the second I saw Dewayne Falco’s shoulders slumped, jerking harshly from crying. I never even imagined that Dewayne could cry. He was so tough and larger than life. But in that moment, seeing him broken, I lost it all over again. I hated seeing him in so much pain. He loved his brother, and Dustin had worshiped Dewayne.
At night whenever I closed my eyes, the image of Dewayne sobbing over his brother’s grave haunted me. I had wanted to hold him even though I knew he wouldn’t welcome it. No one could console him. No one could bring back Dustin.
We had all lost him.
Including the little life inside me.
I touched my stomach reverently, closed my eyes, and dreamed of the child inside. What would he or she look like? I wondered if it would have its father’s smile and charm. If it would grow up a Falco or a Roy. If the Falcos would accept this baby. I knew my parents were upset, but surely Tabby would love this baby.
I opened my eyes just as Dewayne walked across the street toward my house. Quickly I moved back behind the curtains and watched as he stepped up onto my porch. The doorbell rang, and I hurried over to my bedroom door to crack it open so I could hear him. Why was he here? I hadn’t seen him leave his parents’ house much over the past few weeks.
“Hello, Dewayne,” my mother said in a gentler tone than I’d expected. At least she respected the fact that he’d lost his brother. She didn’t have to be angry at him because I was pregnant. I was just glad my dad was at work.
“Is Sienna here?” he asked.
He was here to see me. Someone to talk to. Someone else who was hurting and lost without Dustin. Someone I trusted above anyone else.
“No. She isn’t here any longer. She’s been sent to a . . . facility up North. She had issues dealing with everything, and she wasn’t right emotionally.”
What?
“Oh. Uh, I didn’t realize she’d left. I . . . When is she coming back?”
“I don’t know. Not anytime soon,” my mother replied.
What? Was she serious? I was right here in my bedroom like I had been for a week now. Did she honestly plan to keep me locked up like this? Wasn’t that illegal? I had to see a doctor at some point.
“Is there a number where I can reach her?”
“No. She can’t communicate with anyone here. It upsets her. Talking to you will upset her. She needs time and medication.”
Holy crap! My mother was making me out to be a crazy person.
“Well, when she’s ready to talk to someone again, can you please have her call me? I can leave my number. I’d like to check on her. See if she’s doing well. I don’t want her to think we don’t care. We know she lost him too.”
I got a funny tightening in my chest that only Dewayne Falco managed to inspire. How could someone like Dewayne, with his party-boy ways, be so incredibly sweet? He’d been like that my freshman year. He always seemed to be there when I needed him.
“Sure. I’ll give her your number,” Mother said in a clipped voice. I’d never see Dewayne’s number. She’d burn it first.
“Thanks. Tell her that I came by and that I’m thinking about her.”
“Okay. Thank you, Dewayne. Tell your parents they are in our prayers. You all are.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
I closed my door quietly, then ran back over to my window and watched as Dewayne walked away. I would find a way to see him and talk to him. He’d made the first move, and now it was my turn to make a move. He would love this baby. It was part of Dustin. If my parents wanted to lock me up, he could help me escape. He was older. He would know what to do. I just had to find a way to get to him.
* * *
The next morning before the sun came up, my mother woke me and hurried me out to my father’s station wagon, then handed me a suitcase before she climbed into the passenger seat. My father was already in the driver’s seat. I looked over at him, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even turn to look at me.
“Where are we going?” I asked, almost afraid she was about to make good on that story she’d told Dewayne. I wasn’t crazy. Surely they couldn’t get doctors to keep me if I was perfectly sane.
“Your aunt Cathy’s. She’s agreed to take you in until you’ve had the baby.”
That was the last thing my mother said to me. We rode in silence the eleven hours it took to drive to Fort Worth, Texas. My father never once acknowledged my existence. When we arrived, they unloaded me and handed me my suitcase. Spoke in whispered voices with my aunt Cathy, who I had never met before, then drove away without a good-bye.
Present day . . .
DEWAYNE
Micah lay sprawled out over me, fast asleep while Darth Vader kicked ass and took names on the television. The original plan had been to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. But then Micah said his mother liked Captain Jack and that we had to wait on her to start the movie.
Hell no was Sienna going to sit here and look at Johnny Fucking Depp. I had ejected that DVD really damn fast and stuck in one of the Star Wars discs. I didn’t even care which one it was. Just so Sienna wasn’t thinking about some other man.
Sienna walked into the room with that silky little wrap around her and her hair in damp curls, her face scrubbed free of makeup. “Is he asleep?” she asked, moving toward us.
“Yeah,” I said, wondering if she had anything on under that wrap.
“Let’s get him into bed,” she said, bending down to scoop him up.
“I got him,” I told her.
“Okay.” She stepped back and let me stand up with him, and then she led the way back to his room and pulled his covers back so I could tuck him in. Tonight we’d made sure he was bathed and in his pajamas before movie time.
She bent down and kissed his little cheek.
“Love you, Momma,” he muttered with his eyes closed.
“Love you more,” she replied.
When she turned to leave the room, I bent down and ruffled his hair. He was such a little thing. So much like his daddy at that age.
“Love you, Uncle Dewayne,” he said in that same little groggy voice.
My throat closed up, and I had to swallow hard to loosen it up before I could speak. “Love you, kiddo,” I told him.
He pulled the covers under his chin and snuggled deeper into his bed.
This moment was all because of Sienna. She’d made this possible.
I f**king loved her. Not just because she’d given me this kid to help heal what I’d lost, but because she’d stolen a piece of my soul with those big eyes and that sweet smile when she was fourteen. I’d wanted to be close to her and keep her safe. I hadn’t exactly known why then, I’d just known I wanted her happy. It was important to me.
But I knew why now. She was special. The kind of special that is hard to find in this life. The kind of special most people don’t get to touch. It’s the rare kind that, when you find it, you know it’s worth fighting for.