He stepped closer to her. ‘What?’
‘It’s irrelevant. You know what that means, don’t you, Cruz?’
Unfortunately he ignored her blatant dig. Blast him.
‘Try me.’
‘No.’ She moved away from him and fossicked with Delta’s feed bucket. ‘I’ve discovered that I do have some pride after all, so...no.’
Cruz grabbed the feed bucket and took it out of her numb fingers. Aspen accidentally took a deep breath and it was all him. When he took her hands she closed her eyes to try and ward off how good it felt to have him touch her. She swallowed. Yanked her hands out of his.
‘I’m going to finish my vet course and take an internship somewhere, start over,’ she said quickly.
Not taking the hint that she didn’t want him to touch her, he slid his hand beneath her chin and raised her eyes to his. ‘Start over with me?’
Aspen jerked back. ‘I didn’t know you were looking for a new vet?’
‘I don’t mean professionally and you know it,’ he growled. Then his voice softened. ‘I’ve missed you, mi gatita. I love you.’
‘I—’
‘You don’t believe me?’ He blew out a breath. ‘Kind of ironic that a week ago it was me who didn’t believe you, wouldn’t you say?’
Aspen’s chest felt tight. ‘No. I wouldn’t.’ Nothing seemed ironic to her right now. More like tragic.
Cruz pushed a hand through his hair and Aspen wished he was a thousand miles away. So much easier to deny her feelings when he wasn’t actually right beside her.
‘I know you’re angry, Aspen, and I don’t blame you. I thought I knew about human nature. I thought I had it all covered. But you showed me I was wrong. After your grandfather kicked me out I vowed never to need anyone again. I saw money as the way to ensure that I was never expendable. I was wrong. I understand why you didn’t want me to give you The Farm now, and if you want we’ll consider it a loan. You can pay me back.’
Aspen felt a spurt of hope at his words. But that didn’t change their fundamental natures. She couldn’t afford to be in love with him. She’d become needy for his affection and he’d do it again. At some point he wouldn’t listen to her and they’d be right back where they started. Better to save herself that pain now.
‘I can’t.’
‘I know you were hurt, Aspen. By your grandfather’s expectations, by the lucky-to-still-be-breathing Anderson. Me. But I promise if you give me a chance I won’t hurt you again.’
Aspen shook her head sadly. ‘You will.’ Her cheeks were damp and Cruz brushed his thumbs over the tears she hadn’t even known she was shedding. ‘You won’t mean to, because I know deep down you’re kind-hearted, but—’ She stopped. Recalled what she had said to Delta. He would take care of her. But could she trust his love? Could she trust him to listen to her in the future? Could she trust that she wouldn’t get lost in trying to please him? ‘I’m not great in relationships.’
‘Then we really are perfect for each other because I’m hopeless. Or at least I was. You make me want to change all that. You make me feel human, Aspen. You make me want to embrace life again.’
Aspen’s nose started tingling as she held back more useless tears.
‘I know you’re scared, chiquita. I was too.’
‘Was?’ She glanced at him.
Cruz leaned towards her and kissed her softly. ‘Was.’ He gave a half smile and reached inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small red velour pouch. ‘You asked me last week what I would get you for your birthday and I had no idea. It took me a while, but finally I realised that I was imposing my way of fixing things over yours.’
Aspen gazed at the small pouch he’d placed in her hand.
‘One of my flaws is that I see something wrong and I want to fix it. My instinct is to take care of those around me. The only way I knew how to do that without getting hurt was to remain emotionally detached from everything. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t do that with you. You fill me up, Aspen and you make me feel so damned much. You make me want so much. No one else has ever come close.’
Aspen’s mouth went dry as she felt the hard piece of jewellery inside the pouch. She’d guessed what it was already and she honestly didn’t know what her response should be. She wanted to be with Cruz more than anything else in the world but the ring felt big. Huge, in fact. Oh, no doubt it would be beautiful, but it wouldn’t be her. It wouldn’t be something she would ever feel comfortable wearing—especially with her job—and it was just one more sign that they could never make a proper relationship work.