As I was saying...Mt. Olympus is, in a word, magical, and the few ancient books that describe it do not do the place justice at all...on purpose.
Everything written about it is a lie, and all of it done at the gods' behest.
To this day, Mt. Olympus remains one of the Greek pantheon's most closely guarded secrets, and the fact that I'm now actually stepping foot on its hallowed grounds is both incredibly humbling and mind-blowingly exciting.
This should've been one of the best days in my life, and it could've been...if not for the fact that I also happen to be here because I'm being sued.
Le sigh.
Welcome to another day in the life of this not-so-newbie goddess, and now that we're all caught up once again...
Chapter One
Three judges and a goddess walked inside a tavern...
And if you're thinking that's the beginning of a joke, I kinda wish you were right.
But you're not.
That scene is for real, since the goddess is me, and the three judges happened to be Hadrian's trio of most trusted vassals.
Turquoise-eyed Aeacus was a blunt-speaking soldier born to one of Aegina's most ancient families. Rhadamanthus and his cynical older brother Minos, on the other hand, both hailed from Crete, and the latter was often mistaken for his like-named grandfather monarch, whose wife had infamously given birth to the Minotaur.
As a collective whole I simply like to think of them as Hadrian's ARM, and while books on Greek mythology often referred to the three as the Underworld's three powerful judges...
Right now the ARM had been reduced into glorified bodyguards, thanks to having an overprotective lord and liege.
And I felt for them, really.
They didn't deserve to play babysitter to my ass, which was why...
"I'm sure you guys have better things to do," I told them with a cajoling smile. "So how about—-"
Minos shook his head. "No."
"But you don't even know—-"
Rhadamanthus gave me a rather benign smile. "No."
"But—-"
"We have been given our orders," Aeacus said simply, "and we shall abide by it."
"What about my orders?" I grumbled.
It was Minos' turn to give me his version of a benign smile. "Now, now, milady."
"We must be adults about this," Aeacus chided.
Rhadamanthus pulled a chair out. "Why not take a seat while waiting for Lord Hades—-"
I lifted my chin up. "Thank you for the offer, but no. I would really rather—-"
Minos cut me off, asking politely, "What would you like to drink, milady?"
"Will you please listen to me? I'm the one being sued—-"
"I hear the poison ivy lemonade is supposed to be good here."
"I should be there with Hadri—-" I paused. "Did you just say poison ivy?"
And as if that wasn't distraction enough, Minos also waved for one of the tavern's servers, and a robed boy in his late teens came hurrying to our table.
"Milords, milady." The boy bowed so low his head nearly touched the ground.
"Your name, boy?" Minos asked.
"Spiro, milord."
"Well, Spiro..." Minos turned towards me with an unusually deferential expression. "This is the Lady of the Underworld."
A starstruck expression crossed the boy's features. "Milady, it would be my greatest honor to be of service—-"
"It would've been an honor," Minos acknowledged, "but sadly, milady appears dissatisfied with your place of business—-"
I turned to him in shock, sputtering in horror. "I said no such—-"
All three immortal judges-turned-bodyguards gestured to the table simultaneously, and it was at that moment I realized I had been defeated.
I grudgingly took the chair Rhadamanthus had pulled out while Minos flashed a smile of courteous apology at the boy's direction. "It appears I have been mistaken." After a few more charmingly chosen words, Minos was able to send young Spiros away with his spirits restored, and when the ARM finally turned to face me—-
The three men simultaneously started smirking, and I could only glower and glare. "Hilarious, guys. Absolutely hilarious."
"You cannot say we haven't ever warned you, milady," Aecus pointed out.
"Oh, puh-leez." Ever since I officially took the throne as LOTUS, these three had been on my back about my so-called bleeding heart. They were worried about how I could be taken advantage of because of it, and no matter how many times I told them I could be excessively mean if my position as Queen demanded it, the ARM simply refused to be convinced.
I crossed my arms over my chest and shot the ARM my fiercest-looking scowl. "Let's be clear with one thing. I only agreed to sit down because it was the right thing to do. Spiros had done nothing wrong, and it would be unfair if I let him think otherwise."
Minos cocked his head to the side. "Aeacus, Rhadamanthus - do you not think milady's words sound very much like the beating of a bleeding heart?"
Grrr!
"Stop messing with me," I growled, "or I'm warning you. Once I've reached my limits, I..."
The three looked at me expectantly.
"I...I am not someone you want to see angry!"