Maddie was pregnant?
Tears blinded my vision as her sobs made their way straight to my heart. Her words kept ringing through my ears.
I looked at Maddie so heartbroken, and my heart ached for her. I couldn’t imagine losing my little princess. It would break me beyond repair.
Just then, she gave a little kick, and my hand rubbed over the bump.
“He shot me…he freaking shot me…and killed my baby. How could he do that, Ayla? Why?” Maddie wailed.
I stepped closer, trying to kneel down beside Maddie. It was hard, but I eventually settled down beside her. My arms went around her shoulders, pulling her shaking body to mine.
Maddie buried her face in my neck, her tears an endless flow. “He killed…my…baby.”
I knew what Artur had done, but I didn’t know the extent of the damage. He killed his own baby. Their baby.
My arms tightened around Maddie as we cried. She cried for her loss while I held her. Her pain seeped into my pores as if I was feeling it for myself.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
They were the only words I had for her. What could I say? Her loss wasn’t something that could be fixed with mere words.
“I didn’t know,” I continued. Princess continued to kick, rolling around in my stomach, and suddenly I felt sick.
Maddie had to watch me every day. She had to look at my baby bump and be reminded of her loss. How did she survive?
How did she not hate me?
I was the living reminder of what she could have had.
Maddie’s hand moved to my stomach, her touch feather-light.
“Right now, he would have still been too small for me to feel him move.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”
There was another small kick from Princess as Maddie caressed the bump. “Now, I will never feel my baby kick,” she whispered through her tears. “I will never get a chance to hold him.” Maddie continued to cry. She kept cradling the baby bump, almost protectively.
I always wondered why Maddie loved holding my stomach so much. Sometimes she laid down beside me and left her hand over my baby bump for hours until I fell asleep.
She always found a chance to touch my stomach and feel the baby move.
Now I understood why she did it.
I laid my hand over hers, both of us holding Princess. “They would have grown up together,” I whispered.
Maddie nodded. “They would have. In a perfect world, I can see them playing together. Fighting. Laughing. But always loving each other. Maybe even a wedding later on.”
My chin wobbled with the effort to hold my tears in. I had to be strong…for Maddie.
“They would have been inseparable,” she continued.
“Maddie,” I soothed.
We stayed silent for a few minutes, both of us lost in the perfect world we imagined.
“I can’t have kids anymore.”
My eyes snapped open at her words. My heart may have stopped beating for a second, and then it drummed against my ribcage harder than before.
“What?” I sputtered.
“From my cancer, it was almost impossible for me have kids. I gave up hope a long time ago. But then it happened. I was pregnant, and I was so happy, Ayla. So damn happy. It was a miracle. I was going to have a baby,” she broke off at the end.
A loud sob wracked her body. “Then he was taken away from me. Ripped away from me. And then I found out I can’t have kids anymore. The bullet damaged my womb. I can’t ever…carry…a baby again.”
“No,” I said, completely horrified.
Maddie nodded. “My ability to have a baby was taken away from me before. I was given one chance, and that too was ripped away from me.”
Her tears soaked my neck and dress. My own tears left a wet trail down my cheeks.
How did Maddie hold all of that in for so long?
My heart was hurting for her.
“You know, Ayla, since I lost him, I’ve wondered…why me? Why did I have to lose my baby?”
I stayed silent, but my hands never stopped caressing her back, soothing her with my touch when my words failed me.
Maddie pulled her face away from my neck and stared at me. I swiped her tears away and she squeezed her eyes shut. “It was meant to be. I see it as a sacrifice. It’s the only way I can get over this. It sounds weird when I say it out loud.” She chuckled drily. “In losing my baby, we gained you back.”
The words slammed right into me, and I stared at her with wide eyes. “So it was meant to be. I want to believe that I had a hand in saving you. If I didn’t catch Artur that day, then maybe we would have never found you. If it all hadn’t taken place, maybe you wouldn’t be here with us right now. That’s how I see it,” she continued when I stayed silent. “It was a sacrifice to get you back, and I will never regret it.”