Stare at his shirt. Don’t look up past the buttons. Don’t lift your eyes above his collar. Keep your chin down and push him away. Say you don’t want him. You’re going to rip his heart out soon. The longer this goes on, the worse it will be for him—the worse it will be for you. But I can’t ignore the magnetic pull toward him. I’m close to shaking, trying to stay there without moving, without touching him. As my head tips back and I catch his eye, Nate slips his hand along the side of my face and around the back of my neck. His dark lashes lower and his eyes dip between my lips and my eyes.
“Kiss me, Kerry.”
“We shouldn’t.”
“Kiss me,” his voice is a whisper, but the way he says it feels like a command. He lingers there, so close to me, his lips parted, breathing so close I can feel the heat of his breath on my skin.
Heart hammering, I lean in closer and feel my eyelashes lower. It’s just a kiss. It won’t turn into more. I can say no. I can walk away. The thing is, I don’t want to walk away from him. I don’t want to leave him, and that’s the problem. Thoughts of his slick body tangled beneath mine flash behind my eyes. I want him too much. I can already taste his kiss and feel his hands cupping me, holding me, and pressing inside of me.
Nate doesn’t move. He won’t start it. Every time he tells me to kiss him I do. He’ll wait patiently for me to make the first move. I tuck my chin, press my lips together, and inhale deeply, releasing the breath slowly. It forces my breasts to crush against his chest, and I nearly choke.
I’m about to tell him no, that this can’t be, but I don’t get the chance. His hands are in my hair, and he cups my face, tipping my head back, and treating me to his warm, delicious mouth on mine. His tongue sweeps past the seam of my lips. He kisses me slowly, deeply, taking his time. When he slows, he holds my cheeks and stays there, a whisper away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“To kiss me?”
He smiles, releases me, and steps back. “No, I meant to do that. I just didn’t want to pressure you.” He watches me closely, his blue gaze sinking into mine. “Why do you shy away from slower kisses?”
His question startles me. “What? I do not.”
“Yes, you do. You fuck fast and hard. You kiss fast and hard, too. It’s almost like—” He stops talking and presses his mouth shut, shaking his head.
“Like what?”
The corners of his mouth twitch like he can’t decide if he should smile or not. Those dimples flash and disappear over and over again. “Like it’s a defense mechanism. If we keep things fast and fun, there’s nothing to worry about. No one gets hurt.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. If that’s the only way I can have you, I’ll take it. But...”
“But what?”
He hesitates then drifts closer to me, whispering in my ear, “But if there were more, if you'd allow me, I’d learn every inch of your body and each curve of your face. I want to taste you, I want to lick you, and I want you to lie back and let me be with you—no walls, no running. Just you and me.”
My chest rapidly rises and falls as he speaks. It feels like he has me by my neck while I’m dangling over a canyon. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
“My walls haven’t been up with you,” I protest.
“They’re not totally down either, though. Aren't you curious? Don’t you wonder what it would be like if they were?”
I stiffen, thinking about it. It would be wonderful and exhilarating. It’s insane and reckless—like tossing the condom. He wants to taste me, to do things we haven’t done yet. I’ve not made love to him, and it sounds like that’s what he wants. We fucked, we played hard, we had fun, but now he wants more.
Part of me wants to take it and run. Is it possible to be with him like that, knowing it will all be over in a few short days? Forever isn’t real. Matt taught me that. Mom cemented the concept in my mind. All we have is today, right now. So, why not? Giving my body to him will be easy. It’s my heart that’s having issues. But that’s what he’s asking for—me, totally pliant, unguarded.
When I fail to answer, Nate’s expression darkens. “When you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He turns and walks away, leaving me behind with a gaping mouth.
CHAPTER 4
Did he seriously just say that? I want to fight with him, but I shouldn’t walk away from the painting. Hastily, I pack up my stuff and leave the canvas out on the easel to dry. I drag my palm over the light switches and the room floods with darkness. I pull the door shut and stride down the hallway to Nate’s office, planning on getting up in his face. I have a million things to say. My body is supercharged and buzzing. He gets under my skin, and it’s bad enough that I can’t stop thinking about him.
When I get to his office, the door is shut, and there’s no light spilling beneath the crack under the door. He’s gone home for the night. Damn it. I sigh, annoyed, not wanting to go home. Actually, I don’t know what I want. I’m hot and bothered, but Nate is getting too serious.
I stare at his door and wonder if I should go looking for Josh. I like him and if I want him, does it matter what he’s done? Part of me thinks it’s stupid. The other part says Josh had his chance to abuse me but didn’t. He protected me instead. Sighing, I turn and lean my back against Nate’s door and start to slide down, planning to sit on my butt. The door isn’t latched, and, when I press my back against it, the door gives and swings open. I’m already off-kilter having planned to sit down. The result is embarrassing. I fall backward into Nate’s office, slamming the door into the wall and shaking the frames hung above my head as I fall on my ass. I can’t stop the momentum, continuing until I’m on my back, staring at the ceiling.
“Bloody hell.”
An amused voice cuts through the darkness. “Are you English now?”
I don’t move. I just lie there, frowning. Fine, I’m pouting. What the hell is he doing sitting here in the dark? Two seconds later, Nate is standing over me, his head cocked to the side and a smile on those delicious lips. “Back so soon?”