Damn it, he should never have visited the White family in the first place. Should’ve gone to visit his mother instead. But he’d taken his mother out to lunch yesterday and had learned she was unwell with a summer cold. The rest-home nurses thought she’d be better tucked up in bed today without visitors. He’d wanted to argue but had given in to the idea of joining Harper’s family for the afternoon.
He ambled along behind Harper, drinking in the sight of her firm legs and gently swaying buttocks, wishing he’d followed through on that urge to kiss her, no matter the consequences.
He caught up with her when she paused to watch the inter-island ferry make its way between Pencarrow and Palmer Heads on its way to the South Island.
‘I can’t have children.’ She continued staring across the water to the boat. ‘But you probably already figured that out.’
He took her hand and began walking farther along the stony beach. ‘No, I hadn’t got to that answer yet.’ He’d deliberately stopped thinking about her reaction to her sister’s news the moment Jason had suggested he take her for a ride. He hadn’t wanted to dwell on what he doubted he’d learn the answer to—not today, anyway. Who’d have thought Harper would just out and tell him? ‘I can see why your sister’s news upset you.’
‘It shouldn’t. I’ve had loads of experience of dealing with being told one of my family’s having a baby, so I know how not to react.’ Her fingers tightened around his as she spoke, and Cody wondered if she even realised they were holding hands.
He should let go. He’d only taken her hand as a comfort gesture and to move her on along the beach, yet he did not want to pull away. The warmth from her palm against his, the softness of those fingers interlaced with his, was the most wonderful sensation he’d known in a long time. So ordinary and yet so thrilling. Damn but he was turning into a softie.
Harper was still talking, as though getting something off her chest. ‘I’m the godmother to every one of the brat pack.’ She flicked him a quick look and he knew she hadn’t finished.
But he also had something to say. ‘No surprise there,’ he told her before adding, ‘They adore you, if what I’ve seen so far is anything to go by.’
‘Chocolate and doing fun things will always get me that.’ She smiled softly. Bending down, she picked up a handful of sand and let it dribble through her fingers as they walked, while her other hand still firmly held his. ‘But being an aunt, even the best one out, doesn’t take the place of raising my own children. Having my own babies.’ Her sigh was so sad, Cody’s heart clenched. ‘I thought I had a chance to be a mum once, but the plans got changed.’
‘I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.’ He couldn’t. It was something he’d never considered, instead always believing that one day he’d have a family, teach his son to fish, or even his daughter, for that matter. But never to have his own child? Unimaginable. No wonder Harper had looked gutted when her sister had blurted out her news. No wonder Suzanne had been upset about how she’d spilled the beans. But then there’d have been no easy way to tell Harper.
‘I guess no one thinks about it unless faced with the fact. I certainly didn’t. Or maybe I was fooling myself, hiding from the truth. Coming from a largish family who all seem intent on doubling the world’s population, the idea I couldn’t contribute was implausible.’
He would’ve laughed at her attempt to lighten the mood but he was all out of laughs at the moment. This was something big, something that would’ve changed Harper’s life. He had this inexplicable urge to make her feel better, but there was no way he could do that. This went deep, was very personal. It was surprising that she’d even shared it with him. What would she do if he gave her a hug? It wouldn’t be quite like the hugs she got from her family. No way could he do platonic with this woman. Not any more, if he’d been able to at all. ‘Can I ask why you can’t have children?’
Her silence told him he’d gone too far. Fair enough. He’d known that the moment the words fell out, but she’d been so forthcoming up until now, he hadn’t stopped to consider how much he could ask. Now she’d be wanting to head back to Lowry Bay and telling him to carry on to the city alone.
He resumed walking, back in the direction of his bike.
‘I was born without a womb.’
Cody paused and turned slowly, so as not to make her suddenly change her mind about talking to him.
Harper sank to her haunches, scooped up more sand and watched it dribble back to the ground. ‘It wasn’t picked up until my teens. I mean, why would it be?’
He dropped down beside her and took her hand again. ‘Bloody hell, Harper. What were the odds, eh?’ His heart was pounding at the thought of what it must’ve been like for her to find out.
‘Higher than you’d think.’ She sat down and wound her arms around her legs, resting her chin on top of her knees. ‘I should remember that on days like today. I’m not the only one.’
‘But as the years have gone by it’s been harder to deal with?’
‘Yeah, something like that.’ She turned her head slightly so she could see his face.
His heart lurched at the sadness in her eyes. Hell, he’d seen almost every emotion in those beautiful eyes over the last couple of days. Even love, when she gazed at her nieces and nephews. This was one amazing woman, who gave of herself completely, even after all that had happened to her on Friday.
Without thinking, he reached for her, drew her close, wound his arms around her and lowered his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly, as tenderly as possible, while his body was demanding, hard and hot. When she whimpered under his lips he deepened his kiss slowly. He wanted to dive right in, to taste her and hold her as close as possible, tight, but he held back, half-expecting a slap around the ears.
Until her hands began sliding up his chest to his head, her fingers pushing through his hair to massage his scalp. Then he knew this was right—for both of them. Come what may. Tomorrow they might regret it, today… Today he was living a dream, was kissing the woman who had him in turmoil all the time.
Her mouth opened under his and he slid his tongue across into her hot cavern and tasted her. His heart stuttered. Raw, hot need clawed through his gut and headed downward to where he expressed his need so effortlessly. Easy, boy, easy. Even in his fogged-up brain he knew acting on that impulse would be going too far. For now, he had to be happy with this sizzling kiss. And, hell, was Harper sizzling. What a woman. He melted in against her, held her tighter and kissed her until they both ran out of air.
Harper finally drew back, taking those lips just out of reach. Her breasts rose and fell too quickly. A delectable shade coloured her cheeks and her eyes were shining. ‘Wow,’ she whispered, running her finger over her top lip. ‘Wow.’
That was one word for what had just passed between them. ‘Hot’ and ‘intense’ were two more. ‘Unbelievable’ would be another.
And downright disturbing.
Where did they go from here? ‘Bed’ was the first word to pop into his skull. But, despite everything, he still knew that wasn’t happening today. There’d be repercussions, possibly insurmountable, if they stripped down naked and had their way with each other. He wanted Harper with every fibre of his body. He suspected she felt the same. But there was a wariness creeping into the stunned look in her eyes which told him to put the brakes on. His libido was going nowhere right now.
Pulling back so her eyes met his, she stared into him, deeply, right in. Looking for…? He had no idea; he only hoped he measured up to her expectations.
Then her mouth opened and the question tripped out, low and filled with despair. ‘Do you want children of your own one day?’
Now, there was a loaded question. If he said no, he’d be lying; if he said yes, whatever was unfolding between them would be gone in a flash.
He wouldn’t lie. ‘Yes. I do.’ He pulled back and tossed a pebble down the beach to splash in the water. ‘Not that it’s likely to ever happen,’ he added quietly.
; To have a family, he’d have to risk his heart again. He’d have to believe he could protect her no matter what turned up. He wasn’t ready to trust himself with someone yet.
CHAPTER FIVE
JASON SPRAWLED OVER the chair beside Harper, stretched out his legs in front, scratched his chest and yawned.
‘Very attractive,’ Harper drawled. ‘No wonder Gemma calls you one of the brat pack.’