Will flushed, a wash of color across the pal or of his face. "Not just her. "
"But you love her. "
Will stared at him. "Of course I do," he said final y. "I had come to think I would never love anyone, but I love her. "
"Is this curse supposed to be some business about taking away your ability to love? Because thats nonsense if Ive ever heard it. Jems your parabatai. Ive seen you with him. You love him, dont you?"
"Jem is my great sin," said Will. "Dont talk to me about Jem. "
"Dont talk to you about Jem, dont talk to you about Tessa. You want me to open a portal to the demon worlds for you, and you wont talk to me or tell me why? I wont do it, Will. " Magnus crossed his arms over his chest.
Will rested a hand on the mantel. He was very still, the flames showing the outlines of him, the clear beautiful profile, the grace of his long slender hands.
"I saw my family today," he said, and then amended that quickly. "My sister. I saw my younger sister. Cecily. I knew they lived, but I never thought I would see them again. They cannot be near me. "
"Why?" Magnus made his voice soft; he felt he was on the verge of something, some sort of breakthrough with this odd, infuriating, damaged, shattered boy. "What did they do that was so terrible?"
"What did they do?" Will s voice rose. "What did they do? Nothing. It is me. I am poison. Poison to them. Poison to anyone who loves me. "
"Wil -"
"I lied to you," Will said, turning suddenly away from the fire.
"Shocking," Magnus murmured, but Will was gone, gone into his memories, which was perhaps for the best. He had begun to pace, scuffing his boots along Camil es lovely Persian carpet.
"You know what Ive told you. I was in the library of my parents house in Wales. It was a rainy day; I was bored, going through my fathers old things.
He kept a few things from his old life as a Shadowhunter, things he had not wanted, for sentiment I suppose, to give up. An old stele, though I did not know what it was at the time, and a small, engraved box, in a false drawer of his desk. I suppose he assumed that would be enough to keep us out, but nothing is enough to keep out curious children. Of course the first thing I did upon finding the box was open it. A mist poured out of it in a blast, forming almost instantly into a living demon. The moment I saw the creature, I began to scream. I was only twelve. Id never seen anything like it. Enormous, deadly, all jagged teeth and barbed tail-and I had nothing. No weapons.
When it roared, I fell to the carpet. The thing was hovering over me, hissing.
Then my sister burst in. "
"Cecily?"
"El a. My elder sister. She had something blazing in her hand. I know what it was now-a seraph blade. I had no idea then. I screamed for her to get out, but she put herself between the creature and me. She had absolutely no fear, my sister. She never had. She was not afraid to climb the tal est tree, to ride the wildest horse-and she had no fear there, in the library. She told the thing to get out. It was hovering there like a great, ugly insect. She said, I banish you. Then it laughed. "
It would. Magnus felt a strange stirring of both pity and liking for the girl, brought up to know nothing about demons, their summoning or their banishment, yet standing her ground regardless.
"It laughed, and it swung out with its tail, knocking her to the ground. Then it fixed its eyes on me. They were all red, no whites at all. It said, It is your father I would destroy, but as he is not here, you Will have to do. I was so shocked, all I could do was stare. El a was crawling over the carpet, grabbing for the fal en seraph blade. I curse you, it said. Al who love you Will die.
Their love Will be their destruction. It may take moments, it may take years, but any who look upon you with love Will die of it, unless you remove yourself from them forever. And I shall begin it with her. It snarled in El as direction, and vanished. "
Magnus was fascinated despite himself. "And did she fal dead?"
"No. " Will was still pacing. He took off his jacket, slung it over a chair. His longish dark hair had begun to curl with the heat coming off his body, mixing with the heat of the fire; it stuck to the back of his neck. "She was unharmed.
She took me in her arms. She comforted me. She told me the demons words meant nothing. She admitted she had read some of the forbidden books in the library, and that was how she knew what a seraph blade was, and how to use it, and that the thing I had opened was called a Pyxis, though she could not imagine why my father would have kept one. She made me promise not to touch anything of my parents again unless she was there, and then she led me up to bed, and sat reading while I fell asleep. I was exhausted with the shock of it all, I think. I remember hearing her murmur to my mother, something about how I had been taken il while they had been out, some childish fever. By that point I was enjoying the fuss that was being made over me, and the demon was beginning to seem a rather exciting memory. I recal planning how to tell Cecily about it-without admitting, of course, that El a had saved me while I had screamed like a child-"
"You were a child," Magnus noted.
"I was old enough," said Will. "Old enough to know what it meant when I was woken up the next morning by my mother howling with grief. She was in El as room, and El a was dead in her bed. They did their best to keep me out, but I saw what I needed to see. She was swel ed up, greenish-black like something had rotted her from inside. She didnt look like my sister anymore.
She didnt look human anymore.
"I knew what had happened, even if they didnt. A ll who love you will die.
And I shall begin it with her. It was my curse at work. I knew then that I had to get away from them-from all my family-before I brought the same horror down on them. I left that night, following the roads to London. "
Magnus opened his mouth, then closed it again. For once he didnt know what to say.
"So, you see," said Will, "my curse can hardly be called nonsense. I have seen it at work. And since that day I have striven to be sure that what happened to El a Will happen to no one else in my life. Can you imagine it? Can you?" He raked his hands through his black hair, letting the tangled strands fal back into his eyes. "Never letting anyone near you. Making everyone who might otherwise love you, hate you. I left my family to distance myself from them, and that they might forget me. Each day I must show cruelty to those I have chosen to make my home with, lest they let themselves feel too much affection for me. "
"Tessa . . . " Magnuss mind was suddenly full of the serious-faced gray- eyed girl who had looked at Will as if he were a new sun dawning on the horizon. "You think she does not love you?"
"I do not think so. I have been foul enough to her. " Will s voice was wretchedness and misery and self-loathing all combined. "I think there was a time when she almost-I thought she was dead, you see, and I showed her- I let her see what I felt. I think she might have returned my feelings after that.
But I crushed her, as brutal y as I could. I imagine she simply hates me now. "
"And Jem," said Magnus, dreading the answer, knowing it.