“See what I mean? You know I’ve got your back, I’d never do that to you, but you can’t even stand to hear me tell you that your girl is beautiful.”
“She’s not mine.” She’s not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want her to be.
“Why the hell not?”
I open my mouth to reply and stop. I can only think of one reason. Fear. I’m not afraid of her, but of my judgment. I thought Jennifer was the one, and I was only living a lie. I never felt like this for my ex-wife—cagey needing to hear her voice. If I’m wrong about Sawyer, I know I’ll never recover. I’m a shell of the man I used to be, and losing her would be the equivalent of losing all of me.
“Sawyer is a catch, Royce. Are you willing to step back and let another man stake a claim? How are you going to feel when you’ve missed your chance? How are you going to handle someone keeping her bed warm at night?”
“Enough,” I growl.
“There it is.” He grins.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“That determination I see written all over your face.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Tell me that the thought of her with someone else doesn’t piss you off. Tell me it doesn’t have you seeing red.”
I run my fingers through my hair. “You know it does.”
“Then do something about it.” Grant gives me a pointed look. “You are the only one who can take that step. She’s not going to. You need to tell her what you want.”
“I want her, damn it. Are you happy? I want her more than my next breath,” I say, sucking in a lungful of air and slowly exhaling.
“Then make it happen. You’re ruthless when it comes to your job. Why should you not be any other way when it comes to all aspects of your life? You take charge, that’s who you are. You let the lies and deceit of one woman steal your happiness. You realize that, don’t you? She didn’t just destroy your marriage. She’s still controlling your life. She’s not your wife, but you hang on to her betrayal, and you’re not living. What happened to the man who wanted to be a husband and father? Hell, we’ve all said we hope to be half the man our father is. Yet, here you are, letting her take that from you.”
“If you could buckle in.” The flight attendant appears before us. “We’re preparing to land.”
With a nod, Grant and I secure our belts. I hate to admit it, but he’s right. I’ve let Jennifer’s betrayal shape my future. I’m letting her keep me from going after what I want. I’m letting her keep me from Sawyer. Now it’s up to me to decide what I’m going to do about it.I’m pacing. I called Sawyer as soon as the plane landed. She didn’t answer so I texted her. I’ve read her reply to that text a hundred times in the last two hours.Sawyer: Dinner with the girls. I’ll stop by when we’re done.That’s it. She didn’t give me a time, or tell me where she was. No, all I have is that she’s coming here when she’s finished hanging out with her friends. Hence the pacing. I’ve showered and caught up on a few emails, but I can’t really focus. I’m too amped up to see her. It’s been too long since I’ve laid eyes on her. I’ve never missed someone like this. I went away for college, just to Ohio. I missed my family, but not like this.
It didn’t feel like there was a knot in my stomach, and with each minute that passes, it gets tighter and tighter. Being away from my family didn’t feel like that.
Nothing ever has.
My phone that’s gripped tightly in my hand rings, and I fumble to answer it. “Hello.”
“Hey. We’re heading to Mom and Dad’s for a bonfire, you in?” Conrad asks.
“No.”
“Whoa, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”
“Sorry,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. “I’m waiting on Sawyer.”
“Bring her with you.”
“I haven’t seen her in a week.”
“And?” I can tell by the tone of his voice he’s enjoying this way too much.
“And, no. I’ll catch you guys for Sunday dinner.” Maybe. Depends on if I can convince my girl to go with me. After going without her for a week, I know without a doubt it’s going to be hard to leave her side for the foreseeable future.
“Maybe I’ll call Sawyer and invite her, and then you’ll have to come if your girl says she wants to go.”
“She’s not my girl,” I say as there’s a knock at the door. “I gotta go.” Ending the call, I toss my phone on the couch and take a deep breath. I can’t attack her as soon as I see her. She’s going to go running for the hills. I make my way to the door and pull it open, but she has her phone to her ear. Her green eyes sparkle from the porch light, and she waves at me.