We haven’t even discussed what we’ll do if Mom or Natalie freak out.
We can’t stand to even consider it.
His eyes meet my gaze, his blue eyes glinting. The corner of his lips twitch. He has the same feral look he got last night, the third and final time we did it when I was trying it out on top. It’s the look that says, That’s right, keep going, I want to watch your confidence grow.
But that means a future together.
We can’t take that for granted.
“Busy evening,” he says, with an ironic grin.
I suppress a giggle. He said that if they’re late, he’ll make the most boring small talk with me possible so people don’t know we’re together. It’s a silly game, and I told him not to because he’d make me laugh, and then we’d seem even closer. But it seems he hasn’t taken my advice.
I love him so much.
No, no, no.
I can’t even think stuff like that before we know we have a chance.
“Looks like the street signal down there is about to change.”
I glare at him. “Street signal? Are you serious?”
He shrugs with a chuckle. “I don’t know. Goddamn, Sassy. I’m…”
“Nervous?” I murmur.
I should correct him for calling me Sassy in public, but I can’t bring myself to do that when the nickname came to him so naturally, as though he can’t stop himself from thinking of me in that way. It means so freaking much because I never had the confidence to make jokes or have an attitude in school, and ever since I’ve never had the chance to try.
Kaleb gives me that chance. I don’t have to worry about him teasing me, or belittling me, or any of that. He’ll let me explore parts of myself no stupid immature douche-king my own age would.
“I guess so.” He takes a sip of his coffee and places it down. “I’ve never been the nervous type. But yeah, I think that’s it.”
“Well, I have been the nervous type. If it’s any consolation, I’m doubly nervous now.”
He sighs. “It’ll be okay.”
I nod, glancing around the diner to see if they’ve come in. It would be hard to miss them with how empty it is. The diner is set slightly back from the sidewalk, so we can see the pedestrians. It must look like a ghost restaurant from out there. We’re the only customers, with a waitress wiping down tables.
“Why did you pick this place?” he asks.
“It was the best location for both of them, I guess. They were both being picky.”
He nods shortly. “When you tell somebody you need to meet them, but you won’t say why they have the right to be picky.”
“Yeah.” I bite my lip as a reflex, as though trying to push down some of the rising uncertainty. I let it go a second later. “I guess there’s no point doing the pantomime if we’re the only ones in here.”
“No.” He smiles… or is it a smirk? It’s so hard to tell with his feral features. “You’re right. Do you want me to wait outside and then come in once you’ve told them, or…”
I flash him a look.
One of his genius ideas was for me to use my Kelly sass, as he termed it, to break the news to them while he provided – as he termed it – outside surveillance. I was giggling like crazy as he suggested the silly plan, but there’s some truth in there.
I’d like to run away before they arrive so I don’t have to be here.
“We both have to be here,” I say.
The bell above the door rings and we turn to find Natalie walking in. She’s got her canvas-green backpack, which holds all her nursing textbooks, and her arms are folded over more books. I remember how she looked when she traipsed over to me with the bully’s doll, and a tear tries to sting my eye.
She looks like what she is, my best friend, my oldest friend.
And I fucked her dad.
Several times.
Maybe this was a mistake.
“Hey, Kelly… and Dad?” She tilts her head at him, coming to a stop at the edge of the table, as though she thinks he’s going to disappear. “Am I going crazy right now? I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“Sit down, little gnat,” Kaleb says, the nickname making me blaze with guilt and regret and want… want for him to give our children nicknames.
It’s all so tangled up inside of me, difficult to extricate.
“Why are you acting so serious?” she murmurs as Kaleb stands and takes the books from his daughter. He offers to take her bag too and moves it all to the edge of the table.
“Be careful with those,” she murmurs, coming and sitting next to me.
Kaleb’s eyes meet mine, and we realize our mistake at the same time. When Mom gets here, it’s going to be Kaleb and Mom looking at me and Natalie, like they’re giving us a freaking lecture. I should’ve sat next to Kaleb, but Natalie’s blocking me in.