“Come on, everybody,” I said. “Let’s go get this over with.”
54
“Mr. Groperson?” I knocked on his apartment door for the third time. “Hello, Mr. Groperson?”
“Go away, you little bitch!” He sounded like he was stuffed up, like you sound when you’ve got a bad cold and you can’t breathe through your nose.
Which made sense, I guessed, since what was on his face now wasn’t exactly meant for breathing.
“Mr. Groperson?” I tried again. “I, uh, think I might be able to…to switch you back to the way you were before,” I said, trying to be tactful about it.
He yanked open the door.
“You’ve done enough damage! Who are they?” He nodded at my Coven-mates, assembled behind me.
“We’re Emma’s friends,” Avery said pertly. “We came to see what a massive dickhead you are. And look—you really are.” He smirked at the limp thing dangling where the landlord’s nose should have been.
“Avery!” I said warningly.
“Sorry, Emmers.” He sighed. “What I meant to say is that we’re Emma’s friends and we’ve come to help. Although even if we can change you back, I don’t think it’ll do much for your appearance.” He made a face as he took in Groperson’s stained t-shirt and saggy boxer shorts.
“You didn’t come to help—you brought all your little friends to laugh at me!” Mr. Groperson’s face turned dark red with fury.
“No, honestly!” I protested. “I think I can help!” Or Lachlan could—hopefully.
“Then why’d you bring all these kids with you?” he demanded.
“Maybe because last time she came alone, you tried to rape her.” Bran’s eyes flashed fire as he glared at the landlord. “If you ever come near Emma again—”
“Easy, Bran.” I put a hand on his arm as he glowered at Groperson. I looked up at the landlord. “Let me try to help,” I said, though I really didn’t want to. Just being near him again made me feel sick and shaky when I remembered what he’d almost done to me. Thank goodness I had back-up with me this time!
“What are you gonna do?” Groperson snarled at me.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, looking at Lachlan. “What can we do?”
“It’s your magic, little one,” he murmured. “You must be the one to undo it. Here—take my hand and visualize switching the two body parts back to their proper places.”
I took his hand and closed my eyes, trying to imagine Mr. Groperson’s nose going back to his face and his, uh, other appendage returning to its rightful place as well.
Go back, I thought. Everything back where it belongs. Everything in the right place.
I concentrated so hard I gave myself a headache. But when I opened my eyes, there was no effect—Mr. Groperson’s face looked just as it had before.
Or no—wait—there was a change. Something else had appeared right under his new “nose”—it was a hairy, dangling sack-like thing that looked like those stupid “truck nuts” you see redneck guys put on the back of their trucks sometimes.
“Hey!” Mr. Groperson’s voice was muffled because this new addition was blocking his mouth. He reached up to feel it and screamed in fury. “No! What did you do to me now?”
“Oh my God, Emmers!” Avery’s eyes were dancing with suppressed laughter. “I, uh, think you made it worse.”
“I wouldn’t have thought that was possible, but I think Avery is right,” Griffin remarked.
Ari was laughing so hard he couldn’t say a thing and Emma and Kaitlyn were just watching Mr. Groperson with wide eyes.
Meanwhile, the magically altered landlord was groping for a mirror that he must have been using to examine his face before we’d come to his door. When he looked at his reflection, his eyes widened in rage and disbelief.
“Off—get them off! Put them back where they go!” he shouted. Grabbing the hairy sack dangling over his mouth, he yanked, as though he intended to pull it off and shove it back between his legs.
But this turned out to be a mistake. With a scream of agony, he sank to his knees. I saw all the boys in our group wince as the implications became clear. I didn’t know much about male anatomy myself but obviously this wasn’t something you ought to go yanking on.
“Get out!” Mr. Groperson was rolling on the floor in agony, his face cupped in his hands. His voice was muffled, but still understandable. “You and your mother get out! Right now, today—you’re out of my complex!”
“But…but that’s not fair!” I protested. “Please, Mr. Groperson—let me try again!”
“Uh, Emmers, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Avery murmured. Next time you might switch his ass and his eyes or something.”
“And then he’d be a literal butthead,” Megan murmured, her hand over her mouth to hide her smile.
“Avery is right,” Lachlan said seriously. “Your magic is too unfocused, Emma. You’d better not try again right now.”
“But my mom!” I wailed. “Where will she live?”